Saturday, May 3, 2008

[insert own clever, basketball-related title]



Yes, my brain is currently in the frying pan. No, not because of that, but because of this. At least it's not a math paper. Shudder. Anyway, here's another batch of poorly-predicted, hoops-related guesses. Hey, as Smooth Jimmy Apollo says, when you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time. (For the record, I am currently 6-1, anxiously awaiting the outcome of the woefully underachieving Celtics. Forget all about my hockey predictions. Go Habs!)











"Jeez, what's taking you guys so long?"

Oh, and Boston, you with the 66-16 record and league-best point differential? Thanks for fucking up the timely posting of my picks. I'd like to assume that you'll win at home tomorrow, but you know what they say when you assume. It makes a Republican out of you and me. The ungodly 37-45 juggernaut should fall by your hand, but just in case:

IF Boston doesn't succumb to the greatest upset in NBA playoff history, Boston vs. Cleveland: Well, I did say it would be ug-lee. Celtics, you guys indeed look to be prime candidates for the grave or a few lines in the DSM-IV. Your most dangerous weapon, your defense, got picked apart by rookie Al Horford and Zaza Pachulia while getting matched on the boards by the Joshes. Oh, yeah, you're real scary. I'd like to see Wally World duplicate his game six exploits before he makes me a believer, but if the goddamn Hawks -- they were, and I cannot emphasize this enough, thirty-seven and forty-five! -- can beat you, what chance does an equally average team with the crucial difference of having the best player in league carry? Cavs in six.

Yes, before you move to pick your jaw up off the floor, I'm fully aware of the bizarre, almost supernatural sight of a Cleveland sports fan showing any confidence whatsoever. You don't think it's giving me a case of deathly, the-end-of-the-world-is-nigh fright, as well?

IF the Boston giant gets slain by the pawns missing a king, queen, both bishops and a knight, Cleveland vs. Atlanta: 'bout time that goddamn city feels some sporting pain. Could this have been set up any better? Getting to play the undoubted worst team in the playoffs with a potential matchup against another team who, regardless of their public yammerings, would rather have played the Celtics? You're not going to see a repeat of the 1981 Western conference or the Sonics in 1987. The sub-.500 team goes down like they should. Cavs in five.

Detroit vs. Orlando: Hell if I know which Detroit team will show up. Yes, their collective tooth is a bit long, but they've added some young guys who actually contribute a few quality minutes here and there. Neither Rasheed, McDyess nor Jason Maxiell can handle 20/20 guy Dwight Howard -- Dwight, please, get a Mean Streak®. You'll be able to win series nearly all by yourself if you do, thereby joining the pantheon of all time great pivotmen -- and experience is overrated. Just ask Dallas. But, Motor City has home court and, well, see the first sentence of this paragraph. I'd dearly love to pick Orlando, but Pistons in seven.

L.A. Lakers vs. Utah: Kobe, enjoy your lifetime achievement award as you get blistered in the paint. Carlos The Traitor is due to break out and as someone lit an inferno under Mehmet Okur's shoes -- even AK-47 is a valued member of Mormon society once again -- Utah has the superior starting five. For the Lakers, going up against such a tough squad with Pau Gasol instead of without is triple-word score groovy, but Utah is the better team, period. Jazz in six.

New Orleans vs. San Antonio: The feel-good story of the season versus Old (Cowboy) Hat. The Spurs do have the most powerful triumvirate on paper since Caesar, Crassus and Pompey -- okay, Cream kicked a bunch of ass, too -- but the Hornets proved beyond a shadow of my doubt that they are quite the legitimate title contender. For one more series at least, the Ben Gay savvy of role players such as Kurt Thomas, Bruce Bowen and Robert Horry prove to be the edge. Spurs in six.

27 comments:

Scarlet W. Blue said...

This is a lot of basketball stuff, right? I'm going to the next post.... ;)

Suzi Riot said...

Mmmmm... that fried egg is making me hungry. I think I'll go eat breakfast.

Oh, and um.... go basketball! (If it's not NCAA, I don't care)

Randal Graves said...

swb, I hope that's not a not-so-subtle hint to come up with something more interesting!

suzi, watch out for that cholesterol!
NCAA over the NBA? Blasphemy!

F.O.T. said...

I don't like basketball, but I LOVE math. I mean shit, I studied it in college and I'd do it again....*sticks out tongue*

TomCat said...

Are they still at it? Come Football season!! :-)

okjimm said...

Basketball!!!! The NBA is just a bunch of thyroid cases running up and down a big closet in front of people so stupid the pay hundreds of dollars to support the thyroid cases penchant for doing drugs, buying gold chains, and hanging out in strip clubs in the off season. Pfffft.....watching poker on tv is more exciting! Watching paint dry is more exciting! And I betcha a case of cheap macaroni and cheese that none of them speak French or listen to Vivaldi!! Gimmee football or gimmee a lawn chair in the backyard!! Ya, what Tomcat said...when does the NBA season end, anyways!!!! July 4th?

But, nevermind. the fried egg was nice and I still think you are a good boy&all. :) Gotta go see if SWB as figgered out what to do with Butterscotch feet. Maybe if she adds ice cream and crushed pecans.....? Have a good saturday!
This time I will get my name in there and not be anon again!!

