Friday, April 22, 2011

Oh, when the saint, goes wheelie busing in

Hey man, is that Ragnarok? Yeah man! Well turn it up, man!

Yestereve I see a vision of my village in need of its own patron saint, others do, why can't we join in, too, comical coming from a cultist of Cthulhu, no? No, we don't wear togas or pointy hats except when the local chapter of the Esoteric Order of Dagon puts on its annual Christmas pageant, the centerpiece of which is Animal House set for stage. Thus, up from some unnumbered circle of hell, where pagans of distinction dwell; where Ivar the Boneless holds court; where apologies are the ex-consort of inside jokery (I'm working on that epic swashbuckler, swear), not really, but gentlemanly 'tis I, floats on a noxious cloud of pestilence (aka the local industrial pit), the holy prestidigitator -- well, we haven't decided on whom just yet.

As chosen by a select panel of experts, the finalists:

"Dear Councilman Cimperman, may you overdose on kielbasa."

St. Anthony the Abbott, hogs.

"Wasting your time, Greg."

St. Gregory Thaumaturgus, lost causes.

If only your humble host was that pretty. At least I don't have a gallstone.

St. Drogo, gallstones, coffeehouse keepers & unattractive people.

Flying high again.

St. Joseph of Cupertino, "astronauts," dude.

Due to extended acid trip, forgets that brigands usually come armed.

St. Leonard ("Lenny") of Noblac, against robbers, robbery, brigands, or brigandage. 

Works on a sex farm. Don't we all.

St. Hubbins, quality footwear.


okjimm said...

hey.... you forgot me"!!!!! Like, see, I could use the employment....

"St. OK of jimm"... kinda has a ring to it, huh? patron saint of eggrolls... just saying... get back to me, ok?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

St. Leonard ("Lenny") of Noblac, against robbers, robbery, brigands, or brigandage.


Beach Bum said...

St. Joseph of Cupertino, "astronauts," dude

With the shuttles going offline and nothing ready to take their place I'm going with this guy in hopes of making it to the moon before I die.
Or, I can just wait for the Chinese, they are making plans.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, to be a saint, you are required to die for your eggrolls. Furthermore, you're a Wisconsinonian, which is almost as bad as being a witch.

if, Lemmy's already god, heathen.

BB, they'll serve up a special lead-lined capsule for their American underlings.

Tom Harper said...

Brigands usually come armed?!?!?! Wow Man, I've gotta remember that for my next trip Man.

susan said...

You forgot to mention the patron saint of capitalists:

Saint Pambo lead us to mortify our gluttony by fasting and penance. Amen.

thatgirl said...

on the St. Stanislaus website:

Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are days of abstinence from meat and also days of fast (i.e., one moderate major meal). The law regarding abstinence applies to all Catholics over the age of 14. The law regarding fasting applies to all Catholics over the age of 18 until their 59th birthday.

All remaining Fridays in Lent are days of abstinence from meat. Of course, all-you-can-eat fish fries or dining on lobster tails really have no place during this season.

Please take this small act of mortification seriously as we enter the HOLY season of Lent. A little moderation never killed anyone.

I love how cranky and get-off-my-lawn this is in the most liturgical way possible. It's like being in PSR all over again.

Randal Graves said...

tom, either pack heat or master the delicate art of bartering.

"Sir, I shall give you one cow plus one shooting iron if you give me one less buckshot to the stomach."

susan, Wall Streeters both in and out of office get one? There's gotta be one for slacker civil servants.

thatgirl, and that's precisely why us RC étudiants felt bad for the PSR kids. They always got an extra dose of fire n' brimstone because they, unlike us lucky shulbs, were enrolled in the nearest heathen hedonist factory, the public school in certain circles.

Is that one moderate major meal per day or for all of Lent, and what constitutes moderate? Sometimes I need that second bowl of raisin bran.

Dr. Zaius said...

I vote for Marcia Brady.

Tengrain said...

Graves you swine!

Zaius is nuts!

marsha, Marsha, MARSHA!

Rgds, TG

S.W. Anderson said...

Always an informative read here, and today I learned there's a patron saint of coffee. Who knew?

I might not be a patron saint, but I have it on good authority that if anything happens to me, a couple of coffee-growing countries plan a national day of mourning.

Demeur said...

Do I need to dust off my sack cloth and ashes for this?

A patron saint of coffee? Where shall I build the alter to his caffeineness?

Randal Graves said...

dr. zaius, as long as no one sings the Marcia Marcia Marcia song.

tengrain, brigand!

SWA, just think, once you're a corpse, your badly-constructed likeness will be parading the Brazilian streets during Carnival along with Pele, Freyre and the Victoria's Secret models.

demeur, the power of the bean is everywhere, each drink is a homage to roastliness, amen & such.