Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Monkey Business

You think Baron von Butcher and his evil minions of CHUMP are bad? Just wait until the not-so-evil minions of Mother Nature smuggle this technology out into the wild:

Two monkeys with tiny sensors in their brains have learned to control a prosthetic arm with only their thoughts, using it to reach for and grab food and even to adjust for the size and stickiness of morsels when necessary, scientists reported Wednesday.
We are so fucked.

"Yes, you are."


Unconventional Conventionist said...

Zaius and Monkerstein must be behind this. J'Accuse!

Bradda said...

Don't let Dr. Z see this for the love of God!!

Freida Bee said...

I just hope that one day a TV will read my thoughts and display the appropriateprogramming before I am even aware of what I want to watch. That would be technology put to good use!

Mary Ellen said...

Holy shit! Where did you get the picture of my husband!?! I always liked him in that jacket, it goes well with his hairy knuckles.

The real question about this research is...could George Bush work the mechanical arms? I have the feeling they would have to adjust the thing a little bit to pick up the weak brain waves.

okjimm said...

Shit&Bisquits....if it can work for apes, it should be able to work for McCain!

Randal Graves said...

UC and bradda, he's probably behind it! Never trust a primate!

FB, now that would be sweet. "I do want to watch America's Next Top Geek Extreme House Trading Makeover Space? Okay, you're the boss!

ME, are you kidding? He gets stumped watching Barney.

I shave my hairy knuckles. Secret to my suave success.

okjimm, in theory, but have we actually figured out just what kind of creature McCain truly is? Sure, he can pass for human, and we know his wife is a robot, but the man himself? A mystery!

okjimm said...

Gees, McCain isn't so bad, for a dead guy. He certainly has more going for him than say, Harold Stassen.

Nah, I think Harold would make a better president.

John looks sooooo much like Lon Chaney in the Mummy.

Nah, all kidding aside, I do wish Mr. McCain well. A very deep well.

Utah Savage said...

Can you call a robot a cunt? Isn't that what John calls Cindy of the glazed over eyes?

Anonymous said...

Yes, we are.

Now off to listen to Guitarzan

Let's hear it for the monkey!

Shut up, baby, I'm trying to sing


pissed off patricia said...

Juat a little too much monkey business for me. Enough is enough.

Shit and biscuits? Never heard that one before.

okjimm said...

Ok. In deference to Mr. Graves, I attempted to watch a hockey game last night.... I lasted three minutes. It seemed like a lotta guys skating around.

Then I watched "So You Think You Can Dance" on Fox. For two minutes. It seemed like more talking than dancing.

Then I thought that maybe there should be a new TV show,
"American Hockey Dancing Idols" ....or maybe, "So You Think You Can Play Hockey"

....Gees, Randal, I really tried....honestly; I devoted three minutes of my life to hockey last night..... then went to the pub and devoted the next hour to beer.

Hockey vs Beer ? Beer wins.

okjimm said...

Oh, POP.... //Shit and biscuits? Never heard that one before.//

We obviously do not patronize the same fine dining establishments.

S and B is my favorite at 'Pedro and Juan's Armenian Cafe'.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, he's clearly, at worst, a magically animated corpse, so a little respect, please!

utah, of course you can. Hey! John! You're a cunt!

hill, I hope The Streak isn't next. I'd really hate to affiliate that with old Republican dudes!

POP, we've certainly had enough of these monkeys. Peter Tork would've made a better president.

okjimm, you Americans and your beer. Pshaw!

And hell with that place. You should try Crazy Vaclav's Uzbek Buffet. The boiled dissident is delicious!

DivaJood said...

Is the chimp a neo-conservative running for President? Because if monkeys can move a prosthetic arm with their brains, I know who's been running the country the last eight years.

Randal Graves said...

Lancelot Link is no neocon! At least I hope not, for my youthful remembrances would be shattered into so many tiny pieces.

Dean Wormer said...

What I get from this is that even George W. Bush could control a robotic arm with his brain.

that about it?

Tom Harper said...

The monkey in the White House is already able to move whole armies into sovereign nations. He isn't doing it with his brain since he doesn't have one, but he's doing it somehow.

Randal Graves said...

dean, I'm sure someone in the administration can, but do you really think it's Bush himself? That would be quite an evolutionary leap for him.

tom, I'm starting to wonder if Cheney is simply doing everything while they let Chimpy play some Civilization. "I'm an emperor!"

Dusty said...

Wait a minute..they spend money on that shit but can't find a cure for cancer?

Something is rotten in Denmark and it isn't the Big Dick Cheney's upper lip.

Anonymous said...

The NYT story left out the part about how the monkies took complete control of the mechanical arm and beat them to death. One of them was heard to say "get your hands off me you damn, dirty humans!"