"Randal, you look so fine today. Of course I'm wearing my beer goggles, why do you ask?"
I've nothing against the drink, but man, am I fucking glad I'm not at work today so I don't have to deal with the inevitable invasion of drunken, hooky-playing idiots buzzing like bloodthirsty, brain-damaged flies around the tightly coiled feces serpent that is the St. Patrick's Day parade meandering through downtown Cleveland.
"Dude! Where's the fucking bathroom!"
"Your pants, apparently."
Oh, and don't fall in the giant crater, morons.
"Dude, that's the biggest tap I've ever seen!"
At least the little kids don't get plastered, then annoying.
They're merely there to see shiny, floaty things of green.
Let us close on a classy note, with some poetry.
Edgar, take it away.
Lines on ale
Fill with mingled cream and amber
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain -
Quaintest thoughts - queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.