Saturday, July 18, 2009

What the fucking fuck is this fuckery, you fucks?













Finally. Overcast, rainy, unseasonably cool (vers 55° when I left for work this morning), Mortuus' De contemplanda morte -- get cracking on the next full-length you lazy bums -- a cavernous, slow-burn maelstrom of insidious blackened misery, so appropriate for this unexpected yet wholly welcome meteorological event, rattling my ever-weakening eardrums, guiding me happily towards contemplating contemplation in a deathly morbid kind of way, layering even more appropriate-isms given my inappropriate foray into narrating blank verse myth, of which I can't even contemplate creating Wordsworthian length.

"Or quality."

Listen, he didn't have the sparkly allure of online pornography derailing his calling. Nature, au natural, same thing.

"Typical. Blame naked ladies for your shortcomings."

Chuckle. Anyway, but lo, behold the hark of the internets newsies:












Oh, that kind of fuckery.

"I was wondering when you were getting to the punchline."

Now that's deathly and morbid.

What rough beast dare transcend such limitations?















You're on your own!

What the fuck. Your pop smote a whole fuckload of goatherders on a daily basis. What's a few Fox executives, huh? Even their kids won't miss them. What do you think trust funds are for?

Just close your eyes and pretend that they're gay, potsmoking illegal aliens on the way to the annual Congressional Black Caucus abortion party. It'll be our little secret. Cronkite's dead, so relax.

28 comments:

Nunly said...

Ah yes, the dark clouds descend upon us...and the weather sucks, too.

FranIAm said...

Wow, can you watch your fucking mouth? You fucking act as if you own the fucking world with your fucking blog and your fucking thoughts and your fucking ideas.

I mean, what the fuck Randal?

OK, I am getting the fuck out of here! I had to let you know I may not say much but I am still in your fucking face.

Have a great fucking weekend.

Cloudy, too fucking bad.

You are on your own!

Bubs said...

You are an f-bomb laying mother f-bomber.

Dusty said...

Holy fuckamoly Randal..can you find a way to drop anymore f-bombs dearie?

Methinks you can. ;)

What is futurama?

Distributorcap said...

i think i need to install net nanny

Tom Harper said...

This makes me think of the South Park movie where Cartman spent several minutes just saying "fuckity fuckity fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck," or something like that.

Snave said...

YEAH! FUCK the fucking FUCKERS!!! 8-)

Randal Graves said...

nunly, the hell it does. Go to hell, hellish days of sunny hell.

fran, 'bout time you wandered over, you fucking loon.

bubs, only because it improves the circulation.

dusty, I choose to take your last comment in jest, for if it is not, then I must swear further in order to remove the hateful blockage in my veins.

dcap, you should, then all you'll be able to read will be NRO and World Nut Daily.

tom, such televised vulgarities explain well your blasphemy.

snave, do you watch the Trail Blazers with that mouth?

Dusty said...

I swear to Buddha, I have no idea wtf Futurama is.

Randal Graves said...

Oh, dusty, you bring me sorrow. Read all about it.

Dusty said...

Oh shit..it's a fucking cartoon series. Thats why I don't know wtf it is!

Thanks sweet man. ;)

sunshine said...

I used to love Futurama. Bender always made me laugh. :)
Other than the cooler weather you are having and that you are happy about it, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. ;D

((Hugs))
Laura

Christopher said...

......................./´¯/)
.....................,/¯..//
...................../..../ /
................/´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
.........\.................\/..../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
..............\..............(
...............\.............\

Translation: Fuck you.

S.W. anderson said...

Great photo at top, RG. Congrats on the cool spell.

That description of Futurama/Bender makes me long for a good Dallas rerun, but that's just me.

As for out-of-work Fox execs, a new tunnel is being planned under the Hudson. Maybe they could get work as sandhogs — a dangerous, high-wage occupation that would put them closer to where they belong. Heh.

themom said...

Oh, did I miss all the "fucks?" heehee - common staple of mine! Weehee Futurama!

Liberality said...

Dear Randall,

I see you are still doing your utmost to bring out the best in everyone. You have reduced Fran to a walking talking F word, for shame. However, be that as it may, please carry on your diabolical scheme to take over the world.

Yours most solicitously,

Lib, as is Libra, as in Librarian, as in Liberality

Utah Savage said...

Jesus H Fucking Christ! I have my own version of Deadwood going at my place. And futurama is the only show on comedy central I can't fucking stand--I run screaming across the room to turn that stupid fucking show off before it melts what's left of my fucking brain. Cartman rules. Fuck you too very much.

susan said...

Perhaps the whole lot of them could be set to work in the Mountains of Madness. I'm sure the climate would suit Fox execs and a few more.

btw: Nice work, Christopher.

Spartacus said...

Fuck. I must have fucking drank too much to follow this fucking post. Must you fucking confuse me so? You fucker!

Freida Bee, MD said...

well shit. utah said it, and since the barrier has been broken, I'll say it too. I don't like Futurama, either.

Family Guy, Southpark. Love.
Simpson's. Quite like.
Futurama, American Dad. Meh.

Oh, hey Randal, speaking of fuck. You got your post request. Thanks for playing. Hope you enjoy it. ;)

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

My parents taught me that swearing just proves that you have a poor vocabulary, and it is why I rarely ever swear.

Except when I drive - then it is full-fledged Tourettes.

Oh, and Futurama rules.

Regards,

Tengrain

Beach Bum said...

As a fan of Futurama I look forward to seeing George W. Bush's head join the ranks of fellow ex-presidents whose talking heads regularly appear on the show. But only to see what Hell Bender puts it through.

Übermilf said...

I want to win $3,000 from the Good Housekeeping short story contest.

I don't think you have any advice for me.

okjimm said...

Ya, what Libs said, " please carry on your diabolical scheme to take over the world."

Fucking-aye works for me!

Randal Graves said...

dusty, pas de problème!

sunshine, I don't either!

christopher, ha!

SWA, who shot Zoidberg!

themom, fuck!

liberality, world-taking-over sounds like too much work!

utah, fuck Cartman, go Bender!

susan, send 'em to Nyarlathotep!

FB, what fuckerie!

tengrain, I know my vocabulary fucking sucks 'bout time someone praises Futurama!

BB, if it comes back in true form, they better add Chimpy!

übermilf, I've got plenty of bad advice!

okjimm, no, no work!

Dean Wormer said...

Grrrr. I ain't watching it without the real voices.

Dr. Zaius said...

The problem with Futurama is that they don't have enough 20th century cultural references.

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

what kind of fuckery is this? See, I just KNEW you were an Amy Winehouse fan and aficionado. admit it, you make your wife wear a beehive.