Thursday, March 27, 2008

Invasion of the body snatchers

Sure, the temperature is still a bit cool in Northeast Ohio, but I couldn't place why I began to shudder so, such bodily tectonics strangely allied with a hint of a piquant, vomity feeling climbing up the throat. Arriving at work, I immediately hung ten on the internets to find out if there was some heretofore underreported strain of the avian flu making the rounds.

It was something much, much worse.

President Bush is offering a fresh assessment of progress on political, security and economic fronts in Iraq as he weighs a decision on troop levels.

The president planned to use the National Museum of the United States Air Force in Dayton, Ohio, as the backdrop for his address.
Take it easy, Hangar 18 and put away your ray guns. You want fresh assessments? You got 'em, and just dig that rhythm!
The U.S. military spokesman in Baghdad also gave an upbeat assessment.

"Iraqi operations in Basra also reflect the growing ability of the Iraqi security forces, Iraqi decision-making and Iraqi leadership," said Maj. Gen. Kevin Bergner. He said that the operation wasn't against the Mahdi Army, only against outlaws who didn't honor Sadr's freeze.

Rikabi similarly said that the Iraqi government isn't targeting any political group or party, only "outlaws, the gangs and the murderers."

The situation on the ground suggested otherwise.
Hey, Captain Doom and Gloom, take some pills for your BDS. There'll soon be a new sheriff in town and at the end of his six-shooter is incontrovertible proof that when Al Qaeda blows shit up, you damn well better believe we won't need to stay forever because the Iraqis have things in hand and they can keep their oil because we sure don't want it.

Confused? Don't be! Come January 20, 2009, this twisted intrigue will be given crisp, reinvigorating clarity! Take a whiff. Damn right it's that just-out-of-the-showroom new car smell!

"I don't care what anyone says, but I did stay on the Straight Talk Express last night."


Dean Wormer said...

I think McCain is exagerating the size of his "straight talk" in that picture.

Anonymous said...

RG - Are you feeling sick or not? It's just amazing at how neither Obama or Clinton are calling Bushie and Mc(old man's)Cane on their bullshit. You may be right, man. Come 1/20/09, we may see four more years of what nobody wants.

Dr. Zaius said...

I knew that the Smoking Man was running the McCain campaign! Muldar and Scully have their work cut out for them. Pod people are showing up everywhere!

okjimm said...

Feel Like I'm Fixing To Die Rag

Country Joe & the Fish

Come on all of you big strong men
Uncle Sam needs your help again
he's got himself in a terrible jam
way down yonder in Viet Nam so
put down your books and pick up a gun we're
gonna have a whole lotta fun
And it's one, two, three, what are we fighting for
don't ask me I don't give a damn, next stop is Viet Nam
And it's five, six, seven, open up the pearly gates
ain't no time to wonder why, whoopee we're all gonna die
Come on generals, let's move fast
your big chance has come at last
now you can go out and get those reds
cos the only good commie is the one that's dead and
you know that peace can only be won when we've
blown 'em all to kingdom come
Come on wall street don't be slow
why man this war is a go-go
there's plenty good money to be made by
supplying the army with the tools of its trade
let's hope and pray that if they drop the bomb,
they drop it on the Viet Cong
Come on mothers throughout the land
pack your boys off to Viet Nam
come on fathers don't hesitate
send your sons off before it's too late
and you can be the first ones on your block
to have your boy come home in a box

Gees, sounds like the same ol song in a brand new bottle. And it still tastes shitty.

excusez-moi. Je dois aller trouvent une Religieuse.

Tom Harper said...

There, now see, things really ARE getting better in Iraq. That damn liberal media; it's about time they finally started reporting on some of the GOOD news from Iraq.

Anonymous said...

I thought I read somewhere that the new car smell makes people sick. HHmmmm

Randal Graves said...

dean, that was entirely uncalled for. I need to go wash out my brain.

spartacus, only when reading about The Maverick®. I share your worry. The media is in his corner, so it's up to the Dems to point out how dangerous a McCain presidency would be.

dr. zaius, did you try taking a moment to breathe? I did, and I'm still here on the old Earth. I'm sure the sunsets are much prettier on the new one!

okjimm, it's a good thing the economy is so robust otherwise even more people might join the military in order to have some financial stability. Of course if we start bombing more places, it might get drafty.

tom, which is why I had to post on it. I'm as excited as you are! Can't you feel the upbeatness?

fot, "What is that? McCain? You should have gone with the Sandalwood."

dguzman said...

"a piquant, vomity feeling"--the perfect response to all things McGeezer.

Angie said...

I need to go get myself some flat 7-up and some saltines. Ugh!

PoliShifter said...

Bush said something like the uptick in violence in Iraq (rapidly devolving into a full scale Civil War) is just proof 'The Surge' is working.

Then again he didn't know we were in a recession, thinks working 3 jumps is 'uniquely American', and can't believe $4/gallon gas is a possibility.

Look, Bush has nothing to worry about.

An Asteroid could strike the earth wiping out 99.9% of humanity and Bush/Cheney would live out their years in total luxury in a secret underground lair.

Bush will say whatever he wants. The bolder the lie the more people will believe it.

Apparently the 30% that still support him just lap it all up.

Frederick said...

McCain is a shoe in. Amerika is just that stupid.

b said...

Would someone please make the scary politicians go away!!!

okjimm said...

//make the scary politicians go away!!!//

gees, I vote....

it hasn't helped. I am thinking that a little mescaline might work.

Mauigirl said...

I have a terrible feeling you're right that McCain will be here for the next four years. Unless Hillary sees the light or someone steps in to stop the madness we are doomed.

Randal Graves said...

dguzman, heh heh, McGeezer.

angie, those little pretzels work wonders, too!

poli, we should apply that logic to other areas of our lives. "What are you eating for dinner?"
"Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Again."
"The economy is working!"

frederick, I would love to disagree with you, but sadly, you're right. You see all these polls on individual issues, and the majority of Americans are "center-left" on nearly all of them. Yet McCain is virtually tied with either Dem.

b, believe me, if I was granted magic powers, that'd be one of the first things I'd do. Know anyone who doesn't want magic powers any longer?

okjimm, stock up on all the mood and mind-altering substances now, just in case.

mauigirl, I simply don't trust enough Americans to vote for the Dem to keep it out of theft range. Hope I'm wrong, but they don't exactly have a good recent track record.

TomCat said...

It falls to us to keep publicizing the insanity of choosing McConJob. The MSM will certainly not tell the truth about him.

susan said...

How about Phil Gramm as the next Secretary of the Treasury? Do you think that plan might be more likely to scare people? It will happen if McCain wins but I guess most people will be saying 'Phil who?'

Randal Graves said...

tomcat, hey, they don't want to lose their seat on the Straight Talk Express!

susan, more people probably know who Lou Gramm is. And I'd rather have him be Secretary of the Treasury, even if that means more Foreigner on the airwaves.