Tuesday, January 1, 2008

I got your resolution right here.

I resolve to be exactly the same as I was last year

with less hair
and in worse shape
while contemplating bifocals to better count the increasing greys
as I complain with greater frequency
before the writing of even crappier poems
after the posting of even lamer garbage
and during half-assed preparations for the end of American democracy.

Alors, buvez, buvez, mes amis!

Then take a nap. The hangover is gonna be killer.


Distributorcap said...

while contemplating bifocals to better count the increasing greys

i got both my friend....

DONT get progressive lenses --- i lasted three days and brought them back for bifocals.

Mary Ellen said...

Great resolutions! It reminds me of my husband when I used to put out a list of chores for the kids to do. He would write "take a nap" and "watch the ballgame" and put his name next to it.

I have to disagree with my good friend, dcap, I love the progressive lenses. But that's the kinda gal I am... progressive. ;-)

D said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mathman6293 said...

I make no resolutions other than I will try not to be a completely oblivious of other's needs while I continue to convert my vinyl to 0's and 1's; the Mathman way.

La Belette Rouge said...

Don't go changing. We love you just the way you are. ;-)

Looking forward to whatever you have to throw at us in 08 :)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Happy new year!

Colleen said...

There's no possible way you can stay the same through the year. Unless, of course, you are superhero. We might be reading next year that you are getting trifocals which reminds me of a comidic skit. It went something like this:

"I don't know how I could ever get used to trifocals. It would be like...look there's a book, there's a plane, there's Alpha Centauri!"

It was funny, I swear.

Dr. Zaius said...

With that degree of motivation you could become a Republican congressman! Happy New Year, Randal!

My Inner French Girl said...


As others have requested, please don't ever change. You remain an inspiration to us miserable Type A's everywhere. We need your shot of reality and snarkiness, otherwise we get too full of ourselves and explode, and that would just be gross.


Candace said...

Good strategery, Randal - set the pie lower!

Randal Graves said...

dcap, I'm just hoping I can stave off the decreasing vision for at least a few more years!

ME, you put up a list? I just yell at my kids. ;-)

mathman, you have to post a list of your albums when you're done. I might have to send you some blank CDs to burn some!

LBR, I don't plan to, unless I find buried treasure or win the lottery. Then I might smile once a month. ;-)

Colleen, and what makes you think I'm NOT a superhero? Not all of us wear tights, ya know. Don't worry, I chuckled.

Dr. Zaius, table pie just for me? You shouldn't have!

MIFG, and there's no way in hell I'm cleaning it up. You ever try to scrub brains out of carpet?

Randal Graves said...

Candace, hey, not being a leader, just following ours. ;-)

b said...

I am so fortunate to know you! Thanks for keeping it real. I am obviously all about self discovery and growth but even I make myself ill with too much of that! ;-)


Frederick said...

Sounds do-able.

The Cunning Runt said...

Screw that "Don't Change" bullshit. If you don't change pretty soon, you'll never get those things off.

Don't ask me how I know this.

DCup said...

Well, this sounds like a plan that I could be successful at, but then, I love failure. I'm soooo good at it. So I guess I'll stick to my Year of Clean Living.

Oh,BTW, MathMan has thus far achieved his goal of not being oblivious, but that's because he's been too busy catching up on blogs to digitize anything.

He'll be back to oblivious tomorrow I suspect.

Mary Ellen said...

randal- yeah...I do lists, that way it's on paper and they can't say that I didn't tell them or they didn't hear. Kids are liars, you can't trust them.

Grace Nearing said...

half-assed preparations for the end of American democracy

That's about right. The end of American democracy is bound to be a half-assed job anyway.

Just out of curiosity: what would full-assed preparations entail?

Mauigirl said...

Excellent list, Randal! Happy New Year!

Freida Bee said...

That is exactly how I was picturing you on the couch, doing your writing, drinking your wine. Uber sexy! Oooh la la la and kisses and fries and other Frenchnesses to you this new year, Randal.

Randal Graves said...

b, I'm about as fake as it gets. I'm actually a millionaire Republican spy, er, nevermind.

frederick, being a lazy, lazy man, I think it is!

TCR, but they have chemical solvents for that, right? Right?

dcup, I certainly hope so, because if too many people give a shit, the space-time continuum rips. And then we all know what happens next. Giant black holes sucking us all into oblivion, everything ripped apart at the molecular level.

ME, not my kids, no, they always do what I say. Little punk asses.

grace, I'm guessing with pants and a second can of beer.

mauigirl, thanks and to you as well!

Freida Bee, I probably look as sexy as Homer does while doing that. But I generally don't write topless. And hey, unless those fries have freedom, you just keep your tongue to yours - oh what the hell. Vive la France!

Tom Harper said...

Hey, that was my resolution too. Small world.

Who Hijacked Our Country

Becca said...

Happy New Year!

And I must say you have that resolution thing down man.