Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Come up and angioplasty me sometime.

Turn your head and cough, big boy.

Yes, ma'am.

I spent many an hour last evening contemplating payment options for my next doctor visit, and these are what I came up with as actually feasible:

  • teaching the physician how to play fantasy football
  • showing her how to beat Contra without using the Konami Code
  • explaining the slacker way to compose bad verse
  • demonstrating a proper metal face
The free market solution at work, filthy hippies.

Bonne santé à vous!


Holte Ender said...

Randal - Teach the physician how play fantasy football, very badly, get her to join your league, and take the money. Doctors live in their own fantasy world they don't need Contra or Metal Face and they write badly enough without lessons. So I recommend the fantasy football badly option.

Dusty said...

OK fuckheel, translate the French line for moi please! ;p

sunshine said...

I guess if I lived in the U.S. I'd have to trade my body... and not for science.. wink wink nudge nudge..

Dr. Zaius said...

OK, I'll give you a lobotomy in exchange for explaining the slacker way to compose bad verse. Oh, wait! I already know how to write bad verse!

Randal Graves said...

holte, that's an excellent point. After I get the "free" health care, I can win half of their paycheck. Take that, edumacated types!

dusty, what, is babelfish broken? ;-)

sunshine, you just want to play doctor. ;-)

dr.zaius, but do you write it The Slacker Way? I should write a book!

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I don't want to see the home video of your colonoscopy on the webs, so spare us the pay per view, 'K?



Übermilf said...

Why don't you offer to tidy up her bookcase or whisper "shhhh!" at people or whatever it is you librarians do.

Beach Bum said...

With the price I have to pay in co-pays I'd have to barter a kidney.

La Belette Rouge said...

I say that you should pay with poetry. Huh? Nothing says a hot bartering commodity like poetry.

Christopher said...

You sure it was angioplasty you were thinking about with this nurse?

Tom Harper said...

Barter, that's the spirit. It's been another year already; time to dust off my old "will work for a prostate exam" sign.

Demeur said...

What you have no SUV rusting in the backyard you could trade?

susan said...

Hmm, Susan on phone with typical insurance company:

Deductible: $500.
Ins. Benefit: 80%
Maximum out of pocket: $5000

That's a good plan; you don't want to know about the bad ones.

The luckiest people are those who get sick in January and are cured by December.

MRMacrum said...

Steal the Docs car - Sell it- pay the bill. Seems simple to me. Of course you might still have to dip into your pocket for the difference, but at least you will have a head start on the bill.

Randal Graves said...

tengrain, really? You won't even splurge for the low, low price of $39.95 which includes a subscription to the next Wrestlemania?

übermilf, you've been watching too much Masterpiece Theatre. Now we drop volumes of the OED on their toes.

BB, that's why you've got two of 'em: one for drinkin', one for sellin'.

LBR, I hereby nominate you as head of the AMA.

christopher, I'm merely looking out for my health. If the nurse has me undress, so be it.

tom, just don't display that sign outside Miss Lindsey's office.

demeur, too late. Cash for clunkers.

susan, if you'd follow the Bush plan of Just Don't Get Sick®, maybe you wouldn't have this problem.

mrmacrum, that's not a bad plan either - I'm sure there are plenty of chop shops in the Cleveland area - but being a righteous man, a pillar of my community, I don't believe I'd be very skilled at crime.

Anonymous said...

Love the knee bows!