Saturday, February 26, 2011

You stuperous funker


Not pictured: the university pretzeldent.

Dear university pretzeldent,

Thank you for waiting until public transportationistas such as yours truly were on the public transportationista wheelie bus literally halfway to work in a raging Blizzard of Perpetual Torment when you decided in your infinite housing voucher to pull the plug for it gave me time to fortify myself with a second bowl of Wheaties in order to successfully shovel the eight inches of snow on my driveway uphill in my bare feet.

With kindest unregards,


P.S. I wouldn't have done any work anyway & if one couples that with my propensity to nein-smile, why not just permit me to slack at home whilst still collecting a paycheck, not all that different from you in fact I think I'm going to go after your job. Any tips on where to pick up one of those plastic spouse dolls, I want to really look the part.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

That's great!

I can hardly wait for the film version.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Enjoying your weekend? Thank a union!

And...Knuckles the Dog!11!!!1!

(Killdozer - Madison, WI)

Randal Graves said...

if, thank a union? I'm *at* work today, so screw you union, and thanks for giving me Monday off when I could be helping even more people, my life's calling, hmph.

Anonymous said...

I was going to read this post but I'm preoccupied with my search for my red Swingline.

Beach Bum said...

Any tips on where to pick up one of those plastic spouse dolls, I want to really look the part.

Good question, I see plenty of them down here in Godland. Twenty-something sweet young things with a huge ass rock on the wedding ring finger, driving stylish BMW and monster SUV's, along with the intelligence of a gold fish. Husbands usually take the form of real estate developer running from the mid-50's to early 60's and believe the world serves only them. Quite the irritating bunch with little in the way of redeeming qualities.

I can't wait for the zombie apocalypse, will herd a bunch of the brain munchers their way and into their high class subdivisions shooting the ornate doors of their homes down.

Yeah, I'm in a bad mood but I have beer now, so things are looking up.

okjimm said...

Snow? I thoughtz you likez da snow!

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Any tips on where to pick up one of those plastic spouse dolls, I want to really look the part.

Newt Gingrich usually found them on their knees, under his desk. I'd start there if I were you, but be careful being under his desk.



Randal Graves said...

charles, while you're doing that, can you get rid of the cockroaches? Thanks a bunch.

BB, oh no, this one isn't SC style, more like surgeried to death.

okjimm, I love the snow, I just hate getting on the bus & then having to come back home while still on the bus when I could have never left the slack in the first place.

tengrain, get thee hence, you sick bastarde.

Demeur said...

You're sliding Graves. I think I like BBs' comment better than your post. Slacking on your slacking are we?

susan said...

Maybe you could write a nice letter recommending him for a job as a bus driver. I'm sure he'd be so delighted he'd be glad to let you have his office.

thatgirl said...

You always did have Office Warfare ambitions cleverly cloaked the guise of curmudgeonly gen-X slacker. None of us would have ever guessed.

Well played.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, you had me believing you're a fan of winter's bounty of cold, wet, windy, work-generating white $#@&.

You think you got troubles? We had 11 inches on the ground and temps of -4 degrees F. last night. The week was a horror story of arctic cold whipped by winds up to 25 mph, snow, ice, more wind, more snow, more cold. And, more is coming Sunday and Monday.

La Belette Rouge said...

We had snow in L.A. today. Yes, real snow. Now it didn't stick but I just thought you should know that we get the stuff. Maybe, if you don't get the job at your illustrious University you could expand your job search to the University of California system.

Landru said...

I hear it never snows in Buffalo.

Laura said...

Yousguys are a bunch of hosers eh. You wouldn't know a snow storm if it smacked you in the bum!

Call me if you make pretzeldent. I could be an awesome trophy wife! Even though I'm older than you....
Hmmmmmm. :)

P.S. I've been DEATHLY ill. Thanks for checking in on me.
Oh wait a second-you didn't!

Übermilf said...

Beach Bum is awesome.

Demeur is right.

So is Laura (about you being a jerk)

Jim H. said...

Randal, Charles: Take two steps away from that printer. No I'm serious. And put down that baseball bat. Right this minute.

I sure hope RG is not your real name and that your pretzeldent doesn't happen upon your joint. It's funny, but without some sort of union protection they're liable to shitcan your ass. I don't care how many pieces of flair you have on your uniform.

Jim H.

Randal Graves said...

demeur, someone's been sleeping. The comments are *always* better than my posts.

susan, I've always wanted to wear a power tie.

thatgirl, muahahahaha, etc.

SWA, I love winter, I just hate going to work.

LBR, vraiment? Californistan just gained 27 groovy points. Snow, snow, beautiful snow!

landru, & they have an exceptional football team.

laura, trophy wives don't talk like that!

übermilf, of course I'm a jerk. Where the hell have you been?

jim, not even if I have 38? Honestly, I don't think this pretzeldent has set foot once inside this not-that-hallowed institution.

Susan Tiner said...

No fair, LA getting snow when we only got hail. But they were big hail stones.