Thursday, July 15, 2010

No time for blog, Dr. Strangelove!

Yesterday, I scared myself with thoughts of a future without solace, existence as a galvanised corpse shackled in a pre-red giant public sphere (redundant, because there wouldn't be a public sphere post-red giant, but I'm stupid & for that I apologize) for your amused gawking, patronizing nickel tosses my reward for each Karloffian growl. This inevitably led to night terrors various and decidedly not sundry; blind vampires with a supernatural sense of smell (a pox upon thee, onion rings so delicious), attack of the 50 foot high radioactive singing spiders, sludge-level employment in a Wall Street firm &, worst of all, the dayglo horror of post-apocalyptic mutation, globs of poisoned skin creeping off the bone, cannibal holocaust in a low simmer for eight hours, awaiting the rotten, Cyclopean maw of C-Span.

Woke up, shook off icy sweat, petted our pussies, showered & shuttled my sartorial self to the land of systemic study of syntax & semiotics. Oh, and selling stealing & other surreptitious swindles. Can't leave out the MBA program.

Humid today, like fucking Tampa humid.

Which calls for --

you guessed it, your favorite & mine, classic Floridian death metal!

So many memories. Sniff. Play shuffleboard to that, geezers.

Shit, I think I just threw out my back. Getting old sucks.

At least I won't be decrepit & immortal.


okjimm said...

It's not hot.... you wimp! The real HEAT is in Miami... and so is LeBron! hehehehehe. Course the Browns could win a championship yet. Like in 2020. hehehehe

BDR said...

Of course it's hot and humid, it's t-minus eight hours to BRANKOTIME!

The beer will be cold.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

At least I won't be decrepit & immortal.

I think the word you were looking for was immoral.



Demeur said...

You did hear that Dick Cheney has now been officially declared a zombie (no pulse). And he did it all by himself with no help from fifty foot atomic ants.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, all we have to do is make the planes of the 31 other teams crash.

BDR, I'm printing up Brankomania! shirts as we speak.

tengrain, only the Super Magical Jesus Baby can judge me.

demeur, but, like them, does he sing?

Mary Ellen/Nunly said...

I like hot. It's a good thing. ;-)

And don't be so hard on yourself... you're not old, just decrepit. :-)

susan said...

Crap! Why did you have to remind me again about The Book of Eli just when I thought I'd wiped the embarrassing viewing experience from my memory. Mad Max it wasn't.

Maybe you need to have George Romero visit Cleveland to check out the best cellars for zombies to spring from.

Tim said...

I always forget to have a drink before visiting...You Paint a very vivid picture of yourself in the future..For that I need two drinks...

Randal Graves said...

nunly, are you coming on to me?

susan, he really needs to give up this whole Pittsburgh shtick. Cleveland is much more conducive to dystopian storytelling.

tim, if I've convinced more people to drink, mission accomplished. Now I just need an aircraft carrier and banner.

Übermilf said...

You're not decrepit, you're a degenerate.

Also, nothing good comes out of Florida, ever.

sunshine said...

That was one hell of a dream! Yikes!
And I cannot believe that no one has said anything dirty regarding your petting of pussies!

It's humid here too. I was baby sitting my 3 year old great niece Mia and fell asleep on the job. Literally. Didn't wake up until I heard her Mum (my niece Jessica) yelling hello from the front door!
Now that's old. :P
And yes, it does suck. But, you're younger than me so, shut the hell up.

((Hugs)) with a titty press because mine are looking oh so fine today!

Tom Harper said...

"a future without solace, existence as a galvanised corpse shackled in a pre-red giant public sphere..."

Ah, the stuff of which dreams are made.

Beach Bum said...

With Florida humidity a Florida beach with hot chicks isn't far away...well the Atlantic coast at least.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, Morbid Angel, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Chuck Schuldiner, Cynic, Jeb Bush.

sunshine, maybe you're the only one with the dirty mind, Canuck, and your comment bears this out. Oh, FCC?

tom, at least until I can find a way to grow synaptic pathways in a Petri dish.

BB, good point. I temporarily retract my disdain for heat & humidity.

MRMacrum said...

If the enemy wastes a bullet on Cleveland, it will mean they are just sighting in their rifles. But I guess knowing which way the bullet is coming from might help. Provided the Clevlanders who might be concerned for their safety have read the above heads up notice from the powers that be.

Other than that, putting your head between your legs and kissing your ass goodbye would probably be the smarter move.

And Other than that - Getting old does not suck as much as getting dead. Unless of course you have run out of Depends and situation would warrant self offing rather than face the derision of the skate punk standing behind you at the local 7 Eleven.

Randal Graves said...

I guess at the end of the day, they'll be taking 'skate or die' literally. Unless they become the radioactive mutants we all secretly hope to be.

Liberality said...

old? you? NEVER! Rock until you die dude!!!