Saturday, March 14, 2009

National Lampoon's Cleveland Vacation

Fiddle dee dee,
a viola and cello makes three,
I've got yawning void as far as sockets,
Hubbled, yours or mine, can see;
I pity a cosmic bloodshot, foo!
Can anyone help me,
"he'll pay you a buck or two,"
can you spot me a five,
"he'll pay you back, no jive." That's Murkan bucks,
enough to buy shoelaces for some Chucks
or half a rubber for your fucks,
how much do they cost,
"he's hitched, so a bit lost;
you understand the frost."
'tis a wintry mix, some do it for kicks,
like losing for the New York Knicks,
or turning tricks at the RNC.
Wait, that induces laughter,
before, during and after
'cause they're less than Shaft-er,
"though some like shaft when self-loathing
or medicating while touristing,
or hell even Shatner sans toupee."
You're so rude, brain, I'm the one who's sane,
remember, and never chuckle 'cause of my grey,
"I do, I do, my my, hey hey,"
advancing every day as strands retreat away,
what can I say I'm older and older yay.
What's in the news,
not sure 'cause of cheap booze,
just threw up on my bargain shoes
'cause I read threepenny views;
no more enemy combatants,
"are they simply flea-bitten varmints,
why not lowfat yogurt or walking feces,
oh your social graces ain't dissed; reader, please."
Yeah, I, we, should go on and choose,
'cause I'm, us, POTUS of this blog,
to stay or go whole hog,
but what do I know, I know Bush likes some blow,
"you like eggs and bacon and that ain't no fakin',"
sorry for the double negative,
but dig that grammar destructive,
shouldn't chaque jour be Halloween,
"oh, but it is in DC, here and there,
skeletons and closets everywhere."
Tweedlethat, tweedledrat,
this fucking thing's going flat,
"like your verse," don't be so terse,
okay see you later, but first this post,
surely less than the most,
and now I'm a ghost bye.


Liberality said...

Me clapping because you is definitely the POTUS of this here blog!

'cause I'm, us, POTUS of this blog,
to stay or go whole hog,
but what do I know, I know Bush likes some blow

Bush could do us a favor and blow away--far, far away from this country he has left in tatters. But that would be a kindness to him no? He could be blown away but I won't go there. (and for you spies out there--I am not going do you the favor, okay!)

Beach Bum said...

What's in the news,
not sure 'cause of cheap booze,
just threw up on my bargain shoes

Me too, tied one on last night writing the author's meme and my tongue still feels all hairy. I'll never trust generic tequila and close out beer again.

susan said...

Why do we feast upon the madness
Fed us daily by the news?
Depression and confusion strand us
Within these walls of sober hues.


I'd rather read a book in comfort
By candlelight in a cardboard box
Than keeping faith in politicians
I wouldn't trust to wash my socks.

Okay, sorry, you're the writer and I'm not. This proves it once and for all.

Tom Harper said...

I can't think of any poetic comments, but your post title would be great for the next Lampoon movie. The Griswold family does Cleveland -- I think it's a winner.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Roses are picked
Violets are plucked
I read your damn poem
Now I'm having a drink.



Spartacus said...

I guess this is one of those times you had alot shit to get off your chest... eh?

Mauigirl said...

Your poetry leaves me speechless...excellent! ;-)

MRMacrum said...

Okay. 3rd visit and I still don't know why "cheap booze and bargain shoes" bothers me. Maybe it's that I am taking it personally when I reach into the fridge for a PBR while wearing mismatched flip flops. I don't always puke on them. Sometimes I miss. Jeez Randal, show some compassion.

Kvatch said...

Booze and shoes...
One place where I never compromise.

Übermilf said...

Why do I get the feeling that this is less a blog and more a warm-up writing exercise?

Mary Ellen said...

Oh, the news...the news!
Nothing but commentary and propaganda views
The economy is good-- go spend some cash
The economy is bad, hold off on that hash
But wait!
Now it's recovering, YAY!
At least that's what POTUS is
reading on his teleprompter today
As he tries to keep his admirers who are panicking, at bay

Oh hell...the weather is great, I'm going out to play.

Later, Gator. ;-)

Dean Wormer said...

It makes a lot more sense if you snap your fingers while you're reading it. Love me that beat poetry.

(Don't think that's Cleveland in the photo but I guess there could be mesas there. You're the expert.)

S.W. anderson said...

For awhile I thought of, and referred to, The Decider's presidency as Clark Griswold: the White House Years. Then, Bush's incompetence got deadly and ugly, and it was no longer fair to a laughable-buffoon, any-schmuck character.

Regarding today's poem, I'm trying to come up with a deeper meaning for your habit of working in references to breakfast fare. It's fascinating, if unfathomable.

Jang-chub Ozer said...

Now Bush ain't the kind of rascal that usually inspires poetry, though he did make me think of this one by Robert Graves once or twice- it's from The White Goddess:

Swordsman of the narrow lips,

Narrow hips and murderous mind

Fenced with chariots and ships,

By your joculators hailed

The mailed wonder of mankind,

Far to westward have you sailed.

You who, capped with lunar gold

Like an old and savage dunce,

Let the central hearth go cold,

Grinned, and left us here your sword

Warden of sick fields that once

Sprouted of their own accord.

far to the westward you have sailed.

~Robert Graves

La Belette Rouge said...

Baudelaire ain't got nothing on you!!!!:-)))))LOVE it!!

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

riddle you this, riddle you that
I loves it when the blog POTUS
doesn't reveal his operandi modus ...
instead we sit with envy green
attempting to decipher what it might mean
I told'em all you're no asshat.

Utah Savage said...

I stopped living for several days writing the literary influences meme you motherfucker, and you've gone on vacation? Now I'm officially rejected and YOU dis ME? Gone for days? Heinous. Word.

Dusty said...

Randal baby..where the fuck are ya dude?

We miss you and your posts..get to working on one! :)

Dr. Zaius said...

Uhm... a viola and cello makes two, not three.

Randal Graves said...

liberality, I wouldn't cry if he got shot, but I don't want him to die, but live in a prison cell until the sun goes red giant and melts us all.

BB, you should know better than that. Next time, Mad Dog.

susan, I don't know, I don't think I'd have ever come up with that washing socks line.

tom, we do have the rock hall and a bunch of abandoned warehouses.

tengrain, believe me, my shit drives me to drink, too.

spartacus, oh hell, that's all the time. Good thing for self-filtering!

mauigirl, the check is in the mail!

mrmacrum, if it makes you feel any better, I don't drink Dom Perignon and I usually go sans socks in the house. Fewer clothes to wash after the inevitable upchuck.

kvatch, you left coasters are so fashionable.

übermilf, you might be onto something. Clear out the stupid clutter for my - ha ha - serious stuff.

Nunly, I'd love to leave a comment, but my teleprompter broke! So, um, hi!

dean, should we be wearing berets? There used to be mesas years ago, but were destroyed in the Great Kielbasa Explosion of 1938.

SWA, I think it's my subconscious reminding me to eat something more substantial than a bowl of raisin bran.

jang, that fits the yokel nearly perfectly.

LBR, well sure, he's dead, I'm not. Advantage, Randal.

JNRR, thanks for that.

That rhymes and you know that rhymes.

utah, I'm a heinous kind of guy. Shouldn't that be obvious by now?

dusty, not until 15 minutes ago, dammit!

dr. zaius, why do you hate fiddles?

Dr. Zaius said...

Well... a viola and cello AND a fiddle would make three, to be sure.