I know that's how a preponderance of you wankers feel when I post yet again about sports. Good. Embrace the pain, build some character.
The worst American side against one of the world's best, even if it'll be their B-team? We'll still need the A to stave off the ass-whuppin' bounty our pitied fools shall receive. But at least it'll provide a comic (perhaps not for this guy) palliative for post-semester decompression.
See, this is why I need photoshop, so I can show Mr. T firing one past Troy Perkins. The following will have to suffice. Je suis désolé.
Now, for the world's least in-depth Jimmy the Greeking, on the rocks:
Washington vs. Montreal: One team has Alexander Ovechkin and Mike Green and the other does not. Capitals in five.
Pittsburgh vs. Ottawa: One team has Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin and the other does not. Penguins in five.
New Jersey vs. Philadelphia: I don't trust Ilya. I do trust Martin. Devils in six.
As if you wouldn't vote for this guy over a career politician. Right.
Buffalo vs. Boston: Watching the Bruins' offensive ineptitude this season, I was gently reminded of a local gridiron squadron. Oh, and the higher seed has Ryan Miller, he of the olympian Olympics. Sabres in six.
San Jose vs. Colorado: Californistan never chokes until the second round. Sharks in five.
Phoenix vs. Detroit: A clash between the inexplicable and the explicable. If the inexplicable wins, explain that. Red Wings in six.
Chicago vs. Nashville: Barry Trotz is a god. He simply doesn't have enough power at his disposal, his Sweet Zombie Jesus combating Chicago's Zeus. Ever see JC wield bolts of lightning? Blackhawks in five.
Vancouver vs. Los Angeles: If I had faith in Jonathan Quick, the young Kings would be the choice. Not that Robbie the Robot isn't likely to blow a circuit. Canucks in seven. I guess. I don't know.