Dearest Yahoo fantasy league fellows,
Please cease and desist offering your desiccated pieces-parts and names flush with nothing but past glories for a package of Tim Duncan and Kevin Durant. It only proves my suspicions, that you are either stupid or a fool -- or, more disconcerting, suffer from a debilitating physical and/or psychological addiction to a Schedule I controlled substance. Seek clinical assistance immediately.
All the best,
Since our fearless leader is purposely lost in places unknown, no doubt sampling the local fare as he drinks in daytime teevee, there will be no sexy flashing this week for though Maine's favorite son has volunteered his services, I fear he remains stuck doing his impression of Tool Time.
Thus, let me take this golden ticket to address something that has churned and turned its gears within my brain, for I too have suffered from burnout and/or dreaming about global thermonuclear war's comical aftermath and/or gleefully decimating times ten an entire battalion of elected officials.
Us penmanshippers need to buck up. Instead of going for the tried-and-true seppuku when we're in a rage against machinery, we should learn to take it out, not on ourselves, but on others. That's what cubicle jockeys and governments do, right? If they, of all entities, can get away with it, why not us? Hell, I never signed the Rome Statute. Did you?
Now, everyone stand still. My eyesight's bad.
Oh alright, we'll save the not-entirely-random act of sensible violence for later. I'll cautiously admit, I'm a bit of a sap, so shall we close today's coagulation of encephalitic fluids with a confectionery verse?
Think that I shall never see
An internets lovely as a tree?
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against some hottie's heaving breast --
It's only a screen. Hey, 'tis HD --
A tree that looks at porn all day,
And lifts his tired arms to say:
Where's my fucking coffee, bub?
Don't make me drown you in the tub.
This is a library, dumbass. No one blogs for free: gas, grass or
Poems, made by fools like me,
But only Monsanto can genetically alter a tree.
If you stand far away and squint, this post looks like an oil puddle.