Saturday, August 22, 2009

Check My Brain

High quality! Hi-Fidelity! Hi-C! Oh yeah!

"Who in their right mind would want to check your brain?"

You mean, who in their right mind would want to check you?

"La la la la."

That's what I/you thought. Anyway, scienticians, deranged serial killers, zombies. Preferably the latter, 'cause then you'd finally shut the hell up and I could get some sleep.

Self-titled vocalizing merged with Degradation Trip-style riffing, man, I cannot wait for this album as much as you all cannot wait for this post to end, but since I'm a jerk, it ain't over 'til the new guy sings and unlike that wuss Beck -- some patriot you are, sniff, sob -- I refuse to take a forced vacation, unless I or my brain tells me to.

Go on and cut that sucker up, exotic Hawaiian, I support your independence 100%. Shocked at my nonchalant acceptance of such a blasphemous mortal sin, are you, filthy hippies? Don't be, for once they're out of the union, that'll finally disqualify Hussein X -- ah, Pretzeldent Biden, good times -- and, even more important, no more hearing about the greatness of Spam. Oh, don't worry about having to buy new flags, Texas can count for two. Or we can simply occupy Canada or Mexico.

"Aside from the Alice, that was quite possibly your worst post ever."



Holte Ender said...

It was so good I listened twice.

Übermilf said...

I want to be the State of Übermilf.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

"Aside from the Alice, that was quite possibly your worst post ever."

Don't underestimate youself.



PS - Don't you have any Carpenters?

sunshine said...

Simply occupy Canada???
Should I begin building my bomb shelter?
I vote to just let Ubermilf have her own State.
I think you just want our Socialized Health Care.....

Cheech started snarling when I hit play on the "Alice In Chains". Don't you have any Ricky Martin? Cheech loves Ricky Martin!!


Anonymous said...

Excuse me, I think my seeing eye dog led me in here by mistake. Is this the Farmer's market? I smell something vaguely unfamiliar here. Snifffffffffffffff...pheeeeeuuuuie...Yeah, as tengrain said, don't underestimate your abilities here Randal.

Randal Graves said...

holte, I had my expected worries, though not to the extent of most, but this is gonna be a rockin' album, kids.

übermilf, I can't wait to see the tourist brochures.

tengrain, you're right. I can do much worse.

Carpenters? My house is made of brick.

sunshine, I did have some Ricky Martin playing once, but thankfully I woke up from that nightmare.

Of course I want socialized medicine because then I can drain the system via hypochondria. Take that, slick oil men!

sherry, everyone's open-handed compliments are most welcome, I assure you. Don't make me post Manilow again.

Utah Savage said...

I'm here because I'm loyal. That's about it.

Now I have to go work on my prize winning horror story. Wish me luck you bastard. If you win and I don't I'll come looking for you and not for an autograph.

susan said...

Maybe they could just change the meaning of the 50 stars by having an annual contest to commemorate the 50 biggest assholes in the country. There are some who'd win every year.

Randal Graves said...

utah, you do realize that your loyalty gains you nothing.

I have a decent story idea, the problem is going to be writing 4000 words that don't suck.

susan, which is why I can't endorse your idea. So many can't but win every year, not giving other assholes a chance.

Beach Bum said...

Or we can simply occupy Canada or Mexico.

We can skip them and go straight for the Bahamas. Last time I was in Nassau I saw far more drunk American college students than actual locals.

Tom Harper said...

Loved Alice In Chains. I may have to do what Holte did and play it again.

Mauigirl said...

Randall, my brain is still reeling from your stream of consciousness. You make some good points here!

Demeur said...

Will all republicans please report to Texas. The shuttlecraft are there waiting to transport you to the mother ship.

Moxie said...

I do not like Demeur's suggestion. I couldn't possibly find room in my schedule for that much biting.

S.W. Anderson said...

OK, Randal, it wasn't a good post, it wasn't a bad post. But it was a post. :)

Dr. Zaius said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, Randal! You've done far worse. ;o)

La Belette Rouge said...

I disagree with your internal/external critic. I remember some sports post that were much worse.;-) Isn't football season on the horizon? It will make me wish for heavy metal music to accompany my head banging.

Randal Graves said...

BB, can we deport the drunk Murkan college students to Death Valley?

tom, play it for your neighbors, family members, Tom Delay.

mauigirl, I made points? That'd be a first!

demeur, Marshall Applewhite knew he forgot someone!

moxie, you could always subcontract out.

SWA, even nondescript posts are useful. Once you have enough of them, you can build a fence!

dr.zaius, that's very true!

LBR, I can't wait until football season. Nothing but sports and death metal for you all. Muahahahahaha!

thatgirl said...

I actually sat in my car and listened to that song at 7am this morning when it came on the radio. I felt like I was 15 again in the best way hearing those harmonies again.