Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Flash on the Doorstep

Ye gods, I almost forgot about this. That sickly aroma of the harried, the hurried, the rushed? Blame Yog-Sothoth.

I said that you don't have to believe me, and I certainly wouldn't...if I were in your shoes. But the facts remain steadfast, Howard, in spite of the conflicting factions of your quaint, beloved reason and my glaring neon insanity. So fucking haughty you are, but you'll see, you'll see, and then you'll believe.

But not now, of course, old friend. Ha! Go on and claim taut threads will prevent gnawing through this flesh, through this bone to get at the sweet, sweet marrow inside. Don't look at me like that, it's all that'll be left once they've begun. Nothing left. Tell me, is that the meaning of the 'good' buried below 'for my own?'

You will tell me, for your hubris know no limits.


You lord all you survey. A shame it's naught but padded shouting. Ha! Rigid as a preacher, an impressive figure you'd cut, if you weren't so amazingly wrong. A serious visage for a serious matter. The DSM-IV spread upon your hands, the Gospel according to the psychiatric hospital. This is the word of the lab. Praise be to Howard. Your good book to be heard by the multitudes of unfortunates who will die like dogs. Like me.

Such a sad fate this hallucination, given what passes for life in the septic tunnels of a poor, pill-fed, once respected mind safely out of public earshot, the only plausible outcome.

Like you. Oh, don't step in the afterbirth.

No, no, listen, I know you saw what I did, why else would you lock me away, but how else was I to stop its coup d'état? Don't encephalitic fluids, like the subjects of our illusory democracies, deserve freedom, too? They're coming.

And you'll scream for a room.

While you're busy laughing, can I have a drag? Thanks.

You're a good friend, Howard. How I pity you.


Sherry Peyton said...

I'd say something pithy if I knew what in the fuck you were saying. Usually I have the help of other commenters whose brains are obviously more brilliant than my own and I can fake something appropriate. That is William Shatner right? It must be spring, my mind is aflutter with thoughts of asparagus. I guess that says it all.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Oh, don't step in the afterbirth.

That should be your motto here, emblazoned across the top of this blog, hippie.



PS - New Springtime menu at Ray's!

Demeur said...

Belive me? Of course you couldn't believe me. Truth is always stranger than fiction.

It was the strawberries I tell you. Yea, that's it the strawberries.

Dr. Zaius said...

I don't scream for a room. I scream for ice cream! ;o)

Randal Graves said...

sherry, in the end, don't all things come back to Shatner?

tengrain, for once, I agree with one of your bizarre suggestions. Management will consider it.

demeur, unless it's a made-up truth.

dr.zaius, these rooms don't come with ice cream!

sunshine said...

Shatner rocks! Of course, you all know he's Canadian.. right?? :P

As I was reading this, one thought kept popping into my head.
"God, please don't let Brett Micheal's die. I'm betting that he could set this story to music, get Poison back on the road and make Randal famous!"

That's all I was thinking... :)


Liberality said...

Lovecraft would smile a little and then tell you to get out, you are disturbing his pet cats.

Holte Ender said...

Howard Stern gets way more publicity than he deserves.

Flannery Alden said...

Creepy and lyrical. I doff my hat at you!

Beach Bum said...

Shatner got caught singing again I see.

Great story!

Tom Harper said...

God damn it, there's that Jehovah's Witness on our back porch again! How long has he been sitting there???

susan said...

Are you mocking the tea baggers again? Illusory democracies? Pshaw!

S.W. Anderson said...

"No, no, listen, I know you saw what I did, why else would you lock me away, but how else was I to stop its coup d'état? Don't encephalitic fluids, like the subjects of our illusory democracies, deserve freedom, too? They're coming.

"And you'll scream for a room."

Based on the photo and the above text, I see this post as an allegory to the consequences of doing too many priceline.com commercials — right, Randal?

Randal Graves said...

sunshine, everyone of note is from Canada, the greatest nation in the history of planet earth.

You know, I can't shake this feeling that all this Poisoning is merely a cover-up for your secret love of the band.

liberality, as long as I don't have to go in the basement. That's where he keeps the Old Ones.

holte, baba booey!

flannery, doff? I love that beer!

BB, Shatner should be required by law to perform all commercial jingles.

tom, Jehovah's got all the time in the world, heathen.

susan, I think this was more a mock of the MIC.

SWA, there's no such thing as too many Priceline commercials. All Shatner, all the time!

chad rohrbacher said...

Shatner on peyote? Stream of Blue Unicorn consciousness? French surrealist spirits banging on Shatner's brain cells? I fear we will never know.

PipeTobacco said...

Very interesting. I like the idea of the psych ward and wish I would have thought of that for my own effort.

As always, your stories make me think a lot... in interesting ways.


Sue H said...

Randal - I'm not completely sure I understand what you wrote - but then, who says insanity has to make any sense. Still, it was an exhilarating full-throttle ride through dementia! (I think.....)

BTW - my favourite line:
"Don't encephalitic fluids, like the subjects of our illusory democracies, deserve freedom, too?"

David Barber said...

Randal - What everyone else said. ;-) I'm overworked and underpaid and my brain is mashed. And I'm a Man U fan and may have to watch the foreign legion of Chelsea lift the premiership trophy. Life's a bitch....but then you have a beer and all is okay!!

amadmike1 said...

Howard is haughty but I love how he picks on Baba Booey and Ronnie the Limo Driver...and everyone else, although rarely Fred and Robin most carefully.