Monday, January 4, 2010

December's children (and everybody's and January's, too)

Check out the Manly Run of Manliness at 2:36. I said check it, neanderthal flex grumble grumble Solomon Grundy! Four wins since December 1, none sucky (okay, the D against KC and we still have no QB and that rhymes with wheeeeee and you know that rhymes, Marge), the one loss a tough, competitive smackaroo against the possible eventual champions of Super Bowling, the Ex-Ryan Leafs. Fuck if I know.

Which means Noted Offensive Guru®, The Walrus, will likely choose Sam Bradford or Jimmy Clausen and either will septic up the joint like everyone else on the frigid shores since Todd Philcox Bernie Kosar.

Save us, King James, save us and me, three. Anyone ever try to put together a manuscript of versification and in doing so realize just how awful and unlikable it all is? Holy fuck my brain is four-day toast minus the sexy butter and space jam. I'm going to call The Walrus and have him choose. Koren Robinson! Jerramy Stevens! Lamar King!


Übermilf said...

Is that you at the desk, surrounded by soiled kleenex? That anon bot should NEVER have sent you porn.

Christopher said...

Even the hapless Buffalo Bills won.

I guess playing in Siberian blizzard conditions lit a fire under their asses.

Anyway, the end of football season means spring is that much closer. That is all I care about.

susan said...

I heard they played some hockey in Fenway Park which really goes to show how we've come to the end of civilization as we knew it.

Keep the creative juices flowing. I'll spot you the next box of kleenex.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Maybe you can admire the cheerleaders instead. Oh, wait.



Mary Ellen said...

All I know is that Lovie is probably packing his bags as I type this, which pleases me to no end.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, I certainly don't need some anon bot supplying me with porn.

christopher, end of football season? Au contraire, now the real season begins.

susan, at least it wasn't Skeeball.

tengrain, even the Bengals have cheerleaders. Stupid Lerner.

nunly, at least you guys might have found a receiver or two with Aromashodu and Knox.

Anonymous said...

Is it time to say "better luck next year" yet? I am never quite sure. The Contrarian says that the AZ ploy to hoodwink the Packers into lethargy next go around will fail. I dunno. Lovie is such a dipshit name for a coach. He should be fired for that alone. As well as da bears being da stupido bad team. What do I know? I'm a Christian...that probably disqualifies me from football knowing.

Holte Ender said...

There is no doubt in my mind that after yesterdays results, KC and Cleveland, are the two finest teams in the NFL and the rules should be changed immediately to allow participation in the "real" season.

I also have no doubt that the Easter Bunny exists.

sunshine said...

I don't understand football speak.


Demeur said...

Graves you pigskin head! It could be worse. Much worse. The Cavs could be held hostage for a new sports arena and just when you though you'd have a crack at the Super Bowl marvelous Mike may decide to retire for good this time.

Beach Bum said...

Hey, I'm still confused on how the Jets made it to the playoffs.

La Belette Rouge said...

One of my favorite things about January is that means football season will soon be over. Hoooray!!!!!

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, your relationship with football is less than healthy, and your following of the Browns qualifies as masochism. That's especially true since the Browns evidently don't have cheerleaders. . . say what?!!

Break this to me gently, because I don't watch these games. Do they add insult to injury — the final indignity — by running NutriSystem commercials during Browns games?

Tom Harper said...

Can't think of a sports comment, so -- Happy New Year. Or to steal Sunshine's closing greeting: Hugs.

Anonymous said...


Christopher said...

Anonymous -- I couldn't agree more!

Randal Graves said...

sherry, are you kidding? When every yokel post-game thanks Jesus and/or the big Limburger for victory? Knowing is half the battle, G.I. Joe taught us that.

holte, of course he exists, he's on Holmgren's short list in case he decides to can Mangini.

sunshine, three downs! Rouge! Is that better, you evil Canadian mutators of the holy game?

demeur, as long as the King leads the Cavs to the promised land, Mike can retire yesterday.

BB, filthy defense, old school, manly power running game, putrescent quarterback play. If they had a mediocre QB (that's not to say Sanchez won't be good) they would have won the East. If they had Manning or Brady, they'd probably stop everyone into the dirt.

LBR, does He-Weasel know of your heresy???

SWA, commercials? I can't help you there. That's when I flip to the NFL Network to get the latest stats of the other games.

tom, you're such a sweetie pie.

anon, I'm sorry, I'm only fluent in English and Urdu.

christopher, even with ktzone and avigh? Really?

Cormac Brown said...

Clausen won't be there when Da Walrus picks, thanks to Mangini believing falsely that if he stopped sabotaging the team, that he could've saved his job.

Bradford can be beaten, and beaten badly. He doesn't have an NFL arm when it comes to throwing deep square-outs, just like Chad Pennington. He has glass shoulders, just like Chad Pennington. The difference between the two besides age, is that Chad always read defenses better. Smack Bradford in the jaw and he becomes illiterate when it comes to defensive coverages.

Draft Dez Bryant, a monster wide receiver that will probably have less dropsies than Braylon Edwards, and sign a decent free agent quarterback. Besides there is probably a QB lurking there after the second round, that we don't know about. Da Walrus won't tip his hand and you will surprised. Don't forget that he discovered Mark Brunell and Matt Hasselback.

Randal Graves said...

I'm partial to a defensive lineman (not that the top two will be available at #7) since it's getting tiresome hemorrhaging rushing yards for the past decade. I'd rather take a flyer on a QB later on (like the ones you mentioned were) and sign an FA, such as Jason Campbell.

Don't laugh, he's not as bad as the anti-Snyders would have you believe. Not his fault he's on his 98th OC, and throws to inexperienced wideouts and an ever-slowing Santana Moss.

I just don't want another millions invested in a guy who might or might not pan out.

Cormac Brown said...

I'm with you about Campbell, I wanted the Niners to draft him over Smith, but we saw how that turned out. Jason is a good game manager and Da Walrus will teach him how to do hot-reads, which all of the previous coaches failed to do.

Holmgren could even take someone like Charlie Frye and make him a decent stop-gap. They will probably go offensive tackle at that slot (groan, if not Dez. Julius Peppers can make The Browns defense look even better and you guys are millions under the cap.

Dr. Zaius said...

Who the heck is "the Walrus?" I have a feeling that you are offending aquatic mammals with this post...