Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Happy TSA Day

What seer could have predicted that a time known primarily for a rash of couch potatoing that leaves a rash, extraoverconspicuous consumption & the attendant flatulence, belching & other gassy emanations would now become the naughtiest time of the year?

Move over, Mr. Blackwell. My sartorial suggestion, a sexy TSA agent. 

You scoff, but my faux bus driver threads keep my junk from being touched by unauthorized playmates. You scoff once again, but just you wait till a public transportationista device blows up real good.

On a sadder note, death, you're the real jive turkey.

This sucks.

Yes, Miss Pitt, it does.

Chumps, you best show some respect & hit your pigskin & charred bird carcass with a Hammer. Speaking of pigskins, I hope The Ohio The State The University's The New Duds look as swanky as these. Question: is the army (& by subtle extension, the entire military, & by subtler extension, the state) still of one or strong or some other mad men slogan of which I am unfamiliar?

In the meantime, have fun painting the devil on the wall.


sunshine said...

Wow! You make Thanksgiving/Xmas sound real sex-eh! Burps, fluffs (what we call.. you know... ahem... farts)... and rashes!

I WISH I could comment further but, I'm in a bit of a tizzy today as I WAS up to 99 Followers just an hour ago and now I'm back down to 98!!!
I'm going to have to start writing down names so that I will know who it is that has DUMPED me!!

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!!! Even though I will not be celebrating... (Canadian Thanksgiving in in the waaaay better time of October).. I shall bake a pie in honour of y'all. :)
Have like, a totally awesome weekend!!!

BDR said...

We should start a poll - in what year will Nike sign a contract to outfit the TSA? 2011!

Bump thanks!

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, well maybe if you'd make your blog a bit more sexy like the TSA, you wouldn't have to resort to passing out pie!

BDR, Just Do It being tinged with a bit of the Orwellian is fine, but this is a whole new realm of fucking ick.

Charles F. Oxtrot said...

Only turkeys are afraid to fly during the Holy Days.

Demeur said...

I'll be sure to consume copious amounts of Campbells' pork and beans before flying thereby giving their job a certain "air' of distinction.

susan said...

I read this morning the Israeli's have come up with a much more thorough screening device that doesn't invade privacy at all. The traveler enters a little room, closes the door and an agent presses a button which triggers any explosives the passenger my be wearing.

Happy Thanksgiving :-)

Randal Graves said...

charles, if you were a bird, you'd be afraid of the military's flying snakes, too.

demeur, excellent idea, and while you're at it, act out some other scenes from Blazing Saddles, really catch security off guard.

susan, ha! Wait, Bibi, is that you?

Tom Harper said...

All right, love me some Megadeth.

If I was planning to fly any time soon, I'd follow Demeur's advice.

Susan Tiner said...

This morning my sweetie Martin said, in falsetto voice, pretending to enter the screening device, "enjoy yourself boys -- oh, and here's my number."

La Belette Rouge said...

So many reasons to love this post:
1. You are making sartorial suggestions.
2. You mentioned Mr. Blackwell.
3. You are making fashion suggestions.
4. My speakers aren't connected to my laptop.
5. You mixed metaphors, vampires aren't usually associated with Thanksgiving. Perhaps they could be. Easier to eat a turkey leg with an enlarged bicuspid.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, may your Thanksgiving truly be a day of extraoverconspicuous consumption & the attendant flatulence, belching & other gassy emanations, plus such end-to-end sports extravaganzas as you may desire. May your family and friends enjoy the day in their preferred ways, too — at a safe distance. :)

Susan has a great security idea. The way things go, though, it would probably mostly just cause pacemakers to quit.

Liberality said...

Happy turkey day to you and yours. Now pass the veggies and no, I don't want that blood.

PS. keep your gas to yourself sir!

Chef Cthulhu said...

Don't wear anything special in the screening line. Just sew a set of bumper nutz into your trousers.

Happy Thanksgiving, Randal.

Beach Bum said...

Question: is the army (& by subtle extension, the entire military, & by subtler extension, the state) still of one or strong or some other mad men slogan of which I am unfamiliar?

If you have to ask that question you don't have the clearance to know.

Tengrain said...

Happy Thanksgiving, you swine!

Did the Mincemeat pie ferment again?

I understand that Ray's is running an early bird, all-you-can-eat special on Tongue, the food that tastes you back.



Michael Hart said...

Wearing your avatar hat backwards is still a big red flag, Randal; they'll be no leftover turkey for you in your stay with the TSA.

Distributorcap said...

have you been touching the Turkey's junk again?

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Dr. Zaius said...

I miss Hammer Films, but mostly I miss Hammer Film's actresses.