Friday, January 21, 2011

Don't hate the player, hate the city

Believe me, I too am surprised the library is this popular. 

Traditionally the second greatest weekend on the football calendar after the divisional round I'm not counting the ESPN Hope & Change Invitational because have you seen our non-Joe Thomas track record*, fucking Tartarus, the Subpar Bowl's been believing its own hype of late, so all these (mostly) old schoolers better put down their pointless thus media-wheeled-that's-job-security-dude faux bitchslap monologues & hunker down to homeworking. Let's see that new overtime rule wrench a few monkeys. Entertain me & my pizza rolls, non-Cleveland bastards. 
Even you, my Tunisian brothers. You may be reading this Kleenex and empty talk on the Internet. This Internet, which any demented person, any drunk can get drunk and write in, do you believe it? The Internet is like a vacuum cleaner, it can suck anything. Any useless person; any liar; any drunkard; anyone under the influence; anyone high on drugs; can talk on the Internet, and you read what he writes and you believe it. This is talk which is for free. Shall we become the victims of “Facebook” and “Kleenex”* and “YouTube”! Shall we become victims to tools they created so that they can laugh at our moods?  
I, for one, welcome our new comedic overlord.

Jeez, you're all so serious. You can't stop red giantism.

The Fucking Jets @ The Fucking Steelers: I keep on picking against Noo Yawk & they keep on emerging victorious which makes me Jimmy the Greek minus the foot-in-mouth meal, Colossus of Rhodes spectacles & Brent Musberger. Am I evil for wanting Ben to be Turkey Jonesed, yes I am. I will not, I cannot ignore the incontrovertible factoids & will continue to pick against Noo Yawk, a veritable shoo-in to vanquish The Fucking Steelers, Mike Wallace the new Jimmy Orr. Thus, Doug Brien Nick Folk shanks & The Fucking Steelers 20-17(OT), I guarantee it.

Vomit. Where's my Kleenex? Dammit, I'm not YouTube.

Green Bay @ Chicago:  A team that will (theoretically; the monster of capitalism is nigh unstoppable when it sets its mind to destroying not just materiel but the precious, precious soul) never move contra second citysters, a team with a historically on-fire thrower against one whose current signalcaller has a chance to be the best Bears QB since way back when imprisoning Japs & firebombing Huns were the orders of the day, toss statistics in the blender, a pinch of salt, a dash of French fried onions et voilà, Packers 27-17.

*yes, Alex Mack & Joe Haden look like keepers, but we said that about Don Rogers & he coked himself to death. Red giantism.


thatgirl said...

Up next on GADDAFI!

World Powers are trying to take over the NORTH POLE! In the name of The Children and Children's Children Everywhere, Muammar goes undercover with Zombie Ernest to Save Christmas and the planet too.

Randal Graves said...

Now I wish I could draw. There's a Muammar comic book just waiting to happen. David Bowie, look out!

thatgirl said...

Get your oldest in on it. Imagine the infinite possibilities of Muammar Manga.

Übermilf said...

If the Packers win, I'm going to vomit into a bag and mail it to you. And that vomit will be superior to any of the crap you spew forth onto this blog of yours.

I hope no Tunisian does wander unsuspectingly onto this fetid scrap heap of meaningless meanderings. Those people have suffered enough.

In conclusion, you smell.

Madam Z said...

I don't know anything about football, except that the players look cute in those tight pants.

Randal Graves said...

thatgirl, brilliant idea. An untapped subgenre sure to be popular with the kids especially given that the dude's outfits are as garish as any anime character.

Oh, someone want to close the window, that noisy drone is awful. Thanks.

madam z, even the nose tackle?

Übermilf said...

You know you missed me. You can' handle it when people are nice to you. You NEED me.

Demeur said...

You of all people. Are you of simple mind? You actually think this is about glory and honor and sportsmanship?
It's about cash, moola, rubles, dough, green backs. Every see a run away game before the first half is done? Of course not. Those sponsors aren't paying millions a second for nothing you know. And the refs don't make out too bad either. Just wonder where they keep their price lists and dirty review glasses. After further review I couldn't see squat!

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, as much as I need syphilis.

demeur, Marv honorably says his honorableness was an honor.

Liberality said...

I am drunk and I am high and I am writing on the internet. And you believe me don't you? What I write is true because it's on the internet, on Facebook, or Youtube, on blogger even.

Where's a fucking tissue when you need one? Oh, here it is--an internet, suck it up.

Demeur said...

Oh but that was a play off game. Not like it was the Bowl of Super filled to the brim with the best Madison Ave has to offer.

Jim H. said...

Try penicillin. I've heard good things.

Packers, Steelers, Bears, and um Jets? Which one is not lie the other ones.

Will the new Weeb and the new Namouth prevail as against the true Colts of yore? Never. Please cthulu, never.

Chicago's a year or two away.

Nailed 'em this time. Were you drunk at the keyboard at work?

Randal Graves said...

liberality, if you'd share, I'd be more than happy to believe you. As it stands, I'm reaching for a box of Kleenex.

demeur, why do you hate James Madison?

jim, I'm high on life, man. As long as either NFC team runs the rest of the table. The thought of Noo Yawk hoisting the trophy is shudderful. I won't even talk about the final scenario.

Tom Harper said...

Glad Qadaffi (or Ghadaffi or whatever spelling he's using today) has found a second career as a comedian. He'll soon go from "Off with their heads!" to "bada bing!" and "thanks, I'll be in town all week."

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I got nuthin'.



La Belette Rouge said...

Kleenex liked my piece on Psych Today, "The Tissue Issue" so much that they sent me gift certificates for free tissue. I think Kimberly Clark needs to know about you. I think you might be rolling in tissue for life!

Chef Cthulhu said...

Fuck the Jets.

Cormac Brown said...

I keep picking against the Jets, too, waiting on San-chise to do his usual implosion in the face of a big game. Of course, a Mike Martz-led offense should implode because Cutler will be holding on to the ball too long (just ask Kurt Warner's back and ribs), yet they made it this far.

I told everybody at work that I'm picking Steelers Vs. Packers, and I'm staying with that tenative prediction. Oh, and thanks for the special teams coach.

okjimm said...

no time for commenting..... off to the ritual bonfire sacrifice of a wheel of cheddar to the the NFL Gods.

..... otherwise known as toasted cheese. Go Packers. 28-14

susan said...

I watched the video because I hoped to see the nurse. No luck.