Thursday, May 29, 2008

Two great tastes that taste great together*

What to write, what to write. Hmm.

Dear Penthouse. I can't tell that story. It's made up. It's too risqué.

It was a dark and stormy night. Nor that one. Dozing heads can severely damage delicate keyboards and I don't want to be held responsible.

There once was a man from Nantucket. Nope, no more poems this week.

Wait. That noise.

Ouch! My cochlea!

What the hell is that hideous cacophony?












RANDAL!






Yes, media?

Did you hear what McCain said?

"My friends, I never liked Rev. Hagee!"

Did you hear what Hillary said?

"Assassinate the superdelegates and their puppies!"

Did you hear what Obama said?

"I liberated Auschwitz! By myself!"

Did you hear Scotty wrote a book?

"I'm a repentant whore! For only $27.95!"

Did you hear what Bush said?

"Of course we never used proper gander! No follow-ups? Good!"

Did you hear we didn't do our jobs?

"We couldn't have done them any better!"

MAKE IT STOP ALREADY.

I've got nothing today -- and I mean zero -- were not yesterday's posts obvious precursors? Writing more crappy verse sure does sap the marrow from the bones -- I didn't waste my day off doing some extended family BBQ shindig, horror of boredom-inducing horrors -- and I'm not posting on some fucking political shit -- the above does not count -- so here are two videos of widely disparate musical styles, completely unrelated save for the fact that my multifaceted weirdness digs them both. This blog certainly isn't big enough to say 'open thread' -- isn't that what all comments sections are anyway, as if there was some iron-clad Law of the Tubes® carved in electrons demanding that we always stay on topic? I'm not going to go all police state unless you present yourself in the manner of a goddamn tool, like going off topic -- why do I fragment my sentences so much or run them on as if they were signed up for a cybernetic marathon? -- why is Leon getting larger? -- but if you don't say something, I'll merely end up talking to myself.

Or post on professional sports. And I know you don't want that. Right, Randal?

That's right, Randal. (No, I'm not drunk. Shut up.)



Satyricon, Fuel for Hatred




David Oistrakh and Co. playing the first movement of Bach's violin concerto in A minor

*title and concept deviously lifted (and maliciously altered) from the inscrutable and groovetastic Freida Bee. [Can a person or object be inscrutable and groovetastic? According to the OED, inscrutable means:

1. That cannot be searched into or found out by searching; impenetrable or unfathomable to investigation; quite unintelligible, entirely mysterious.

2. Rarely of things physical, as an abyss: Impenetrable, unfathomable.

Thus, if an entity is entirely mysterious, unknowable, how can they be labeled groovetastic? Mustn't we have provable facts and/or concrete experiences in order to quantify using our personal scale of groove? Since the entity we're talking about is a physical being, a fellow blogger, this could satisfy the criterion, no? On the other hand, the concept 'mysterious' in and of itself could be considered by certain parties to be groovetastic if one has an affinity for such abstract sentiments, bypassing the possible need for a physical object, provable facts and/or concrete experiences altogether. This is more than a simple either/or proposition and requires further study. Perhaps I can get a government grant. "No, Senator, I'm looking for more efficient ways to blow people up."]

36 comments:

DivaJood said...

I think you can get Scott McClellan's book on eBay for less.

Je ne regrette rien said...

damn you diva - you beat me to the Mclellan reference. grrrr. but anyway, RG how the hell can you have nothin' today what with Scotty's new book and pasty mug plastered all over the boob tube? c'mon, there's gold in them thar hills.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

Wait a damn minute. From the title I thought this post would be about peanutbutter and chocolate, NOT inscrutable hairpieces and unfathomable books and such.

Yeah, I pretty much got nothin' too.

F.O.T. said...

Um yeah, I don't know what this is "about". I got stuck looking at the swirling cloud picture. Gad, I'm easily entertained.

Oh and FYI: the white on black makes my eyes wonky so I read this:

"proposition and requires further study"

like this:

"prostitution requires further study"

Randal Graves said...

diva, oh probably, I just pulled that number out of my ass. I'm sure it would make good toilet paper, in that extra sandy, Soviet kind of way.

JNRR, but I would have to write about him. I already know he's a traitorous hack!

UC, my friend, I have no idea what this post is about. But it has some height on the screen, so it gives the illusion of thought. Until one reads it, at any rate.

FOT, I don't either. That is a cool picture. I was looking for an evil-looking black hole like in that 70s flick, but this one has flair.

Don't blame my artistic choices, that's just residue from your recent string of vulgarity-themed posts. I'm innocent.

Mary Ellen said...

Perhaps I can get a government grant. "No, Senator, I'm looking for more efficient ways to blow people up."]

Larry Craig got a government grant to study more efficient ways to blow people. Doing it in a public bathroom was a bad idea, though.

For a post that started out "I've got nothing today -- and I mean zero ", this is sure a long post. And the only thing I could reply with is a mention of a bj. Sorry...it's all I have today.

Freida Bee said...

