"Um, you're talking to just me, John."
"I like baseball. Do you like bas --"
"NOW THAT'S REAL CODPIECE MATERIAL!"
"Once I went fishing on Cape Cod."
I've got nothing today, dudes and dudettes -- though it is nice being at home instead of work on a Saturday for once -- so close your eyes for a moment and think of another world. That's right, close them all away ('all' for those of you blessed or cursed with multiple eyeballs, apparently. Why didn't I simply correct that awkward phrase? Beats me.) Clear your mind of clutter and concentrate on this magical place akin to naught but childish fantasy and mysterious whimsy! A thoroughly mad, impossible, fantabulous world of the truly bizarre, one in which *gasp!* Chris Matthews is not a flesh-eating diabolic beast of primordial myth. It's hard work, your President knows.
So have fun this weekend with the woefully inadequate Mad Lib below. No peeking, you bastards! The effort that busts the most guts in comments gets a prize: bragging rights!
What, you thought there would be hard cash involved? Capitalist pigs.
1. noun: a place, adjective, noun, verb: past participle, noun, adjective, famous television idiot.
2. adjective, noun, verb, adjective, noun.
3. adjective, noun, noun.
4. adverb, verb, unconventional occupation.
5. another famous television idiot, adjective, noun, adverb, adjective, noun.
6. vulgarity, adverb, verb, adjective, noun, adjective, noun, adjective.
7. adjective, noun: disarmingly weird locale, noun: plural, adjective, noun: plural.
I said no peeking!
I fucking mean it!
Do I not look Very Serious?
If you scroll down I'll stick a stamp to your ass and mail you to The Undisclosed Location. You really want to be Cheney's next meal?
That's right. Scroll back up like good little boys and girls.
1. One fine, sunny beltway day, Tweety was going to ____noun: a place____ to have his ____adjective____ ____noun____ ____verb: past participle____. On the way, he met his ____noun____, the ____adjective____ bag of gas, ____famous television idiot_____. Tweety was surprised.
2. "Wow, you ____adjective____ ____noun____, I didn't expect to see you ____verb____ your ____adjective____ ____noun____ this early!"
3. "You know the old saying, 'The ____adjective____ ____noun____ catches the ____noun____.'"
4. "Something catches what? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking of The Straight Talk Express ____adverb____ ____verb____. What a colossus of ____unconventional occupation____!"
5. "Shhh! ____another famous television idiot____ might hear you! Do you want that ____adjective____ ____noun____ ____adverb____ blabbing to you-know-who about your ____adjective____ ____noun____ fetish?"
6. "Oh, relax. Don't be such an elitist ____vulgarity____. I'll just ____adverb____ ____verb____ this ____adjective____ ____noun____ until their ____adjective____ ____noun____ disappears like evidence of my ____adjective____ man crushes on vile bastards."
7. And Tweety said goodbye, whistling a ____adjective____ tune as he headed back to his ____noun: disarmingly weird locale____ with his stack of ____noun: plural____ and his ____adjective____ ____noun: plural____ to spend the day reminiscing about John Sidney McCain.
*yes, I realize that it's now red. Blame Ian Fleming for not being proactive.