Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Strange Days

When the wheelie bus smells not like stale urine and smokes but blueberries and cream oatmeal, you know you're in for strange days. I'd like to investigate further -- I have a working theory about the cause being the rotting corpse of Wilford Brimley, for do not healthy oats run through his veins? -- but I'm afraid it would be an unnecessary distraction in my quest to reform health care. That doesn't mean I'm in favor of you spying on me, because I'll be damned if I'm held liable for your death via boredomitis.

Incidentally, if you've noticed a sudden proliferation in YouTubes chez Randal, you're not blind. No, they haven't been surreptitiously procreating in the backseat -- at least I haven't noticed any condom wrappers and even electrons practice safe sex -- I'm simply preoccupied with offline writerly endeavors and since my brain cannot multitask, well, witness the numbing coma suffered by this dump.

Well, back to holding the hands of newly-minted freshman. Apparently, computers mutate into flesh-eating monsters when used for something other than OMG!NOOB!LOL!teenageMySpace fucking.

If only the world would get off my lawn.


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

No matter what book they ask for in the library, send them to Thomas Friedman's The World is Flat, Hot, and Crowded. You will be blissfully unmolested for the duration of their stay in your fine institution.



Holte Ender said...

The tears of a Freshman are so upsetting.

Utah Savage said...

Strange how the Youtube keeps multiplying at my place. I'm spending way too much time playing twitteratti, claiming I'm looking for an Agent. Ha! In the search for an agent, I'm wasting a lot of time being part of the rabble.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, there's something very wrong with your premise. See if you can guess what it is.

holte, oh no, the tears of a freshman are like ambrosia. When they come back to bother me, then it's upsetting.

utah, do you twitterati have fancy cocktail parties with expensive stogies and cheap suits?

Mary Ellen said...

OMG!NOOB!LOL! Are you kidding me with this YouTube?? I'm mean really...OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry, I just had to do it)


If only the world would get off my lawn.

I think I read about a guy who shot a kid for walking on his lawn. Was that you?

Tom Harper said...

What, you're saying that YouTubes don't surreptitiously procreate in the backseat? But, but then how do they get on people's blogs?

Great selection BTW. Strange Days is my favorite Doors album by far.

Übermilf said...

Did someone say Ambrosia?

sunshine said...

You've made my day! I love "The Doors"! I was listening to the radio the other day and a song of theirs came on and I was so happy. "Peace Frog". One of my fav's.

I hope that your offline writing is going well. :)

Right now, I feel like the world is on my lawn too.... sigh.


Beach Bum said...

Offline writing? I just got air conditioning again and hoping my wife mutates back into a human after the temperatures come down.

Mauigirl said...

I would love it if the world would get off my lawn too. But it refuses.

MRMacrum said...

The World is not on your lawn. We are on it's lawn. And from what I can tell, it would appreciate it if we'd all take the bus and not come back. But then that's just probably a pinko fairytale to scare the red white and blue out of us.

I know Ma Nature likes me. She sends me butterflies and hummingbirds on sunny mornings. My neighbor sends his dog to shit on my lawn. And he claims to like me. Seems he hasn't caught me pissing on his pumpkins yet.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal: "I'm simply preoccupied with offline writerly endeavors and . . ."

News item: "Cleveland (AP) — Graffiti is making an unwelcome comeback following several years of steady decline, according to local authorities.

The latest rash of scribblings is typically concerned with extreme forms of rock music, macabre ancient literature and sports. There are also vile ruminations about bus commuting. These dark musings are often laden with profanity and punctuated with French words and expressions.

As city workers scrubbed city hall's first three floors to remove a graffiti extravaganza perpetrated over the weekend, the mayor vowed to reporters this culprit, once brought to justice, will be made to spend years cleaning the seats and floors of city buses with his or her tongue. . . ."

Uh oh!

Randal Graves said...

nunly, a shooting? C'mon. Guns and bullets cost money better spent on tunes.

tom, I might have to agree with you. What a tremendously wonderful album.

übermilf, what did I ever to do you? Seriously, that was cruel.

sunshine, you should build a giant wall, especially since it'll come in handy for the inevitable Murkan invasion.

BB, normally I would laugh at such a situation, schadenfreude yay! and all that but I feel your pain.

mauigirl, have you thought about training Baxter to be an attack cat?

mrmacrum, ma nature is one groovy chick, it's some of her offspring that need to experience dog shit.

SWA, I knew it, you're the producer behind those scared straight shorts they showed us growing up!

Dr. Zaius said...

"Even electrons"? You mean as opposed to odd electrons? What about fraction electrons?

Randal Graves said...

Fraction electrons aren't even citizens! Build that firewall! Build that firewall!