Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Rope-a-dope












"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Give me five bees for a quarter,' you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh, yeah -- the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

31 comments:

pissed off patricia said...

The older version of the beauty contestant who when asked a question, answered with the phrase, "and such as" over and over.

I know there are a lot of 70 year olds who are sharp as a tack, but McCain isn't one of them. If he were, he wouldn't need crutches like Lieberman and Graham around him all the time.

Dr. Zaius said...

Hmm... Putting onions on your belt to look fashionable would seem to be a considerable waste of onions. I'm just saying...

DCup said...

I'm really looking forward to a stepped amount of fear mongering as springs blossoms into summer and then summer fades into autumn.

I'm just going to use fear of terrorism as my excuse for never leaving the house and mixing with the masses. I figure by the end of the election cycle "high gas prices" will be such a hackneyed excuse for hermitism that I won't be able to use it anymore.

Randal Graves said...

POP, he certainly does give older folks a bad name. Then again, all those punk ass kids down the street give all the other punk ass kids a bad name. Damn whipper snappers.

I fear becoming McCain if I manage hit 70. Minus the warmongering and the trophy wife.

dr. zaius, it's obvious that you don't understand fashion. It's about looking, and smelling, good!

dcup, I think you're onto something about the effectiveness of 'higher gas prices' fading as the months roll on. Sure, Al-Qaeda under the car seat shall remain omnipresent, but even that's lost a bit of its luster.

Dammit, I don't want to interact with people! Come on, Bush, start nuking!

okjimm said...

I am, to a perverse extent, looking forward to the summer campaign. I do believe the old WhiteHead will being saying some incredibly stupid things in the months to come.

I could use the laughs.

Je ne regrette rien said...

if the stories don't work, there's always the rage fallback ... that'll distract em for awhile. I can't wait till he snaps and calls us all a bunch of stupid c*nts, (as such as his lovely wife).

b said...

Rope-a-dope?! The title with photo took me a few minutes to dry my eyes over!! You, my friend, are my go-to source on all things political. I mean, really, where else can I get such truth in the form of laughter?! :)

La Belette Rouge said...

It is so good to laugh out loud until your stomach hurts. Onions on the belt. Bumblebees on a nickels. I am still laughing.:-D

F.O.T. said...

"I can look like Jim Carrey in Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events if I go like this..."

Dean Wormer said...

Why, the whole town knows you've been giving money to Violet Bick.

(Btw- I now have my kids trained that every time they see McCain on the teevee they shout "pancake!" It's a McCain joke from fark.)

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, he will certainly say many ridiculous things. I just hope it'll be enough to sink his campaign. Relying on the Dems to do so is a sucker's bet.

JNRR, I'm wondering if that won't be Obama's best debate tactic: piss McCain off just enough so he blows his stack.

b and LBR, don't thank me, thank the writers of The Simpsons. I'm not this funny!

FOT, didn't see it, so you lost me.

dean, heh heh. Pancakes are much more vital to our national wellbeing than John Sidney.

Mary Ellen said...

I like the idea of having an old geezer for President. It will make me feel young. Besides, the Dems in the House could pull some fun tricks on him when he falls asleep during briefings. You know..putting his hand in a glass of warm water, or putting shaving cream in his hand when he's sleeping and then tickle his nose with a feather. Or...how about some crank calls on the red telephone in his office?

It will be fun! Where's you're sense of adventure?

PoliShifter said...

Looks to me like he is just trying to make it to the toilet in time..

Bradda said...

"That story reminds me of the time in 19 ought 7, we had to use ought because the kaiser stole the word for zero."

Freida Bee said...

Mr. McCain- It was supposed to be garlic. You did not ward off the vampires with the onion on the belt. You done been sucked dry as cardboard.

okjimm said...

Maybe old John is just trying to squeeze out a deep thought. Or some other shit. Ex-Lax, John, Ex-Lax.

okjimm said...

Ya, freida....but I think some one told him that onions on the belt keep gay guys away.

Utah Savage said...

I think the old warrior should re-up. He can ward off Al Qaeda on the Iran border with his onion.

I know, I said I wouldn't blog for a day or week or so, but Scott McClellend is going to really be fun to write about during the upcoming general election, garllic, or onions or just rage. It's going to be fun.

Randal Graves said...

ME, my sense of adventure stops right before global thermonuclear war. Didn't you see Wargames?

poli, heh heh, yeah, he does!

bradda, "too much pie, that's your problem!"

FB, can Arizona, sun-dried cardboard be sucked even more dry?

okjimm, perhaps he did NOT make it to the bathroom in time!

Randal Graves said...

utah, do onions hate Islam? Or does Islam hate onions? Why you do you hate onions? Jihadist!

Just remember, only write when you feel like writing. Otherwise you'll have to resort like I do to scouring the tubes for stupid pictures and music videos. Then your blog will suck as much as mine!

Mary Ellen said...

No, didn't see wargames, but I was old enough to remember the Cuban Crisis, albeit I was just a squirt--the fear on my parents face was something you don't forget.

I'm not so sure that McCain will cause a nuclear holocaust, though. I also remember people saying the same thing about Reagan. He was old, and he will bring us to war. I don't recall any nuclear missiles going off at that time. He really fucked up the Air Controller's, though. We still haven't recovered from that...keep waiting for a jumbo jet to land in my livingroom one day.

Randal Graves said...

I was being facetious, albeit mildly. Nuclear annihilation is bad for business; can't make any loot if everyone is an irradiated pile of ash. But the man loves his war, and anything that'll keep the bucks rolling into big oil and defense contractors is extra keen to John Sidney. Plus all that manufactured fear will drive people to drink more, which means even more scratch for his robot companion.

Liberality said...

He's doing his imitation of Popeye the Sailor Man right?

Mary Ellen said...

randal- wait...I could use McCain as an excuse to drink? My kids will be pleased because usually I use them as my excuse.

I guess I should hold on to my oil stocks then, right? Just in case....

Randal Graves said...

liberality, oh shit, I never even thought of that. You might be right!

ME, go right ahead, that's what I do. Make a game out of it. He says 'my friends,' do a shot.

I would. You'll be living large in no time, then you can throw giant bashes and we're all coming over to trash your place.

susan said...

Not watching teevee does have a number of advantages but even so I got the idea right away. Sharp, huh? That was very funny.. comedic brevity wins out again.

btw: Never mind watch Lemony Snicket - you really would enjoy reading them. Sunny Baudelaire became one of our all-time literary heroines.

Randal Graves said...

Hey, if it has a Baudelaire in it, can't be all bad!

DivaJood said...

Okay, so what happened to the damn shoe? Did he get the heel or what? Such as?

As for using Lieberman as a crutch, this is akin to the blind leading the blind. Joe is far from sharp. Shit, listen to him long enough and Ambien is out of business.

Randal Graves said...

The unanswerable mysteries of the cosmos!

You're right. That's one thing that doesn't get pointed out often enough; Holy Joe isn't a very captivating public speaker.

kreplech said...

Slow down! The sidewalks for regular walking, not your fancy walking!

DivaJood said...

Hand jive, hand jive
Doin that crazy hand jive