Thursday, April 29, 2010

The sporting life

This is what happens when you ask someone if their mom is a prostitute:

Now that's what I call a pitched battle.

Speaking of the pitch, go here to read me waxing idiotic on some footy.

Speaking of feet, those north-of-the-border frogs used theirs to kick our nation's capital to the icy curb. This will not stand. Canada, prepare for an invasion of our finest crackers brandishing fried foods.

Pittsburgh vs. Montreal: I'm not sure people are grasping how large a miserable failure Washington just barfed on the East coast. A 33-point regular season gap, a 91-goal differential gap, world-class star power against a collection of midgets and pieces-parts and blowing a 3-1 lead. Somehow, I can't see Crosby, Malkin, Gonchar, et al permitting a second coming of blasphemy. Penguins in five.

Boston vs. Philadelphia: A shame when two perennial underachievers meet, for one gets to shed a few blemishes off such truth. The city of brotherly angst is already aware that three key forwards will be lounging it up at home while the beaneaters are getting back offensive wiz/defensive fizz Marc Savard. But the latter also has Satan, the ultimate sleeved ace. Bruins in seven.

San Jose vs. Detroit: Now here's a matchup brimming with tradition. Hockeytown vs. The Choke Job. Californistan has talent, but until they put up, they can shut their piehole. Red Wings in six.

Chicago vs. Vancouver: The number two seed is the chic pick, and though rookie goalies with postseason success aren't unheard of -- Cam Ward in 2006 and backstopping gods Ken Dryden in 1971 and Patrick Roy in 1986, for starters -- the Canucks have a bit more thermonuclear weaponry at their disposal than those quarterfinal hillbillies. Still, who doesn't love being à la mode. Blackhawks in six.


Dr. Zaius said...

If only the American congress were more like the Ukrainian Parliament... At least it would make C-SPAN more interesting to watch! :o)

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Wait a minute! San Jose has a team?


PS - Eat at Ray's!

Cormac Brown said...

Holy Shit! I already used a still from this for the poll, talk about synchronicity!

Cormac Brown said...


I hope you get smut and not the good kind.

Holte Ender said...

Ice Hockey, but changing the subject, Jose Mourinho pulled one out his bag of tricks, boring but effective. I going the for the Dutch Master to out think him.

Randal Graves said...

dr.zaius, exactly! If you want the ratings, you've got to make the show more lively!

tengrain, shouldn't you be playing in some silicon valleys, hippie?

cormac, long live Ukraineistan!

holte, it certainly worked, though if they hadn't caught that handball (a ref paying attention!), Pep's the one who is special. Should be, even if Ribery doesn't play, a quality final.

Demeur said...

Shame on you Graves! You send me to Mad Mikes with expectations of Live Nude Girls! and what do I get? A bunch of Sex in the City wannabes and an old guy (the team owner?) trying to kick a ball.
Sheesh maybe I should eat at Rays.

sunshine said...

La, la, la...
Oh, did someone just threaten to invade us???

Unless you want us to fuck your shit up.. I suggest you sit back down.. American. :) <--- sweet smile

See. Not all Canadians are nice. :)


Prime Minister Harper.. get "The Tank" ready....

Übermilf said...

Smoke bomb egg fight? It must've smelled like Cleveland in there!

Do you miss me? I miss me.

Randal Graves said...

demeur, promise the world, deliver nothing. Now that's marketing!

sunshine, I see right through your false bluster, Miss Canada. Remember, we have that cannon!

übermilf, no.

Tom Harper said...

Sometimes those YouTube ads are a riot. Right in the middle of all the pushing and shoving and fighting and smoke filling the air, the ad caption was "chronic constipation."

So that's why those Ukrainians are so grumpy and out-of-sorts.

okjimm said...

Hockey! Puck that!

Beach Bum said...

This Ukrainian shit is nothing, in the good-old days before the Civil War some Congressmen from South Carolina beat the crap out of some Northerner on the floor of Congress with his cane.

susan said...

I watched a Jon Stewart piece about the Senate bank hearings that he ended with this clip as a suggestion for our legislators.

Randal Graves said...

tom, I'm assuming that's because raw eggs will help alleviate such a condition.

okjimm, go back to Wisconsinastan, eh?

BB, ah yes, the Honorable Ty Cobb, Sr.

susan, they'll never consistently do the right thing en masse, so might as well be entertaining to us unwashed masses.

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