Friday, February 4, 2011

Manly Men of Manliness

As is divine right, Sir Comic Sans shalt own ye pocketbook.

Gambling, one of the Manly Arts, is at last rolling into Cleveland.
Inside the casino, Rock Ohio’s architects are working on designs that should harmonize with the Art Deco plaster details inside and with the Horseshoe brand, which Forbes described as "masculine," "contemporary" and "elegant."
Note the manly emphasis. Let us pray. O Lord, smiter of all teetotaling non-Plutons, in faith this newest Unfailable Regional Economic Development Corporate-Citizen Partnership Downtown Project shan't prove as fleeting as the previous 752 Unfailable Regional Economic Development Corporate-Citizen Partnership Downtown Projects including Medical Mart, the Chinese Democracy of Unfailable Regional Economic Development Corporate-Citizen Partnership Downtown Projects. Amen.

One play is indeed fleeting, but...

Speaking of Manly Men of Manliness, The Fucking Steelers contra The Little Town That Could: look, everyone knows that Ben Roethlisberger moonlights as a life coach, James Harrison would punch a blind, paraplegic child in the skull if it would help Pittsburgh win, B.J. Raji will be voted off Celebrity Survivor Dancing post-retirement, Aaron Rodgers robs from the Favre to give to the poor & that the proper way to dump the The Fucking Steelers in an out-of-the-way ditch on Route 66 so they rot under the sun & in the stomachs of vultures is to bomb bomb bomb Iran McCain their secondary. If the Packers do that, they win. If they don't, they don't. Simple. Now if you'll excusez-moi, I'm off to sacrifice a blonde virgin who will return from the dead within 24 hours in order to seduce Troy Polamalu &, whilst he sleepeth, cut off his hair then eat his brain. Because I'm sick & fucking tired of watching the Cavs lose their last fifty-five, Jennings, Driver, Nelson & Jones 28-24. Joy to the world.

...still cause for celebration.  

All the boys & girls.


Laura said...

Let's Go Steelers!!!!
Whoo Hoo!!!


Randal Graves said...

Bah, what the bloody hell is wrong with you? Don't make me fire that lake shore cannon.

Übermilf said...

She always hugs you at the end, though.

You know what probably would make you feel better than Laura's hug? Knowing I was snowbound, stuck in the house for two days with a fifth grader who loves to practice her French horn. And a second grader who erased all my DVR'd programs while taping "Shark Boy and Lava Girl."

Demeur said...

So they're going for the robber baron chiche are they.

Check the refs pockets. Are they glad to see us or did Ben pay them a visit with a suitcase full of cash last night?

Demeur said...

Uber I can lend you a pair of earplugs but if you haven't learned by now to lock up all valuables with kids present I can't help you. Oh and it gets worse and more expensive as they get older.

Susan Tiner said...

That fellow in the T-shirt looks as if he's already imbibed.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, hmm, a chance for copping a Canuck feel or your misery. A dilemma worthy of Solomon.

demeur, they just called Locklear for holding again.

susan t, ridiculous, Ben's simply high on life & always comports himself in the finest manner.

Liberality said...

I don't know how you managed to get that picture of me but I swear I am only drinking ice tea! :)

Jim H. said...

My eldest, a male [whew], was out & about in the vicinity of Big Ben that fateful night in Milledgeville where he colleges. On that basis alone [a personal correspondence from the gods?], I'm [unofficially] wagering his Jeep on the Steelers by 4 [game suspension?].

Anonymous said...

This must not pass without comment, this notion of Ubermenschen!

Laura said...

How funny am I?
I mean really..... how funny?


Randal Graves said...

liberality, you can't fool me, lush.

jim, saying this is a tossup is extra cliche-y, but it really is. The most important thing is that your eldest is a dude, no Ben-ny Hill for him whew!

charles, bwah, have some cake.

laura, due to your criminal rooting for The Fucking Steelers, I'm afraid I'm going to have to retract our Nobel Peace Prize worthy international internets confabery.

susan said...

Maybe Cleveland should just go ahead with that expansion of the CAV's Hall of Infamy.. a sure economic life saver.

S.W. Anderson said...

You never know, Unfailable Regional Economic Development Corporate-Citizen Partnership Downtown Project No. 753 could be The One that puts Cleveland in the big time.

So yes, pray, because as the holier-than-thou men and women of the Free Market Faith insist ad nauseum, wild excesses of civic boosterism are good for the soul.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Randal, the thought of gambling availability in Cleveland makes me forget all about Las Vegas and its sunny weather/68 degree highs this weekend.

Of course, I'm way down south in Columbus, so we're much warmer than where you are.

Tom Harper said...

Careful you don't start gambling away your paycheck. I hope this casino will at least offer free drinks while you're playing the slot machines, like they do in Reno.

Chef Cthulhu said...

I don't mind casinos. I really don't mind the 3/6 hold'em tables at 2 am on a Saturday, when all the drunk and tired dumbshits who watch too much WSOP seem more than willing enough to give all their chips away.

As Doyle Brunson once said, "It's immoral to let a sucker keep his money."

Chef Cthulhu said... my poker history wrong. That was "Canada Bill Jones" and not Doyle Brunson.

Randal Graves said...

susan, just imagine the sparkly brilliance of the exhibit once we set the all-time eternal mark of inexorable futility this very evening.

SWA, I'm decidedly pro-play craps 'til your heart's content if that's your gig, but at least the inevitable failure will help us regain the top spot in the miserable city index. Take that, Stockton, Californistan!

if, but didn't you guys get a greater gob of Death By Ice than us?

tom, no worries as my paycheck generally evaporates about eight seconds after it gets deposited.

chef, at least in the short-term, the public transporationista conglomerate will be in the black thanks to suburbanites willing to bet baby's milk money. Of course, once they're broke, it's back to jacking up the rates for even later service.

okjimm said...

PacK by ten.......could be more but I never take my shoes off in the winter

Madam Z said...

Your paragraph on the "Fucking Steelers" is absolutely brilliant!
I especially enjoyed the line about Polamalu. You ROCK, Randall, even if your team doesn't.

okjimm said...

28-24..... hey you were pretty spot on. It could have been a lot worse for the Steelers if "the Pack receivers could catch balls right in there hands.... if Woodson and Driver didn't get hurt early.

I was really proud of myself.... I didn't watch one goddam commercial.