Saturday, May 10, 2008

The Man With The Golden Gun Hair*













"My friends..."

"Um, you're talking to just me, John."

"I like baseball. Do you like bas --"

"NOW THAT'S REAL CODPIECE MATERIAL!"

"Once I went fishing on Cape Cod."

I've got nothing today, dudes and dudettes -- though it is nice being at home instead of work on a Saturday for once -- so close your eyes for a moment and think of another world. That's right, close them all away ('all' for those of you blessed or cursed with multiple eyeballs, apparently. Why didn't I simply correct that awkward phrase? Beats me.) Clear your mind of clutter and concentrate on this magical place akin to naught but childish fantasy and mysterious whimsy! A thoroughly mad, impossible, fantabulous world of the truly bizarre, one in which *gasp!* Chris Matthews is not a flesh-eating diabolic beast of primordial myth. It's hard work, your President knows.

So have fun this weekend with the woefully inadequate Mad Lib below. No peeking, you bastards! The effort that busts the most guts in comments gets a prize: bragging rights!

What, you thought there would be hard cash involved? Capitalist pigs.

1. noun: a place, adjective, noun, verb: past participle, noun, adjective, famous television idiot.
2. adjective, noun, verb, adjective, noun.
3. adjective, noun, noun.
4. adverb, verb, unconventional occupation.
5. another famous television idiot, adjective, noun, adverb, adjective, noun.
6. vulgarity, adverb, verb, adjective, noun, adjective, noun, adjective.
7. adjective, noun: disarmingly weird locale, noun: plural, adjective, noun: plural.



I said no peeking!



I fucking mean it!



Do I not look Very Serious?



If you scroll down I'll stick a stamp to your ass and mail you to The Undisclosed Location. You really want to be Cheney's next meal?



That's right. Scroll back up like good little boys and girls.



1. One fine, sunny beltway day, Tweety was going to ____noun: a place____ to have his ____adjective____ ____noun____ ____verb: past participle____. On the way, he met his ____noun____, the ____adjective____ bag of gas, ____famous television idiot_____. Tweety was surprised.

2. "Wow, you ____adjective____ ____noun____, I didn't expect to see you ____verb____ your ____adjective____ ____noun____ this early!"

3. "You know the old saying, 'The ____adjective____ ____noun____ catches the ____noun____.'"

4. "Something catches what? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking of The Straight Talk Express ____adverb____ ____verb____. What a colossus of ____unconventional occupation____!"

5. "Shhh! ____another famous television idiot____ might hear you! Do you want that ____adjective____ ____noun____ ____adverb____ blabbing to you-know-who about your ____adjective____ ____noun____ fetish?"

6. "Oh, relax. Don't be such an elitist ____vulgarity____. I'll just ____adverb____ ____verb____ this ____adjective____ ____noun____ until their ____adjective____ ____noun____ disappears like evidence of my ____adjective____ man crushes on vile bastards."

7. And Tweety said goodbye, whistling a ____adjective____ tune as he headed back to his ____noun: disarmingly weird locale____ with his stack of ____noun: plural____ and his ____adjective____ ____noun: plural____ to spend the day reminiscing about John Sidney McCain.

*yes, I realize that it's now red. Blame Ian Fleming for not being proactive.

9 comments:

The Blogger Formerly Known as DCup said...

What??? Too thinky for a Saturday afternoon! (she whined, taking another swig of her vodka tonic).

Mary Ellen said...

Ok, I was honest and I didn't peek. Here goes...

1) Cellular Field, steaming, hot dog, kneeled, beer, shining, Keith Olbermann.

2) greasy, hairpiece, sitting, lazy, sausage.

3)picking, nose, boogers.

4)Fondly, dancing, prison guard.

5)Rush Limbaugh, asinine, toilet, obnoxiously, golden, ass.

6)Fucking, reluctantly, pushing, huge, pocket, empty.

7) pink, spider, janitor's closet, vibrators, sleek, condoms.


1. noun: a place, adjective, noun, verb: past participle, noun, adjective, famous television idiot.
2. adjective, noun, verb, adjective, noun.
3. adjective, noun, noun.
4. adverb, verb, unconventional occupation.
5. another famous television idiot, adjective, noun, adverb, adjective, noun.
6. vulgarity, adverb, verb, adjective, noun, adjective, noun, adjective.
7. adjective, noun: disarmingly weird locale, noun: plural, adjective, noun: plural.


That was too much like homework. Don't you have any good porn to look at today?

Mary Ellen said...

Ok, I looked and must have misunderstood what or how many words you wanted. This didn't make sense. What the hell is wrong with you giving me something I had to think about? I couldn't even remember what a freakin' past participle was for gosh sakes.

I'm going back to my Saturday afternoon stash. Hummmph!

Freida Bee said...

Were you too lazy to do your workbook on your own today?

6. cunt, abrubtly, screw, leftover, watermelon, pet, dog, repeated

Utah Savage said...

Christ, it will be four P.M. before I have enough coffee in my system to try this again. Then I'll just go to Mary Ellen's comments and say ditto, what Mary Ellen said. In the meantime, I'm going to warm up my vaporizer.

b said...

I too promise that I did not look. My personal favorite is #3!!! :)

1. Paris, cloudy, hot dog, lost, donkey, lovely, Kelso (that 70s show)

2. sweet, book, reading, frustrating, shoe

3. sleepy, sex, Jack Daniels

4. gently, snoring, zamboni driver

5. Screech (Saved by the Bell), sly, beer, quizzically, curious, stapler

6. Mother Fucker, kindly, listen, intelligent, blog, tall, telephone, appealing

7. disturbing, clown factory, dictionaries, dark, erasers

Anita said...

That's exhausting. I think. No. Seriously.

I think I missed out on the Madlibs part of childhood. I was very unpopular. Not "unpopular" in that people didn't like me. But "unpopular" in that I was terribly shy and nobody knew I was there. Thus, not enough slumber parties and the like to make me a serious madlibber.

Now I'm feeling inadequate again.

Thanks bunches for that randal.

;)

La Belette Rouge said...

Mad libs and Mad lids! Chris Matthews and Jon McCain and baseball hats. Really, I wish he would take up windsurfing and that way we could be sure McCain would lose the election.

Randal Graves said...

(0)(0), hey, where's that dinky symbol that you're using? Anyway, as long as I contributed to more drinking, mad lib or not, my job is done!

ME, heh heh, I wasn't sure anyone would actually do this. And porn? What kind of blog do you think this is? A past participle is a participle that you pick up after using your time machine. Didn't you see Back to the Future?

FB, um, when am I NOT lazy?

Heh, heh, now that's funny.

utah, apparently this is another request for some porn. I sure hope the internets has some.

b, appealing man crushes on vile bastards? I'm not sure this mad lib thing was a good idea!

anita, oh hell, so was I, but that was the joy of mad libs for us iconoclastic types, the occasional laugh in between crafting plans for the destruction of our enemies.

I think the inadequacy stems from the fact that you realize, in the presence of great men such as John Sidney McCain, that your express isn't as straight talking as hope it could be. Someday. Sniff.

LBR, I sympathize, but I doubt that'll work. Hell, a hetero hummer gave the vapors to the beltway bunch but we have family values fuckers diddling with the underage or indulging in uncommon fetishes and nothing happens. I'm telling you, eating a live baby, that's our only hope.