That's no lie, but this one may be

"No, that really happened. I think, heh, heh."

Bloody hell, thank you so much everyone for allowing me to barely have to come up with a goddamn thing these last few days! Snave, the craziest character affiliated with Oregon since Bill Walton, has ordered up another heaping bowl of obfuscation to be passed around the internets. The problem with these memes o' the lie is that they show just how difficult it is for us bleeding hearts to mislead when compared to our wingnut brethren and sistren, as you will see below.

There are six separate items of bullshittery. Encased within that shining, gold and diamond-encrusted display of deception is one quotidian truth of cubic zirconia. Do you possess the eagle eyes of perception to figure out which one? Good luck!

1. When guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke departed Motörhead after the Iron Fist album, I was Lemmy's first choice as his replacement, but I broke my hand something fierce in a knock-down, drag-out three-hour bar fight - you shoulda seen the other guys! - so they nabbed ex-Thin Lizzy six-stringer Brian Robertson instead.

2. On my first trip to Paris the summer after I graduated from high school, I made out with Sophie Marceau in the Louvre.

3. I was the first alternate at strong safety for the AFC Pro Bowl squad in 1992.

4. When I was touring Europe once upon a time, sowing my wild oats, I accidentally left a notebook full of brilliant poems in the corner booth of a Dublin pub. That verse helped propel Seamus Heaney to the 1995 Nobel Prize in Literature. Needless to say, my lawsuit did not meet with success. Heaney, if you're reading this, some words of warning: our paths ever cross, I'll go Beowulf on your ass.

5. I knocked up a chick while still in my teens.

6. During the filming of Underworld, while working my night job as a second unit director, the best boy lost his grip and a boom mic crashed on the head of co-star Scott Speedman. I was immediately recruited to perform the naked love scene with vamped-up über-babe Kate Beckinsale all while Mr. Speedman lay unconscious on the studio floor. That's Hollywood, Scottie.

7. The mythical Excalibur? It's no myth. I found it. I'm just not saying where. Cast your worries aside, though, it's in good hands.

More recruits for the unstoppable army of lying liars: Becca, Mathman, Dr. Zaius.