Tuesday, July 21, 2009


The above was a haphazard attempt at phonetically spelling out the sound you make when flipping your index finger over your flapper in an aural demonstration of the currently numb state of the psyche, not an imitation of the robot from Buck Rogers.


Imtalkinboutnopostmotherfucker but fits and starts of alternating bouts of ink and blank parries; DVD fishing; and pen-stabbing-paper flurries thankfully not all the way through into my leg, being the water boiling my noodle. I'm sure a bunch of other crap happened in the world but I just can't seem to care: the Indians remain submerged below Ted Williams circa 1941, the prospects of Healthcare By The Man® will continue to be watered down by billions of Tricky Dick Funbills used as bedding by Congressional closet pervs and thinned you know it will be like pre-Rogaine pasty midlife crisis-ticians don't be a doofus and Choose Your Own Adventure By The Google.

Oh, and kudos to California for trying really hard to fall into the sea without the crutch of a mamby pamby überquake.

You know, I enjoyed doing nothing for two days but avoiding my wife and kids writing and excising and wracking my brain for that one more or one less syllable to slip in, or over, a line even though I suck, but I don't have title, land, pantaloons or barrels of guineas to fund shoving food and drink down my gullet or undertake a Grand Tour through Kentucky, Tennessee and Arkansas. Anyone wanna send me some scratch? You'd only spend it on booze then hookers then Jesus, anyway.

Yeah, I hate coming back to work, too, but at least now I've got something to think about.


Christopher said...

Hookers and rent boys.

The GOP gets it for free. Just ask those scalawags living at 113 C St. SE, Washington DC.

Ostensibly, they're studyin' the Bible and getting fixed. But rumor has it that townhouse is nuttin' more than an animal house for the Congress.

Those Christian conservatives are freaks, I tell ya.' Freaks!

Dean Wormer said...

I was gonna say something about California but to be honest the picture of Twiki and Arnold Drummond sent me daydreaming about Erin Gray in a blue spandex jumpsuit and... what were we talking about again?

Dusty said...

Oh, and kudos to California for trying really hard to fall into the sea without the crutch of a mamby pamby überquake. ~ Look dude..I live in Cali, and although it sucks ass to live inland..I really don't want waterfront property at this point in my life as most of my family lives in Sandy Eggo. ;p

sunshine said...

I heard that the "Make A Wish Foundation" in the States declined a donation.
Apparently a bunch of young women decided to do some fund raising. A bikini car wash!
Make a Wish stated that they didn't want to accept money that was raised in such a way.
Apparently someone on top has a feminist bend.
Which is sad because apparently one of the kids wishes was to to to a bikini car wash! (yes, yes, I know.. that was awful.)

Not sure where I was going with this. Ah yes... I believe I was just giving you something new to ponder...
Have a lovely day Randal babes!

sunshine said...

*go to a bikini car wash* not "to to a bikini car wash"...
I really must proof read!

Übermilf said...

You really should have a pair of pantaloons. Maybe if you got a job at one of those Brazilian steakhouses, they'd give you a pair. Do you look good in stripes?

Randal Graves said...

christopher, given some of the shenanigans in the OT, it's certainly plausible that they're studying. And where does one try out learned theories? In the field, of course.

dean, we were talking about the glory that was catsuited Erin Grey, praise Jeebus.

dusty, tell them to move inland. Just think of all the beachfront property you'll own! Of course, being a California resident, you won't have any money and/or services.

sunshine, don't worry, I bumble and stumble when thinking of bikini car washes, too.

übermilf, I look good in everything. No, wait, I look good in nothing. I always get those two confused. But I'll wear striped pantaloons if it'll get me free steak.

La Belette Rouge said...

I live in California and I wish it would fall of into the sea.

okjimm said...

Bikini Car Washes? I got one better..... local strip-club is having nude car washes.... I heard they really, really get your windows clean.

Maybe Cleveland libraries can do that to raise money for books? Do you look go in a g-string, buddy?

Beach Bum said...

You'd only spend it on booze then hookers then Jesus, anyway.

Shit, the last local church I went to in the fascist little suburban town I live in the preacher made more than some of the doctors that attended. He was also screwing several of the married women attending his church. So I need all my money for online porn and just a little for cheap booze.

Freida Bee, MD said...

I know the real meaning behind that title.

Is this an audition for the church treasurer's position?

Tom Harper said...

Ya, Ahnuld fixed the budget in Kaleefonia. Schools, libraries? Nein! Education iss fur girlymen!

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Did you sober up or something unthinkable? You almost are lucid in this post, and we expect better of you.



susan said...

Geez, I can't say you missed much - tales of the boys of C. St. who call themselves the Christian Mafia and practice biblical capitalism, the fact that only Kucinich has managed to keep single payer as a faint hope and that the US Air Force is planning to go all drone all the time and thus be able to recruit directly from the ranks of adolescent first person shooter x-boxers and pass on pilots. The good news is Goldman Sachs is planning to send Rogaine samples to the House members they've had by the short hairs. Don't you feel better now?

S.W. Anderson said...

Food, drink, a red states junket leading inevitably to the Six Flags Over Backwards theme park — these are the aspirations of Ann Coulter on a book tour, or some other demented drone. This is not for a man of your literary gifts, chutzpah and savior faire, Randal.

Better you should aspire to a three-day Vegas getaway. The glitz, the hedonistic milieu, the Japanese tourists, the hawkeyed grannies with right arms like Popeye's — a cornucopia of triggers for your gastric and creative juices. Gambling diversions, great buffets and the occasional free drink. What better to shake off the doldrums?

Randal Graves said...

LBR, just think, Death Valley, prime beachfront property.

okjimm, so clean, you can see the pressed ham. The idea of me in a g-string should give everyone a stroke.

BB, now see, if you go backwards, that's fine. Salvation isn't found with religion, but with adult beverages and entertainment. Amen.

FB, I figure I can hack embezzling since it's a non-violent crime, and I can easily pass for the righteous.

tom, Kaleeforneeuh, remembuh wenn I sed I keel yoo last?

I lied!

tengrain, you bastard, you'll hate today's post then, though if you hate the music, go to hell.

susan, no, but a few shots of something-or-other will fix that.

SWA, your ideas are intriguing to me and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter, but just don't expect any HST-worthy prose. Or any prose 'cause if my sometimes-better-half found me in Vegas, you know the rest. Wait, she's supposed to come along?

Liberality said...

That lady sitting there thinking looks mighty sad I reckon. That dude now he isn't sad. He would be thinkin' about the naked ladies, of course!

S.W. anderson said...

Randal, of course your sometimes-better-half should go along. I can't see you hauling heavy bags from the airport to the rent-a-dent emporium or hotel van. At least, not by yourself. :)

Besides, you would want to because you're a romantic at heart. Listen to Sinatra's "Try a Little Tenderness" a couple of times; you'll do the right thing.

Dr. Zaius said...

I actually have a toy Buck Rogers robot. He is as annoying in miniature as he is on TV!

Randal Graves said...

liberality, that's why we're always so happy!

SWA, spoken like a man who's never met my wife.

I kid, I kid, partially.

dr. zaius, given the time frame of the show, I imagine the toy takes nine D-cells?