Sunday, May 11, 2008

You can't bury the past like you can a corpse

You know, I'm supposed to be on vacation for a good part of the upcoming week, but getting frozen by tagging is a risk we take when we instigate electrification of our computational machinery. At least it happened before the Official Slack® begins. Thus, for your edification/whimsy/boredom, I humbly answer the following questions. I hope these frostbitten digits don't hinder my world-renowned typing skills too much.

Ten years ago, what were you doing?

"Come on Randal, let's blow this popsicle stand."

The same thing I'm doing now in terms of parenting, husbandry, employment and entertainment, except I watch The X-Files on DVD instead of over broadcast television. Yeah, baby, I sure do get around.

Five things on today's tomorrow's 'to-do' list:

Since I'm off (did I mention that I will not be at work? Muahahahaha, etc) enjoying the quiet while the kids are at school only if my neo-redneck neighbor actually goes to his job that I assume he might have thereby preventing him from working on his junky, shit-ass cars, read, write, listen to tunes, vegetate.

If I were a billionaire, I would:

Buy a billion things at the dollar store. (no, I'd probably do some 'good,' but how sexy an answer is that, though I'm sure there will be some sex involved. Of course with my wife. And Gillian Anderson. No, not at the same time. Unless they're both okay with it, which they would be, right?)

Three bad habits I have:

If I told you, I'd have to kill you. Or throw up all over your shirt.

Five places I've lived:

Cleveland, Akron, Columbus, my head, my other head.

Five jobs I've had:

Salaried sex worker, state employee, federal employee, fortune teller, hot dog cart operator.

Fellow suckers travelers:

The Flying Nunly, La Belette Rouge, b. I can't recall who has and hasn't been tagged by this, so feel free to tag yourself. Just keep it down to a small roar, okay? I'm trying to relax.


Freida Bee said...

You simply must write a post reflecting back on your hot dog cart operator days, i.e. last week.

Muahahahahaha, etc. simply must be credited to you when future generations are text messaging their homework into school and what nots.

okjimm said...

Wowsers....taking Holiday? Lemmee give you a vacation gift. I was hanging out with my brother-in-law, Uncle Billy, the journalist and he shared this story from his part of beautiful downtown Wisconsington.....

"Corpse left in home for months"
"Body left on toilet as others prayed for her"

(really wowsers)

Gees, It just goes to show you....relatives are wonderfull.

(ʘ)(ʘ) said...

Makes one wonder. Does a salaried sex worker have a 401k as opposed to those hourly sex workers who play the lotto for their retirement savings?

I should certainly hope so!

Mary Ellen said...

Salaried sex worker? You get paid for that? Shit, all this time I've been givin' it away for free.

You sold hot dogs? Isn't that cruelty to animals?

Ok..I'm tagged, which is good because then I'll have something to write about tomorrow.

Enjoy your vacation. If your red-neck neighbor is working on his cars and making a bunch of noise, walk around the house naked with you shades open and flash the guy a few times. He'll either go back in his house and hide...or he'll come over and beat the crap out of you. Better lock the doors just in case.


susan said...

Let's see.. salaried sex worker, nasty habits, kids away, frozen digits, several heads, possibility of vacation fun with wife and Gillian Anderson. I'd say it just might work. As ME said, best to keep the door locked. Muahahaha!

Vacances heureuses!

Frederick said...

Both the x-files and Beavis and Butthead bring back the taste of Ramen noodles to mind. Ten years ago was forever.

pissed off patricia said...

I thought if I tagged myself I would go blind or fur would grow on my palms. No, not me. Not gonna do it, even for you.

b said...

How do I get one of those hot dog cart gigs? :) I'll be sure to post my responses sooner than I did the last time you tagged me... I PROMISE!!!

Enjoy your time off. I expect some more poetry to be posted as a result of this vacay! I know, I know... so demanding.

Dean Wormer said...

Dude, you're Ron Jeremy in real life?


F.O.T. said...

Ok, you had me at the frozen dude and Scully...shit even the Monopoly man. But please, for all the is good and holy, keep the hedgehog out. Icky icky poo poo. I have to wash my eyes.

Tom Harper said...

"Buy a billion things at the Dollar Store" LOL. That reminds me of this folk song I once heard (I don't remember who it was or the name of the song) where he talked about going to McDonald's and ordering a billion hamburgers so he could watch them change the sign.

Utah Savage said...

I'm calling you on this one. Sex workers are not, ever, salaried. They/we/ whoever are contract labor, which is really the shits--no bennies at all and you don't even get workman's comp when you lose you mind.

Anita said...

you clearly need to take a trip out of state. broaden your horizons, dude. maybe ron jeremy will put you up for the weekend at his pad in LA.

Randal Graves said...

FB, whoever said I was a hot dog cart operator? The truth may not be in here. As for crediting me, do you really think that kids will text words of more than three letters? Or do they? I honestly don't know.

okjimm, hell with being brought back to life as a decrepit, 90-year old walking wrinkle, let me be reincarnated!

(0)(0), that's an excellent question, but since I have no money in my bank account, I suspect it's the latter.

ME, what can I say, my fabulous looks have opened so many things to me. And if you believe that, I have some of my billion dollar store items to sell you.

The only thing I'd like to do to my redneck neighbor is something very legal according to the Bush administration.

susan, as long as no corpses end up on my toilet!

frederick, it's cliché as hell to say, but ten years really is a long ass time, for anyone. It's not a joyful or depressing thought, just different.

POP, the hair thing is a myth. Believe me, I know. And that's okay. Someday I'll get you to do a tag. It's good to have goals.

b, perhaps, perhaps not. I have to keep some sort of mysterious air, no?

More poetry? I can't be putting up a new one each week, too much pressure!

dean, oh no, I'm much uglier than Ron.

fot, how dare you cast aspersions at such an important cultural icon!

tom, heh heh, I wonder if we could get Buffet or Gates to do that.

utah, oh hell, this post is so full of lies. And a few truths, but just boring stuff.

anita, and leave my kids here to destroy the place? And before you say "take them with you" that doesn't sound like a vacation but like another day at home!

La Belette Rouge said...

There is something really disturbing about a picture of Ron Jermey and then talk of a hot dog cart. You know how to make a girl feel all queasy.

Thanks for the tag! I am up for a meme as I am drawing a bit of blank of what the heck to write about. So, thanks for that. Oh, and, have a great vacation. Hope you and X-files girl have a great time.

Swinebread said...

now I know why you speak French

Mauigirl said...

Great way to do a meme. And I loved the X-Files too...aren't they doing another movie?

Mauigirl said...

Oh, and have a great vacation!

Angie said...

Hey, Fox and I were hagning out in the car next to Scully's. Didn't knwot that was you Randal. Coincidences... Then, I met my husband and broke it off with Fox. We watch the X-Files on DVD these days too.