Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Two-bit carnie act

Sweet corn dog, I had the weirdest, most hallucinatory dream that I've had in many an age last night, perhaps spanning the entire recorded history of the Land of Nod over the last week. You were there, and you were there and you were there and so was a transmogrified Dirk Benedict

before he got blown up by a Predator drone guffaw chortle wheeze but thankfully you all escaped unscathed thanks to your Afghan wedding party shields being up, Captain, and then Y happened nearly simultaneously -- in more than four dimensions!

Behold ye scoffers, our limited biology be damned, for it felt not quite right as if the cotton candy you were chewing on was composed of sawdust and string theory runoff, and then it got really crazy when MX+Plan B -- yes, B -- oh, and then this parabola made of sighs tied with guitar string came screaming out of thin air, crashing upon the road paved with nougat and bits of said exploded mad scientist experiment and try driving over that when your tires are made of a patented marshmallow and human entrails mixture akin to drying cement, only more gooey. Denouement and advice: I wouldn't recommend haruspicy and driving because I also had to avoid an AK-47-wielding Philip Glass skipping across the yellow line and you lunatics flipping me the bird because I wouldn't give you a ride to McDonald's. Talk to the John Yoo. No babes in hot pants though, which sucked.

Or maybe I made that up and it was all babes in hot pants.

Guess you'll never know.

Hmm, I haven't written about the thrill of politics in a while.

Here ya go:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to angry up anyone's blood.


Mary Ellen said...

Ok, you lost me after the part about telling us you had a dream. Although you can't convince me that all the women in your dream weren't wearing hot pants. I mean really, Randal, who are you trying to shit here?

David Barber said...

Babes in hot pants, packing AK-47's making you lick marshmallow of their perfect bodies...but when you look at their faces again they are actually all clones of the old lady above. Have I just ruined your dream - sorry bud. ;-)

susan said...

I think you should send this to Sam Raimi as inspiration for his next production. Maybe he'd finally collaborate with Tarantino on a genuine American blockbuster.

Tengrain said...


So this is what happens when Boomers smoke dope, you swine!

(I'm mixing it up today!)



Randal Graves said...

nunly, believe me, if I had complete control, there'd be hot pants aplenty. Just goes to show you can't trust the sandman.

david, you are one sick bastard. ;-)

susan, throw in some Necronomicon and we might have the next Evil Dead sequel?

tengrain, why do you think they call it blockhead?

Holte Ender said...

I never get any good dreams like that, just the run-of-the-mill being chased by irate kids asking for money.

sunshine said...

THAT was your dream?

I'm betting it was just all babes in hot pants.
Obviously since I'm not hot pant material, I wasn't one of the "You".

P.S. I have mentioned that Doug was Canadian... right? :P

MRMacrum said...

I too must have fallen for a dream sequence when suddenly a moment ago I woke up and realized I must have dreamt I left a comment here.

As I remember, I think I said I always hated hot pants. But now that I am awake, I would modify that to say I have always been fussy about hot pants. There are some butts that should never see the inside of them. Now string bikini's - well they always seem to get a rise out of me.

Randal Graves said...

holte, I usually have (remember, at any rate) one good dream every decade. The rest are middling fare at best.

sunshine, how about tossing up some cheesecake shots and letting us be the judge of that.

Know who else is Canadian? The Canadian hockey team that lost to the US the other day!

mrmacrum, there are some butts and other parts that should never be in a string bikini either, but I understand your point. Of course, the same applies to us; ain't gonna catch me shirtless.

Anonymous said...

See you goit all wrong. The dream is reality and reality is the dream, and well....You just haven't dalai lama'ed up yet little camper. John Wayne and all that rot--pilgrim's progress. Is it clear now?

sunshine said...

As soon as I get my "Photoshop" I'll get myself into a pair of hot pants and post them for you to judge.

Calm the frig down about the hockey. I felt SUCH anger when you wrote that...
You know the day I've had babe. So much blog drama. Don't make me bring it over here..... :P

S.W. Anderson said...

Imagine a giant mall full of merchandise of all sizes, types, colors and textures. Imagine that mall being violently shaken by an earthquake. Then, imagine that mall being bombed in several places by a drone. Finally, imagine wading through the resulting mess while in a semi-hallucinatory state from some psychedelic drug that makes everything seem to float in the air or randomly heat, ooze and run like vividly colored liquid, until it cools and hardens in place, taking the shape of whatever it came to rest on.

That's roughly the equivalent of reading this and similar posts of yours, Randal.

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go take a couple of aspirin.

Hire Me said...

like these?

Hill said...

That's one hell of a dream, Randal.


Liberality said...

You were also in my dream except, hey man, you were a cartoon and not really human. I knew that couldn't be right so I kept trying to peel off that cartoon shield/blanket/whatchamacallit but dammit, it wouldn't come off! I woke up in a cold sweat and I still haven't recovered ;~)

Tom Harper said...

Was I there too?

La Belette Rouge said...

If you want that dream interpreted I can recommend a good Freudian or Lacanian---or maybe Doug will give you the answers.

Beach Bum said...

Sorry Randal, you lost me after you mentioned Dirk Benedict. Since they made Starbuck on the new Battlestar Galactica a smoking hot babe Dirk fell by the wayside for us uber-geeks.

Demeur said...

Graves you dog you. You have far better dreams than us peons. Whad ja eat for dinner another dictionary again?

Randal Graves said...

sherry, you expect me to dalai lama up? Togas were so last season.

sunshine, oh no, I made a Canadian mad. What are you going to do, raise the price of your weed? ;-)

SWA, I can't believe you failed to mention Doug. He's pulling rabbits out of his hat in his grave.

one of übermilf's 99 cent disguises, now that's hot.

hill, assuming I didn't make up the whole thing, which I did, unless I didn't.

liberality, but I am a cartoon. Long live 2-D!

tom, I don't dream about commie pinkos. Now, aren't you late for your next freak out, hippie?

LBR, who needs expert psychoanalysis when you have the magic of Doug?

BB, this is why in doing an A-Team reimagining, they should have made all of them babes.

demeur, don't worry, the noodle is back on boring duty for the next decade.

Dr. Zaius said...

MX+Plan B? Isn't that the plan by aliens to resurrect dead humans as zombies?

* Unspeakable Horrors From Outer Space Paralyze The Living And Resurrect The Dead!

* Aliens Resurrecting The Dead! Flying Saucers Over Hollywood!

Anonymous said...

[url=http://citizenblogs.com/?u=videoseami8]Windows Media Player Dolby Surround II Plugin[/url] [url=http://community.freeskier.com/profiles/profile.php?user_id=27237]Ulead DVD Player 1.0[/url]
Nidesoft DVD to AVI Converter Platinum 4.0.11 Convert X to DVD
http://www.drawingboard.org/blogs/?u=videosealexis8 Allok Video to MP4 Converter 4.7.1119
[url=http://www.solonoilista.altervista.org/bloghoster/?u=videoseamabel2]Super Video Joiner[/url] [url=http://www.drawingboard.org/blogs/?u=videosearlette1]Boilsoft Video Splitter 5.01[/url]
iWellsoft Video to RM Converter DVD Region + CSS Free
http://www.drawingboard.org/blogs/?u=videoseallan9 Agood AVI WMV 3GP FLV to iPod Mp4 Converter
AIO Media Player
my icq:858499940385