Now, if you got such a grant, dear, do you think your study would elucidate that which had previously been a mystery, thereby nullifying said research? I'd like to think it would more likely reaffirm your assertion of groovetasticity, but what kind of housewife log would that be? (Is that the title you're going to steal next? ;)

Just get a plane ticket, give me the grant money and see if f.o.t. didn't just read that right.

And, I shall call you now on your pseudoclaims of nothingness in a post. I am still in awe of how ya'll get those words to look like they're crossed out. Therein lies the true mystery. Give me your secret, and I shall give you mine. (Hurry though before you see I give them out for free anyway.)

F.O.T. said...

Do you know how LONG I held back the vulgar posts? A freakin' long time! It was bound to come out eventually. Lord help us all. Budget Travel dissed me...

FYI: FreidaBee is right....

okjimm said...

Wait a minute and stuff....First this is a post about nothing....and then FOT wants to study prostituion....but can't read the white on black print, so ME is gonna bring up BJ's...but UC wants a government grant to talk about peanut butter and chocolate....and "I'm looking for more efficient ways to blow people ."

Well Bless my Stars&Bars!!! I either need more coffee or less coffee, more or less; perhaps just suffering from and ineffective hangover.

groovetasticity? Is that like being able to strech one's groove?

F.O.T. said...

//groovetasticity? Is that like being able to strech one's groove?//

No OKJIMM, it's like french fried freedom toast.

Freida Bee said...

FYI: FreidaBee is right....

f.o.t.- Can I quote you on that..., now and for all time? ;)

okjimm said...

French E. Fried Toes?

DivaJood said...

Je ne regrette rien, you have to get up pretty early in the morning or something.

F.O.T. said...

FreidaBee,
Of course you can...that is, if you can divide by zero. Then again, the last time I tried this this happened: http://halshop.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/phpw9jvl0pm.jpg

Randal Graves said...

ME, some would say that's all you need. But not me.
Apply for that grant. "I'm from the government and I'm
here to help!"

FB, if that were the case, would one ever into
investigative research knowing that success would
nullify previously cherished mysteries?

Um, half the money. I can't let you have all
the fun!

If you are giving them out for free, why wouldn't I
just wait? Oh yeah, impatience. In HTML mode, type less than sign, the word strike, greater than sign, your text, less than sign, backslash, the word strike, greater than sign. Voilà !

As for the housewife posting, I do have a
bunch of vacation I have to use up. Perhaps there will
be a househusband log in the future. ;-)

FOT, see what happens when you try to pass yourself
off as classy and urbane? You can't hide the truth
forever!

okjimm, I think the comments here prove that you all
are a bunch of fucking perverts.

FOT, but the French suppress freedom. Now you've left
me confabulated with your contrapuntal logic. And if you know that that's the end result of dividing by zero, can you divide by zero at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave? Please?

FB, you should put that in the header of your blog!

F.O.T. said...

Freida Bee can Divide by Zero!

Dean Wormer said...

The real question is "what do you have against family barbeques?"

In my case I found my cousin delicious. But you have to use the right pepper rub first.

Tom Harper said...

Nice contrast between the 2 videos. They both rocked. Too many people only like 1 kind of music and hate everything else.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

I do believe I've been misinterpereted. What I want is an unfathomable grant about impenetrable peanutbutter. That chocolate thing is just gratuitous.

But if the BJs and Bach are free, sign me up.

okjimm said...

AHA! The mystery thickens on the post about much-ado-about nothing!

Colonel Unconvential is tracking Unfathomable Grant (whoza that, anyways) has absconded with the imperturbable peanut butter and the gratuitous chocolate.....

Meanwhile Professor Plum in the ballroom with the candlestick.

Bach is giving free BJs and FOT is dividing Freida by zero....by golly!

Gees, where's Scarlet?

And the Dean is rubbing his cousin the wrong way with Pepper spray!

Wowsers&Stuff! Whatta Post Randal....this izza gotta everything ...cool

Betty C. said...

That was one of the first proper concerti (PL.?) I played. It's rather despressing to think how I must have massacred it compared to Oistrakh!

DCup said...

Phew! I belong here!

I'm on an XM Pop Classics (as in long haired music for the great unwashed masses that we belong to) kick. I'm driving along with Cupcake yesterday and we took in some delightful Telemann, Bach, Mozart....when all the sudden she says to me "Can we take a break of this?" And what did she want to listen to?

Radio Disney.

Bwahahahahahahahaha! Never!!!!!!!

I love being the meanest mom in the world.

kreplech said...

ahhh.... Satyricon. Yes, now i understand the title of your blog ;)

C.J. said...

Well, that's quite a post for someone who has nothing to say ;-).

Randal Graves said...

dean, but even such a delicious flavor can't mask the stringiness. Picking tendons and ligaments out from between your teeth is difficult!

tom, I'm with you on that. I'm not saying everyone should go spend their stimulus check on Behemoth and Darkthrone, but every mood has it's musical equivalent, and sometimes you need a piece to be extra evil. ;-)

UC, we truly had to misunderestimate your intentions. If the peanut butter is impenetrable, how can we make sandwiches? Won't the jelly be all by its lonesome?

