Friday, January 15, 2010


Save your Douglas Adamsisms, I've never read the book, and save your you-should-read-its, I've got a fucking stack of lists of codices of ofs I'll never get around to due to inevitable croakery, but I did see the Mighty Cavs surrender that many points in the fourth quarter last night this morning. If you're in the free market for defense that abysmal, which apparently you are Mike Brown since I found Delonte on the back of a milk carton, I'm a short cracker ready to hitchhike up and down the court, and I'll work cheaper than a gangly, overpaid towel-waver from Real America. Losses always burn, but against Carlos the Traitor's squadron? Go fuck yourself, jerk.


Arizona @ New Orleans: The future Hall of Fame extraterrestrial performed precision surgery on Green Bay's pretty decent, albeit thinned-out secondary. What's he going to do to that of Who Dat? Once again, poor N'awlins gets the shaft. Shaft! Who's the white quarter B that's a pass machine so all receive? WARNER! Cardinals 36-31.

Baltimore @ Indianapolis: Cut me some slack, how was I to know that Derek Anderson had secretly mastered the forbidden art of soul transference and took over Tom Brady? Why does this game strike me as 2005 all over again? Why, I hate both teams, but the one I hate more shall prevail, much to the chagrin of Bill Polian, subject of this song. Oh, fuck it, despite the effervescent allure of a potential Manning-Face sighting. Colts 23-20.

Dallas @ Minnesota: Man, I fucking loathe the Cowboys, especially their rediscovered ferocity on defense but I love love love the give-me-a-happy idea of the skulls of talking hairpieces and childish scribblers exploding rancid brain matter all over their wrung hands from another week of Favre deification, so this is a bit more of a callous heart pick than anything else. Vikings 24-17.

N.Y. Jets @ San Diego: Philip Rivers' throwing style owns nothing but jesteresque guffaws, but his production owns you, Prohibitive Favorites. C'mon, Sanchize can't not be Derek Anderson (yes, I'm picking on Derek Anderson, apologies for my obviousness) for a second consecutive week. Chargers 34-20.


Übermilf said...

I hope New Orleans wins.

I'm going to go back to bed now.

MRMacrum said...

Call me when it's over. The only team I do not hate with a passion that is till in it is New Orleans. I hope they win and everyone else loses.

Holte Ender said...

Agree with 3 out 4 of your picks, going with Baltimore to shake up the world.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, I wouldn't mind seeing them win the whole thing, but as more proof that the cosmos is a sadistic fucker, I'm sure Dallas will.

mrmacrum, word.

holte, I was thisclose to picking Baltimore, but I think my justified Cleveland anger pushed me towards Indy, not that I'm a fan of Bill "16-0 frightens me" Polian.

susan said...

I'm glad you're back even if you are speaking in a foreign tongue.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I know all about your Football Parties.



Beach Bum said...

Gave up on this season almost from the get-go. Now I would have some interest, to the point I would give up standing in the rain this weekend for Buffett tickets, if I had some idea Manning's head would somehow be crushed during the course of the game.

Tom Harper said...

What's a non-sports-fan commenter to do? OK:

I want the Colts and the Chargers and the Vikings and the Cardinals. Fight Team Fight!

sunshine said...

Hey sweetie. There is an award for you on my blog if you would like it.


Demeur said...

It will depend on who pays off the refs and how much.

As for the Cavs it could be worse. They could be the Sonics.

Randal Graves said...

susan, foreign? Them's fightin' words to this patriot!

tengrain, like you don't sing at your fancy left coast cooking hootenannies.

BB, can it wait until next week? Only Pat Robertson wants the Ravens to win.

tom, I always knew you were a communist!

sunshine, are there merry bushels of cash?

demeur, you've been Thunder-struck! Teams should never move. Unless it's from Los Angeles because they don't care.

Cormac Brown said...

I hate that cliche that games are won in the trenches, but that's why I knew that the Patriots weren't going to win, last week. The o-line couldn't give Brady enough time, and the d-line couldn't stop the run.

That being said, I have no idea the NFC games will shape up, because all four NFC teams have had erratic line play to the point that you don't know they are in even in the playoffs. Oh, and as a Niner fan, I know that you hit Kurt Warner in the mouth, early and often. Make him hear footsteps.

Randal Graves said...

I was surprised at how poorly the Pats' run defense was, though the crazy fuckery of the first quarter would have done in most teams. 24-0 messes with your mind. No way they win with Flacco tossing it ten times this week. Too much Colts O.

Problem with the kill-the-QB theory is that Warner gets rid of it so damn quick. Hell, Steve Breaston looked all-world last week. As long as Dallas loses, I'll be happy.

okjimm said...

OK Fifty-fity ain't so bad.... but just when I want some one to really thrash the Viki's ... the Cowboys fail to show up. Now I really hate the Cowboys. Go New Orleans!!!

Dr. Zaius said...

I wish that you would tell more about the precision surgery. Was it brain surgery? ;o)