Randal Graves said...

fot, you are mighty insane. And then it turns out you prefer math over basketball.

tomcat, don't worry, it'll be here soon enough. :)

okjimm, now it's common knowledge that football is the greatest of all sports, but you can't honestly rag on professional hoops while ignoring all the lunacy in the NFL! I think you've have seventeen-too-many beers this afternoon, the reintroduction of foot fetish commentary only confirms my suspicion. So please, put down the beer and pick up a shotglass instead.

okjimm said...

ohhhh....good insight. Tequila, anyone? Love dem limes. No scurvy this guy!

F.O.T. said...

Have you noticed that all movie depict mathematicians as crazy and insane? I wonder why that is?

okjimm said...

Gees, FOT, 'cause most of them are fucking nuts. It is merely art imitating life. Of course Randal is not crazy or insane......he merely watches Hockey&NBA Basketball.

//when you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time//

See, spoken as a true mathematician! My ex-wife says that I am right 15% of the time and wrong 99% of the time. She is a social worker. A field where nothing makes sense, less, adds up.

Freida Bee said...

Now you have just gone too far, Mr Graves. A link to my blog within the context of a sports post. You're trying to make me read about sports, arent't you?

(Thanks, and a kiss.)

Utah Savage said...

Randal I have missed you and just when I'm feeling good enough for a visit what do I get but basketball? I do not give a shit about basketball, but I do love your delightful comments every where I go visiting. And as F.O.T so beautifully puts it, ...mathematicians are always portrayed as insane in movies... for a very good reason I bet. I didn't quote her exactly, old age and craziness make the quoting thingy harder than it used to be.

Distributorcap said...

isnt the season over yet?

TomCat said...

Tomorrow would NOT be soon enough!

Anonymous said...

Redwings over the Globetrotters in 12 games.

Spartacus said...

Guess it will be Cavs/Celts after all.

susan said...

I gave up after the fried egg.
How do you feel about poached?
Hard boiled?
Scrambled?
I'm a dipper :-) and I don't care who knows.

La Belette Rouge said...

Once basket ball is over are we going to move onto baseball? And, can I get some bacon with those eggs? Toast dry and a small OJ.

Dean Wormer said...

Boy you really STUFFED that post.

(I got nuthin')

PoliShifter said...

Sorry man, I don't watch basketball anymore...

okjimm said...

Every time I check your egg, I wanna order some hash browns and a side of whole wheat toast.

I think the next post should feature bisquits and gravy.

Or....'French' Toast. I dunno, some Victor Hugo or Dumas.

Maybe.

F.O.T. said...

freedom toast

okjimm said...

Freedom Toast!! I will toast that freedom....

The one deep in the hearts of men and women that allows all free hearts to reach deep into our pockets of promise of a better tomorrow.....

....and reach a collective realization that the only better tomorrow is the one we make together.....

....Gees, I think this post was about basketball.

Oh, well. Pass the jelly, we got da toast.

okjimm said...

I think Freedom Toast is a three-pointer at the buzzer for da game winner!

Good shot, FOT!

Utah Savage said...

What the hell man, it isn't just your brain that's on vacation. I keep having to roll through all this basketball crap to get to the interesting part, which, at this long moment, is your comments thread. Come on, give us something.

susan said...

Does it count I used to enjoy the Celtics and the Lakers? Is there any meaning in the fact my husband attended UCLA at the same time as Kareem and one day found himself standing in his shade at a bus stop? Will you ever return or have you tripped on your droopy shorts and now lie in traction in a hospital room without wifi?

Randal Graves said...

fot, because they are?

okjimm, I like that new math. I'm going to start using that when I pay my bills. "You say I owe you $500 but it's actually only $200 by my calculations."

FB, did it work?

utah savage, that's the dangerous thrill of visiting here, there might be something vaguely artistic or political or there might be....
The Post From 20,000 Sports Arenas!

I would wager that most scienticians - or most anyone concentrating on one specific field - would by definition have to be a bit nutty. I applaud their expertise, but man, there's too much groovy stuff out there to be a mere specialist in anything, you know?

dcap, just a few more months!

tomcat, hey man, I read that!

anon, thanks for stopping by fairlane or imitation fairlane. Check out my not-at-all-anticipated hockey preview on Thursday! No, everyone, come back, it's the last sports post this week, I promise!

spartacus, I think I'm back to my 'Cleveland-can't-win' phase, though.

susan, you chew eggs? Okay, that wasn't all that funny, but I'm trying, dammit!

LBR, oh sure, I can post about the Indians being near the bottom of the league in many offensive categories. Are you bringing the Jack?

dean, don't feel bad, I've had to resort to posting unavailable YouTubes.

poli, blasphemy!

okjimm, that's not a bad idea, I've never done a food post. But I can tell you it won't be about any goddamn escargot. Fucking lunatic French.

utah savage, I've got nothing, I swear! I tried out that new thing all the kids are doing, vegging at home. It was quite the experience.

susan, of course that counts, that was some classic hoops. I don't wear droopy shorts, but neither are they old-school ABA hot pants. If I show that much sexy, I'll get arrested.