You might have uttered the first sentence in the history of the English language that contains the concepts of hummers and Bach. Shouldn't there be a prize for that?

okjimm, this really has morphed into some bizarre, incoherent work of bad pop art. Anyone else, feel free to add in your own theories on the hidden meanings of this post! But I promise, it has nothing to do with the Holy Grail.

betty, I've never heard you play, but don't you think you're being a tad unfair comparing yourself to one of the finest violinists ever? ;-) Some of us can't play a note!

dcap, Radio Disney? You were well within the bounds of righteousness to punish them so. I love playing the classical station when the kids are in the car.

"This is old man music."
"You're always telling me that I'm old. I'm finally agreeing with you."

kreplech, I'm all about happy fun candy and whimsy! ;-)

CJ, I really should rephrase that: I have nothing important to say. ;-)

Dusty said...

Wow wee, I can't hang with this crowd. Much too much intelligentsia for moi.

But I do enjoy many kinds of music..from Bach to Black Sabbath and all bands in between. I despise country music however.

okjimm said...

//has morphed into some bizarre, incoherent work of bad pop art.//

gees, morphing, bizarre, incoherent, bad pop art.... golly sounds pretty darn good to me!!

-personal scale of groove-

yes, Randal, on a groove scale of 1-10 I think you are coming in at 11 or 12. groovetastic.

"I've got nothing today"

pfffft... your nothing is worth much more than most people's something and a far better anything than the 'simple either/or propositions' I've run into lately.

I just hope you do not run out of nothings.

Mary Ellen said...


pfffft... your nothing is worth much more than most people's something and a far better anything than the 'simple either/or propositions' I've run into lately.

I just hope you do not run out of nothings.


holy shit, okjimm--you're doing some major sucking up, here. You don't want the randal to get a big head and start charging us admission to come to his blog, do ya? ;-)

Dusty said...

I hope not Mary Ellen...today was my first visit here..

so knock it off Okjimm ;p

Unconventional Conventionist said...

[Sigh.] Even in an alleged bad art thread I am still mis-interpreted.

Yes I agree, jelly is loathesome! Never, ever, should peanutbutter be sublimated. Ask Zaius.

And I did not utter such a "first" type of sentence Randal. You are obviously unaware of Bach's Two Part Hummer Inventions. Bach made them. They show them on cable ALL the time. The Three Part Inventions, starring Anna Magdalena, are only available on pay-per-view after midnight, but you knew THOSE I'm already I'm sure. Bastard.

I'll quit defending myself. Self-representation only weakens my case.

Unconventional Conventionist said...

[Sigh.] Even in an alleged bad art thread I am still mis-interpreted.

Yes I agree, jelly is loathesome! Never, ever, should peanutbutter be sublimated. Ask Zaius.

And I did not utter such a "first" type of sentence Randal. You are obviously unaware of Bach's Two Part Hummer Inventions. Bach made them. They show them on cable ALL the time. The Three Part Inventions, starring Anna Magdalena, are only available on pay-per-view after midnight, but you knew THOSE I'm already I'm sure. Bastard.

I'll quit defending myself. Self-representation only weakens my case.

Utah Savage said...

This is all very interesting no doubt, but Randal, can you teach me how to do that, say something, then cross it out to say nothing, so interestingly? Just the line through part will do. This seems so dada. Less surreal than surreal, more dada than dada. And don't you mock your poetry by calling it verse. You insult us all for adoring your poetry, motherfucker. I'm sick of you always mocking me, I mean yourself. Oh god, I projecting again, aren't I?

Scarlet W. Blue said...

You've got more than I do. I've got nothing.

Randal Graves said...

dusty, some of us aren't that smart, we just play smart on the internets. Others that are hang around because our dumbassery makes them feel better about the pain caused by $5/gallon gas.

You hate country music, too? Woo!

UC, so one can say "is that a songbook in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"What kind of sandwich is this! Please pass the partita!"

Good call on the defensive posturing. Why do you think everything on my blog is a lie?

utah, scroll back up and look for my comment to Freida Bee for a poor explanation. All we hear is, internet dada, internet doo doo.

I think I'm going to get rid of all my poetry books. If there's no more Byron and Baudelaire and Shelley and Ronsard to check out, my stuff suddenly looks good enough to be mediocre!

Projecting is okay, as long as it's not vomit. Look what happened to that priest in The Exorcist. Hell of a cleaning bill I imagine.

SWB, find a video, ramble on aimlessly after a few mugs of your favorite fermented beverage, and post. It doesn't have to make a lick of sense.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, keep on heaping the praise for...

ME, you have a wonderful idea! Gas is fucking expensive, send me your money! ;-)

Je ne regrette rien said...

just thought I'd mention that cacophony is a lovely word. yep yep.