Thursday, January 24, 2008

How do I love thee...

...let me count, er, I'm sorry, so very sorry, mon bon-bon Dana. Math has never been my strong suit. I have failed you once again, my dear.

Here, one last token of my love, this poem, before you leave me forever.

As you read these wretched words
praise your spin of the Gospel truth
in ways to help neither Iraqis nor Kurds,
but to further shine the spoon that rests on Bush's tooth,
I open my heart to thee, every artery and vein,
yet you block love's arrow like Claudio Reyna -
can't you see your absence is my very bane,
oh, won't you ever love me, sweet sweet Dana?

In today’s press briefing, a reporter asked White House Press Secretary Dana Perino about the new CBO estimate on the skyrocketing deficit. Perino didn’t have much of an answer, however, and simply replied, “Well, I don’t know how they come to all of their numbers at CBO. It’s a little bit — math is not my strong suit.”
Oh, Dana, this proves that we were made for each other!

How my soul doth sing once again!

Come closer, feel the thunderous beating of my heart! A kiss, for only you can cut through the lies - those terrible lies that once brought naught but acid rain upon your flaxen hair - and make the sun shine again!
I hardly think that the study is worth spending time on. It is so flawed, in terms of taking anything into context or including — they only looked at members of the administration, rather than looking at members of Congress or people around the world.

Because, as you’ll remember, we were part of a broad coalition of countries that deposed the dictator based on a collective understanding of the intelligence.
Yes, Oh God Yes! Others have lied too, so it's not that bad! You're all lying liars!

Oh, Dana, how clear everything is now, all the filth that you cleaned out of every corner of my being when you put on your galoshes and waded through the septic tank of democracy and cracked those fuzzy, freedom-loving little bunnies on their skulls!


Candace said...

Nice posey, Randal!

How these people can stand there and say such things with a straight face is beyond me. And how the press can sit there and take this, this dictation, is even worse. At the very least, there should be a laugh track.

Anonymous said...

I think she played with that Barbie doll whose voice said, "math is hard."

Dean Wormer said...

She is hot but dumber than a post.

Plus her politics = yechhhhh!

Dean Wormer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Ellen said...

Randal--That was beautifully written. So much better than what I would have said..."You ignoramus, Dana! It's not math that's hard for you, it's human empathy, you mother fucking bitch!"

You are so much better at this than I. Sigh....

Frederick said...

I hates bunnies!

Randal Graves said...

Candace, aw shit, now I wish I had a laugh track available for posts!

Colleen, now let's all relax with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream! No, wait, that was Malibu Stacy.

dean wormer, she's certainly easy on the eyes, but few things are a bigger turn off than "why yes, I'm a Republican." Shudder.

ME, you must practice grasshopper. And let a little love into your heart. Don't be so fucking angry. Peace, mon fucking amie.

frederick, terrorist sympathizer! Wait, if it's the freedom-hating kind, then your hate should be cleared by DHS.

Christopher said...

Tinkerbell really is an idiot.

Liberality said...

hi, stopped in to check out your blog. very nice. And by the way, Dana is just playing the stereotypical dumb blonde when she claims she can't understand the math.

Tom Harper said...

It's that there fuzzy math again. Big words and big numbers -- them libruls are trying to confuse the Murcan people.

Who Hijacked Our Country

Randal Graves said...

Christopher, I wonder how much longer she'll last before quitting to make the talking hairpiece circuit with Ari and Tony, or have a book ghostwritten like Scottie.

liberality, thanks for stopping by and given the ridiculousness of our press corps, quite a few probably buy into that stereotype without too much trouble.

Tom Harper, numbers are facts, and facts have a liberal bias, therefore, numbers support turrists!

My Inner French Girl said...


I miss Mike McCurry. If nothing else, he made me laugh. Heck, sometimes I even miss Tony Snow.

I don't know why we fault Bush for his inability to use the English language properly. Apparently he's surrounded by people who know all too well just how to manipulate it to serve their purposes.

Although, surely Dana could do better than that?


Freida Bee said...

One really must admit that she has, like, the shittiest job known to man... well, woman.

You sure are passionate about her, Randal. I bet it's her pink woman suit that you like. That gets 'em every time.

Randal Graves said...

Marjorie, we foolishly assumed that by attending Yale, simply by hanging around others of at least average intelligence and linguistic skill, that he'd be able to speak a little bit better. That being said, seeing clips of him debating Ann Richards from 1994, he's gotten a LOT worse. Stress? Part of it. I think the dude is back on the sauce at minimum. Of course, I have no proof save every single time I hear the guy speak. ;-)

FB, I don't know, being Cheney's debugger/whipping boy is probably a bad job.

Between that kicky 'do, those sharp threads and her flawless ability to magically weave a truthy spell, what's not to love?

Dr. Zaius said...

You criticize Barack Obama for mentioning Ronald Reagan's popularity, and yet you feel perfectly comfortable professing your undying love for George W. Bush's top shill? Boy, are you mixed up. ;o)

Randal Graves said...

Sniff. I know. I have - a problem. But when she gives me that saucy look as she lies and obfuscates and inveigles, those lies for me alone, well, she's calling me to stand up and say "baby, make me write bad checks!"

Think they have a 12-stepper for this?

Distributorcap said...

if i was in the press room

Oh Dana, the people who calculate the Budget are the same ones who planned the Cuban Missile Crisis, you that crisis your boss averted....

she is a horse's ass -- only horse;s asses are smarter

Anonymous said...

RG - Methinks doth haveth a crush on the faire maiden Perino.

fairlane said...

Perino narrowly lost out to Nancy Nord in Jonestown's "You Smell Like a Douche, and You Act Like One Too" Competition.

ahab said...

I guess I could be a Republican for five, ten minutes. Twelve minutes, three minutes, whatever.