Saturday, July 10, 2010

The first shall be last, the last shall be first and no one gives a shit about who's third.

Profitable World Cup, or most profitable?

Au contraire mon frère, wearers of Nair & bearers of ill will. If you hail from Montevideo or Berlin, you give a shit and dammit, I do too & so should you, woo, even though, as this is my 4,192nd consecutive sporting post, 87.6% of you have long hitched a ride upon the passing electrons, flipping the bird as you slip over the glowing horizon.

So, who wins this affair, pointless to most, but not to the coffers of FIFA®, who, once they learn the joys of American fantasy football, will no doubt create a Champions League-style loser's bracket for the knockout vanquished, preambles to the day's match of actual worth.

Wow, I'm like a real capitalist, mom!

Sepp, you're welcome.

I have no idea who'll win, but I know who I'll be rooting for: Uruguay & The Other Diego, bien sûr. Sure, no shot at the Golden Ball, but the Golden Boot's within legit grasp.

As for what really matters, cast aside any notion of the Super Magical Jesus Baby, Allah, Buddha, Zeus, Odin, Vishnu, oligarchs, slick oil men, bankers, hookers, blow, goopers, dums, teabaggers, proggies/proggels/prognosticators, octopi, quietly defiant postmodernist or wide stancing, birth, death, infinity, for tomorrow contains the one place outside of competitive eating or true global conflict -- and we can only hope & pray that that's around the bend, been promised World War III for decades, where's my fucking laser gun you filthy liars -- where one can rightly say, I'm the greatest in the world.*

"What about --"

Stuff it, Special Jose.

Spain likely to win? You bet.

Did I bet? Hell no. Where we you a month ago, Brother Future?

Hup Holland hup!

No, England, that's not the work of Photoshop.

*I am, of course, for reasons of personal sanity, conveniently ignoring the fact that Cleveland is, by far, by far, tops in collective sporting misery. As a famous 'stache once said, suck on this, world.


Holte Ender said...

I went back and studied your World Cup Preview and I hope you had a few dollars riding on the final pairing, you were spot on, are you an octopus?

It should be a very interesting final, if the Dutch could resurrect all their great players it would be a no contest, even if Spain could do the same thing.

It is a funny thing that Spain are playing the Barcelona way, and Barcelona are playing the Cruyff way. He started this style of play when he was coach and the current coach Pep Guardiola was in his team. It's the Dutch versus the Dutch style, whoever wins (Spain) it will be a tribute to Dutch football and the greatness of the Oranje.

Randal Graves said...

holte, thanks for not mentioning that my other semifinalists were Argentina and the land of your birth.

I couldn't agree more with your assessment. What I find funny is people bagging on Spain, as if they should be scoring like Puskas' Hungarians. Are they even watching their games? The opponent is all but sitting back, and since Spain is so effective as stifling counterattacks (sure, part of that is holding the ball for 900% of the time), unlike the aforementioned Merry Dribblers and Three-Legged Lions, Germany was snuffed out.

I think it's going to be a great match, and if it ever starts to bog down, I'll simply think back to that awful 1990 final and feel much better about this one.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Since my frog buddies blew it early, I moved onto Brazil, and when they blew it I moved onto Spain.

I'm as loyal as can be. Me and Paul the 'pus are goin' big on the Tapas. Of course, having lost all bets the entire World Cup, my judgement is suspect.



Randal Graves said...

Given that this is the only time I can remember correctly choosing before a season/tournament, I'm gonna milk this for all it's worth.

Your 2010-11 Central division champion Cavaliers!

Liberality said...

I heard more about Lebron on It's Only A Game this morning and the hosts were speculating on what sort of selfishness leads Lebron to have an HOUR television time to discuss his move. He is NOT doing himself a favor acting how he is. I've heard nothing but rebuke and criticism for how he's handling this entire thing.

S.W. Anderson said...

OK, just out of curiosity, where do the little guys of Europe -- Liechtenstein, Monaco and San Marino -- figure into this seemingly interminable matchfest?

Tom Harper said...

Au contraire, mon frere, this is actually your 4,193rd sporting post. Big Brother is watching.

Distributorcap said...

ok germany beat uruguay for 3rd - is this thing over

maybe we should do a one hour special on where the 2020 cup should be

**sigh on sports**

Tim said...

Oh, I thought you were doing an Abott and Costello routine....never mind...

susan said...

I follow no sports other than the depressing games played by the evil overlords. If only they were made to wear shorts and wage their loathsome conflicts for the last dollar, dinero, euro, yuan etc. personally I might join the audience to cheer my favorites. Hell, I'd even bring my own ray gun to contests between:

BP Brigands
Con Agra BeeKillers
Goldman Sachs Swindlers
Boeing Bastards
Exxon Embezzlers
GE Wreckers
CIGNA Spoilers
Microsoft Marauders
Halliburton Hellhounds
XE Dacoits :-)
Bechtel Burglars
Lockheed Martin Smashers
Citigroup Pillagers
Wells Fargo Wasters

La Belette Rouge said...

If only Doug Henning were still alive he could make all of this disappear. And when I say all I mean:
The World Cup
ESPN having 20 channels
The Lakers.
I could go on but as Doug is gone I fear that we are going to have to live with these blights.

Madam Z said...

I'd like to grab a ray gun and go with Susan to watch those bad guys destroy each other!

Beach Bum said...

I just wonder what that damn Paul the Octopus will do now. I say put him in charge of global finance, I figure he can't do any worse.

Randal Graves said...

liberality, what's worst is that if it's a Miami-L.A. final, for example, I'll actually be finding myself rooting for The Fucking Lakers.

SWA, they provide the pretty castles and tax-free casino living.

tom, we've always been posting about Eastasia.

dcap, trying so hard to hide your sadness at your beloved Knicks losing out on LeBron, huh.

tim, who's in goal.

susan, at first glance, a wonderful idea, but do you really want to watch pasty, flabby old crackers running around in shorts? Yikes.

LBR, what's wrong with the World Cup, aside from FIFA earning a massive profit at the expense of creatively moved shanty towns?

madam z, and they say the military industrial complex is bloodthirsty!

BB, too bad he's German, I'd vote for him in 2012.