Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dear Mr. Fantasy Graves:

A personal invite to me, your friend? Of course I would love to be part of your fantasy football league! A dream come true! I should email you right now so that I may receive the League ID# and password and begin preparations to draft poorly in order to contribute to your well-deserved victory in the championship game because without it, your life is devoid of meaning!


The Internets

[ed. note: c'mon fuckers, we're stuck on five players. Don't make me start bringing my assault rifle to the blog. The tree of football must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of players and coaches.]


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Having played football (in HS), I can tell you that not even one of my fantasies involves it.



Übermilf said...

Oh, goody. You're starting this crap again.

Can't wait.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, you bastard, right, like you don't have football fantasies involving winning one for The Gipper.

übermilf, it's not my fault the masses are clamoring for metal and sports.

sunshine said...

Zzzzzzz... Ooops sorry!
I think I fell asleep.
I hope I didn't drool on any papers involving "fantasy draft picks" you may have had laying around.

I think I'll keep my life meaning free. Merci!

Utah Savage said...

Well the women weigh in.

"Zzzzzzz... Ooops sorry!
I think I fell asleep.
I hope I didn't drool on any papers involving "fantasy draft picks" you may have had laying around."

Pretty much sums it up.

Writer's Digest has a short fiction contest coming up. Info at my place.

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, you wouldn't be so blasé if it was a fantasy hockey league, ya hoser.

utah, did you just call tengrain a woman? Already saw, already commented. Us fantasy football players are an organized bunch. Takes effort to keep the various chips n' dips in order.

Tom Harper said...

Football fantasies...uh, sorry, I can't think of any. I'm expecting my deportation papers any day now.

Dr. Zaius said...

I didn't know cthuhlu played football! I'll bet he is kind of squishy in the end zone.

Don't participate in the "mock draft". It's not nice to tease people. ;o)

sunshine said...

A Hoser!?!
Oh no you did~int!!!
It's on fer sure now eh! It's aboot time you got your ass kicked Graves!
You're about to get a snowshoe up the old whaazooo. Or a hockey stick. Whichever I have closer ... Hmmm a beer bottle! That will work too.
p.s. I can't believe I let you goad me into using "aboot". Damn!

Christopher said...

Is Trent Edwards playing?

He's replaced Kurt Warner as my fantasy QB in the bedroom. Warner is a winger and Jesus rocks his world so I had to let him go.

Trent is from Los Gatos, CA and very cool, hot and not remotely wingnut.

Randal Graves said...

tom, that's what you get for aiding and abetting terrorists.

dr.zaius, watch out when he does his touchdown dance. If you're will a thirty yard radius, well, I hope you've made a living will.

Some people it is!

sunshine, and here I thought you Canuckleheads were simply peaceful hippies mispronouncing common words. In the immortal words of Der Leader, bring it on!

Randal Graves said...

christopher, I feel bad for Trent Edwards now that he has to deal with Terrell Owens, Master Narcissist.

okjimm said...

Lemmee get a note to Mathman...he may go for it.

My Ringer's Sweet Squeeze just moved to Minnesota...he's bummed and stoked.

I'll see if anyone at Oblio's wants in.

Beach Bum said...

I lost my faith in football when that bastard Brent Favre signed on with the Vikings. I hope Greenbay pounds him onto the grass when he gets up that way.

Christopher said...

Terrell Owens hurt his widdle toe and didn't even show up for the last day of pre-season training at St. John Fisher college.

No so tough, huh TO???

Snave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Snave said...

If you are getting a football league together and you have room for more players, please let me know. I would like to do as well in such a league as Cthulhu's Feces are doing in the Sweet Zombie Jesus! baseball league.

And hey, how about those Feces? Heh! Have you seen their mascot? Whoa, Nellie!

Holte Ender said...

I'm thinking of starting a Fantasy Health Care Reform League. Entry is free and the prize money is a trillion dollars.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, sounds good, but you've confused me on the bummed and stoked. He's able to simultaneously inhabit more than one plane of existence?

BB, hey, if someone was willing to give me 24 million, I'll play. Except for maybe The Fucking Yankees.

christopher, I'm curious as to the over/under on which week he throws his first teammate under the famous wheelie bus.

snave, I'll send you the info! And I'd prefer not to talk about the stupid baseball league, inconsistent bastards.

holte, sign me up! My first round pick is going to be a lobbyist.

Dusty said...

Come on people..don't you dream of beating the bejesus out of Randal?

This is your chance! It's a short-fucking-season for crying out loud!

susan said...

I'd be up for the fantasy health care league except that's what we've already got.

Distributorcap said...

another sports post --- is alex rodriguez a football player?


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