Friday, August 14, 2009

Bach to basics















So, basking in the glow of misguided hubris -- is it good practice to start a piece with so? Perhaps we should ask the authority on grandiose opening statements -- I had decided to try my hand at some narrative verse, a retelling of the Irish myth of Clíodhna (it sounds more epic than the piece of future kindling actually is, trust me). Why that one? Well, for starters, there aren't six point oh two two times ten to the twenty-third versions of it, like there are of more culturally ubiquitous ones, I'm looking at you, Tithonus, you old bastard. Be happy the Hussein X Death Panel didn't Doc Brown its way back to ancient Athens.

"Um --"

As if immortality would be an obstacle to the

Awesome Power of Made In The USA.

Kneel before Zod!


Ending the first digression, for there will surely be a few more, thus, my subconscious is freer from worry about living up to the works of real poets of talent. For seconds, I'm quite classic (ed. note: boring as plain white toast) in my poetic taste which leads to the final 1/3, that there's a love & loss angle, and I'm pretty much a one-track pen (ed. note: monotonous) when it comes to that maddening crap, not counting unseen, pro-booze doggerel scribbled in the margins.

Anyway --

"Another stellar segue, genius."

Merci. After a few hundred amazingly poor lines, I'm at the point where I'm introducing, from one version of the myth, three brightly-colored birds -- the breath of black bird/black sun alchemy inconsistently tinting notwithstanding. Feeling even more hubristastic, I thought to myself, what a horrible world. Then I thought to myself, hey, three birds, three voices, subject and answers taking the form of hues both primary and secondary, let's make some pretend contrapuntal stanzas. Sadly, delusional theory is always more clever than practical application. Guess how many discarded jellybeans are in the jar, Waldo? Hey, where are you? Carmen Sandiego is not to be trusted! Those awful faux lime green ones are the extra poor efforts.

Oh well, back to uninterrupted blank verse.

Please, no jokes about the content being blank, as if I'm not already painfully aware. At least I have a jar full of jellybeans to ease the misery. And to show what a stand-up comic I am, in lieu of subjecting you to reading the fucking thing, such as it so far is, here's someone who's actually skilled at shooting fugues out of a canon.

20 comments:

Christopher said...

It was said jellybeans were Saint Reagan's favorite food.

Jellybeans and mommy's Monkey Salad, whatever the hell it is. Do you really think witchcraft Nancy ever cooked up anything for the old fool?

Dr. Zaius said...

Jellybeans? I'll have some!

Übermilf said...

I like the use of "anyway" as a segue.

sunshine said...

Randal .. Babes. I only got 3 hours of sleep in last night. Now I have a headache! (J.K's, J.K's) ;D
The Bach is good. I actually listened to it twice. I wish I had a cushy job sitting beside water playing music. No kids around. Looks like paradise to me!

Pic's of my new "cracker fro" (thanks for the proper hair terminology btw) are up. :)
You're about to see how friggin funny I am! and cute. ;)
((Hugs))
Laura

Randal Graves said...

christopher, what? That tool? Waiter, remove these jellybeans and bring me some veggies, some ketchup.

dr.zaius, do jellybeans come in chocolate cake?

übermilf, I'm glad someone around here does.

sunshine, that would be a nice job, but first I'd have to steal someone's musical ability.

Are you really going to be Robert Smith's backup?

La Belette Rouge said...

Hubris looks good on you. You know, hubris is the new black.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, hubris only lasts until the product rolls off the assembly line.

Really, no one laughed at my fugue/canon joke?

Holte Ender said...

Listening to Bach, whilst reading your post, it all made perfect sense, the music that is.

Christopher said...

Randal, I'm still waiting for witchcraft Nancy to reimburse the U.S. Treasury for all the $5,000 per session readings with San Francisco psychic Joan Quigley.

Maybe after she dies we can sue the Reagan estate??? These are, after all, difficult economic times.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I hope the next time you decide to turn your blog into a masturbatorium, you give us fair warning first.

Christopher, it was Monkey Puzzle Bread - and no monkeys were hurt in making it, certainly not!

Regards,

Tengrain

Dusty said...

In other news..football season has commenced and my favorite NFL team signed Michael fucking Vick.

Sigh...

sunshine said...

The Cure needs me dammit!! I think that the sunglasses were a nice touch.. non?
My new profile picture perhaps??

I was actually thinking that if I put on a silly hat, stuck a butt in my mouth I could easily pass for Slash from Guns N Roses.....

Christopher said...

Tengrain, Monkey Puzzle Bread?

FOFLMAO! OK, I'm more confused than usual!

Beach Bum said...

Feeling even more hubristastic, I thought to myself, what a horrible world.

I felt the same way three hours ago then I found the tequila and the margarita mix.

Dusty said...

Beach Bum..I am consuming a couple of Cosmos! ;)

Happy Friday everyone..or if that's impossible. Tomorrow starts the weekend.

Tom Harper said...

I can go Holte even one better: reading your post with Bach playing on YouTube, AND having the TV on with the sound turned off.

susan said...

Now I can go to bed with a smile on my face after enjoying the image of Bach shooting fugues out of a cannon. Of course, the joint I just smoked and my favorite black jellybeans helped too :-)

One thing we can thank Ronnie for is that the quality of jellybeans improved during his term even though nothing else did.

Randal Graves said...

holte, Bach's so good, it makes one forget all the crap they just experienced.

christopher, well, there you go again.

tengrain, you bastard, how about knocking next time, huh?

dusty, well, these ARE the dog days of August.

sunshine, you should definitely use the fro shot. But get a Slash tophat first!

BB, but that's only temporary until after a few glasses.

tom, at least I'm less deceptive than the doofus talking head brigade, at any rate.

susan, that's a good point. The 80s were indeed the birth of Jelly Bellys, no? Must've been all that weed Ronnie smoked.

MRMacrum said...

Uninterrupted blank verse? Filling in blanks is overrated anyway. It's more fun to stare at them. Words are just a distraction. Usually just poorly conceived reactions to electricity funneling through clogged powerlines. What starts out powerfully pushing 220 usually trickles out a wimpy 110.

Freida Bee, MD said...

I was gonna say that hubristastic was my new favorite word, but then Tengrain just had to bring up my olde (See how I put that e on there in honour of the artificial antiquity of this here post?) favourite word, masturbatorium. I knew there was a reason I liked it over here.