Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Go ahead, Grigory, give our paymasters yet another bright idea.

Sure, the chance of America's cardboard box being patched is now a smidgen less, but with our judicious expansion of this, imagine the gobs of loot we, the unwashed masses, will scratch out via a vast network of toll booths.

Shitloads of dimes!


Cormac Brown said...

I'm sure that the copper-pipe thieves, junkies and the crackheads will apprecaite this aesthetic.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

What do you have against the arts?



Randal Graves said...

cormac, there's Cleveland's new motto: Smoke Crack In Style.

tengrain, oh sure, first everyone's simply painting and tomorrow, they're all getting gay married.

sunshine said...

That's just... stupid. A thousand bucks to put in fake windows???

Good grief!!!


puddy said...

great start. are they going to board up the homeless too?

Tom Harper said...

All right, Cleveland comes up with another innovative idea. But don't stop there. Prettying up vacant houses so they don't look vacant, that's a start. Next, all homeless people and street beggars should be required to wear expensive dignified suits. All tin cups will be replaced with briefcases.

Demeur said...

But what a missed opportunity for a community weenie roast. Those old wood houses burn real good.

Before long you'll think you live on the set of Leave it to Beaver.

okjimm said...

//He gets vacant homes to blend into the neighborhood//

Ya, well he should get to work on Vacant Minds......... ya, like Sarah Palin would blend in..... maybez we should put some plywood in HER window!

S.W. Anderson said...

Credit the judge with trying to solve a knotty problem. I have to wonder, though, about the cost effectiveness.

Granted, your drive-by vandals, vagrants and ne'er-do-well kids might not be the brightest lights on the marquee, but after discovering the plywood inserts for what they are, will soon be able to easily spot them on other vacant homes, eliminating any deterrent effect.

Maybe a better way would be to hire a security guard or two to go around to check on the vacant homes, roust squatters, pick up litter and impose some rough justice on any vandals they come across. This would help the unemployment situation. And, having a stiff or two on the front porch, walk or lawn provides Grade-A deterrence that lasts for months.

Beach Bum said...

Oh come on, the easiest and most cost effective way of dealing with crackhead, vandals, and the occasional squatter is to ring those vacant houses with claymore mines.

I assure you that if the explosive force of the C-4 doesn't kill them outright the expanding swarm of 50,000 ball bearings moving several times faster than sound will turn any survivor into salsa.

This would have the added benefit of fertilizing the lawn.

MRMacrum said...

Hmm. Only 22 buildings? Are they just working this one block at a time?

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, I know. They could have used the thousand bucks to blow up a few bankers instead.

puddy, should swap them with county government.

tom, your idea dovetails nicely into mine, inmates and asylums.

demeur, relax, we always save a few for the annual book burning.

okjimm, I can see her brain from my house!

SWA, as you point out, no solution is foolproof (though I still like the exploding banker), and I had thought about changeable window decor such as those "revolving" billboards, but they would have to be a Skunkworks special to deter the eagle-eyed copper pipe thief.

Corpses would work, too.

BB, you army types sure are angry. Perhaps you need an Appalachian hike.

mrmacrum, you think scrounging up a grand for this burg is easy?