Friday, September 28, 2007

Would you like some depression with your coffee?

OHMYFUCKINGGODWEREGONNADIE!

Think it's only gasbag wingnut hairpieces acting out their Halo 3 fantasy? Think again.

The officials say the Iranians fully understand that while the United States could destroy Iran's major nuclear facilities, it would be far harder to manage the probable response, which could include heightened attacks on American forces in Iraq, possible retaliation on Israel or the destabilization of governments from Lebanon to Pakistan.
Very true, especially since Mahmoud is personally directing all insurgency actions in Iraq itself via his NUCLEAR-powered Supervillian® Mind Control Device. What to do, what to do...I've got it!
So discussions now center on cutting off even more lending to the Iranians and - for the first time - supplies of technology and other goods. But that would require severing, one by one, deep ties between European and Iranian businesses, and necessitate what Mr. Hadley called a consensus for "aggressive action, even if that means compromising their commercial interests."
Come on, Old Europe, help out a bosom chum. Not like it's our money. We've got oil scratch, and lots of it. So, aggressive action *wink wink nudge nudge* is the way to go? I'm sure some of the top brass will agree with that!
"This constant drumbeat of war is not helpful, and it's not useful," said Adm. William J. Fallon, the senior American commander in the region.
I wonder what the over/under is on how long Fallon keeps his job.
Inside the Administration, senior officials say they have also considered organizing a regional forum to confront Iran, using as a model the "six party" talks with North Korea, an effort to put pressure on that country from all its neighbors. But in the Middle East, officials say, the idea has hardly gotten off the ground.
Given what a positive influence we've been in the region, I'm as surprised as you are. But cast aside your worries, the military itself is here to save us from folly, just like the framers intended. And here you thought all the bloviating about a supine press corps proved that the system was indeed broken. It's not, so shut up about it.

8 comments:

Kvatch said...

I wonder what the over/under is on how long Fallon keeps his job.

Rumors abound that he's already been eased out of a job.

Randal Graves said...

Really. One brick at a time...

Tom Harper said...

Yes, that'll work, organizing all of Iran's neighbors against Iran. Sort of like a group intervention. After all, we're the heroes of the world. All those primitive countries wish they could be more like America, and this intervention will give them a chance to suck up to us.

Randal Graves said...

It's insanely cliché, but I can't help but think of the later Roman Empire. Sure, our occupation is over the sea, but Iraq's been quite a training ground for our enemies. Didn't even have to draft the Goths into our armies.

I mean, we'll be greeted even better than we were in Iraq. Flowers at our feet? Bah, cases of the finest Iranian teas and harems for each officer.

PoliShifter said...

The knock on the occupation of Iraq in the early days was that it wasn't a real war. Not after movies like Flags of our Fathers, Saving Private Ryan, We Were Soldiers, etc showcased what real war was like.

In the early days conservatives liked to scoff at the death toll of U.S. Soldiers. We'd barely cracked 1000. That's no war, that's a bar fight.

Time has gone on, we're nearing 4000 dead.

What's not talked about are the over 25,000 wounded, many of whom would be dead if we were using Vietnam Era battle field Medicine.

So, 4 years into the war, if we take into account the advancement of battlefield medicine, if this were 1968 we could very well be at 20,000 dead and on par for a 10 year track 58,000 dead like Vietnam. Now that's a god damned war. Hell in Iwo Jima 23,000 Marines were killed or injured...that was a man's war.

But I disgress...

My point was that if we do bomb Iran they will most certainly attack our troops in Iraq who will be sicking ducks starting with the 200 stationed on the Iraq-Iran border as bait.

And then the glorious numbers will come in....10,000 dead Americans, 20,000 dead Americans...30,000 dead Americans.

And conservatives will applaud and rally. It will finally be a real war. The public will be outraged, young men and women across the nation will swell the ranks of the military, and we'll have ourselves a good old fashioned ground war fulfilling Bush's dream to make the Global war on terror just like WW2.

Randal Graves said...

What's not talked about are the over 25,000 wounded, many of whom would be dead if we were using Vietnam Era battle field Medicine.

Excellent point, but what's frustrating is that if any talking head pointed this out, it would merely be proof that Vietnam was a success. "See, it was only 5,000 that truly died. If we refought it now *ahem* we'd win!"

and we'll have ourselves a good old fashioned ground war fulfilling Bush's dream to make the Global war on terror just like WW2.

"Is our presidents learning? Just call me Oedipus Executor Singulum, heh, heh." WW2 has become such a cottage industry and it has to be, in their broken world, a painful reminder of just how inadequate they are, and our soldiers and the Iraqi people are paying the price in blood.

Candace said...

Everybody relax. This is the New Greatest Generation we're talking about. We can git 'er done. Let's roll!

omfg

Randal Graves said...

WE *CAN* GIT 'ER DONE!


Anyone have any extra troops lying around? And a sizable dose of worldly goodwill?