Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Decision


What, you thought I was going to riff on that made-for-TV movie?
Plastic fantastic yawn. Ask Paul the Octopus. Oh, alright.

LeBron should show up dressed like this:

After The Leaving®, Cleveland sporting life will return to a comfortable normal: morbid self-medication while alternating blank stares and cathartic screaming at three shit teams sans championship chance.

The way it should be, dammit.


I've got to drop the neutral's search for aesthetically pleasing sport and decide on a footie side in which to permanently invest emotion that also carries the occasional opportunity for glory and joyful self-medication.

Clubs, I await your generous offers.

*example: fucking awesome!


Cormac Brown said...

It would've helped if the front office tried to put together a cohesive team, or at least brought in a decent shooter so he didn't have to be go-to guy on every play.

Mauigirl said...

My game is baseball but I can sympathize given my history as a Red Sox fan in the days during The Curse. I confess going over to the Dark Side and becoming a Yankees fan did result in the satisfaction of winning. But I still self-medicate. There are so many other reasons to do so...

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Any excuse to self-medicate, eh? I understand you can use your Clevelandistan Library Card to get into all the MaryJane clubs out there.



PS - Eat at Ray's for a self-medicating treat!

Randal Graves said...

cormac, though one can quibble with the choices, I can't say the front office didn't try. Of course, I never expected Jamison to be that toothless in the playoffs.

mauigirl, gasp! The Fucking Yankees? You should be thrown into Guantanamo!

tengrain, shhh, don't give away our secret. Everyone will come here for the herb and stay for that fresh Lake Erie eau.

Übermilf said...

Why don't you just become a fan of pizza? People on Facebook do it all the time.

Liberality said...

My son really liked
the star that is leaving your fair city, I don't recall why...

For another past time to get obsessed about try reading, it does a brain good!

Beach Bum said...

Frank Gorshin is having just too much fun in that picture. As for an aesthetically pleasing sport there is always professional bass fishing.

S.W. Anderson said...

For your sake I'm sorry about LeBron's imminent departure, Randal. By way of consolation (I hope) and as a possible domestic bargaining chip for when you find yourself in one of those husbandly tight spots, back to the wall, so to speak, I offer this.

Tom Harper said...

What to do in case of a sports post -- ah yes, I remember now:

Decide on timely comment, click on the Commentaires button, Insert.

BDR said...

It's almost Brankotime! in Unitedville!

And I personally guarantee free beer for the first game you show up at RFK.

sunshine said...

Did you know that Ubermilf and I are actually Facebook friends?
How cool is that???

Anyhow, Mass almost crapped himself when he saw the Riddler pictured on your blog. He is hard core into Superhero's right now and we had quite the conversation coming home from a traveling soccer game the other night.
He wanted to know all the superhero's powers + all the super vilans+ what kind of cars they drove + what their REAL names were.
Yes.. it was a long damn car ride. What with Gabby screaming that she "DOESN"T CARE ABOUT SUPERHEROS AND THEIR POWERS!!" The poor girl just wanted to listen to the newest Kesha song. Oh sorry, it's Ke$ha.

Anyhow. My prediction is that LeBron will stay in Cleveland. :)
He's from there isn't he? Or.. close to there. I don't know what I'm talking about. It's too hot dammit!


sunshine said...

Can I say that LeBron (or whatever his name is).. sounds like a big baby.
You guys really don't want a big baby like him on your team anyways, do you?
Loved his reaction to the burning of his jersey by X-fans. I don't think he could quite believe what he was seeing.
Can't wait for the first Miami vs Cleveland home game!
Of course, I'm sure the Bosh in Toronto will be good too... :)


MRMacrum said...

Pro Sports Stars - Just a bunch of whining, prima donning whoo-res.

Recently I have decided that since I am always off the back on our many bike rides, I should take pride in this. Someone has to be last. I might as well take pride in it and live up to the intense pressure of what being last entails.

Cleveland fans should try that. Seems they might as well. Being last with a bad attitude is way worse than being glad to be bad.

Tim said...

Sports and Cleveland just don't mix.
Maybe roller derby...but only in Cleveland....

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, because pizza would break my heart, too.

liberality, reading? That's for losers who work in libraries.

BB, let me know when they replace the frumpy dudes with bikini-clad babes.

SWA, since that's 24/7, I hope that robot is nuclear-powered.

tom, zing!

BDR, a free beer? I'm on board. Branko!

sunshine, that's not cool at all because that can only lead to my demise.

mrmacrum, someone has a bad attitude about bad attitudes.

tim, I don't trust roller derbyistas either.

Cormac Brown said...

"Of course, I never expected Jamison to be that toothless in the playoffs."

He is a former Golden State Warrior (why don't they just admit that the team is in Oakland???), and as such, he is an All-Star until playoff time, where he will choke like BP in a disaster.

Randal Graves said...

Heh, I can't argue with that.

Distributorcap said...

does cleveland still rock
can they put Lebron in the Rock Hall of Fame