Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'm gonna wash that gray™ right out of my hair!


This tome was lurking in this morning's bookdrop & after a coworker & I leafed through its lurid 1976 Seattle Seahawk garb in order to discover that 1)the reason for the proliferation of sexual harassment in the office is chicks dressing like club sluts, 2)shoes make the man & 3)black comedy's got nothing on corporate, I began to silently pray to Cthulhu that I don't end up a casualty of Austerity® 'cause

snark towards various & sundry + cheap fashion sense + zero 'marketable' skills = would you like fries with that.

Thankfully, there are plenty of fast food joints within walking distance of my house, so at least I'll save on public transportationista fare.

"One ancient Greece, one English lit, a large fry & a diet Coke. $7.98."


Laura said...

So long as you don't put any of your "Special Sauce" onto my burger, I'm fine with you working at a Fast Food joint! :)
(oh, and no bachelor parties after hours either.... )


MRMacrum said...

In that we seem to have worn out Prosperity, Austerity would appear to be all that's left.

TheCunningRunt said...

One of those purple shirts would become you, My Good Man. Or perhaps Sesame Street could use a second grouch?

Hey, I'm just tryin' to help...

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I would pay good mone--US dollars even--to hear you sing the Burger King song of yore:

Hold the Pickle
Hold the Lettuce
Special orders
Don't upset us...



PS - Eat at Ray's!

thatgirl said...

I'll bet this is Gene Simmons' long-lost cousin with their penchant for trademarking otherwise mundane parts of the English language.

thatgirl said...

Also, if we end up becoming fast-food employees, can we please use the word "Englished"? because that would be awesome.

Demeur said...

Ha! You think you'll just waltz in and dawn a paper hat?
Better bone up on the Espanyol first amigo.
And no you can't hold my pickle either.

Ethan said...

God, there's really a fucking limitless number of those books, isn't there?

Jim H. said...

Because you are thick and drippy?

Because when somebody rubs you you make foam?

Because you tested out on animals first?

Because you smell fruity?

Dude, I could go on...

Randal Graves said...

laura, you wouldn't turn down special brownies, so why would you turn down a special burger?

mrmacrum, excuse me, but Austerity™ is a registered trademark of Our Corporate Overlords.

TCR, they can film my segment from my cardboard box. I wouldn't want to infringe on Oscar's trademark.

thatgirl, Gene Simmons' representatives just called & you're being sued for defamation of character.

How would that be Englished? Verily, doth wee stille have that booke?

demeur, given my well-known *and* -respected customer service skills, I'm a shoo-in.

ethan, because the competition is fierce my friend, now, do you want to be Head and Shoulders, or the generic store brand?

Randal Graves said...

jim, I think you've inadvertently hit on a new subsubgenre of porn. Market that, you'll be rich!

Ricky Shambles said...

Hey, John Boehner's an alcoholic who grew up in a house with *only* one bathroom and he's a rich, weepy Speaker holding a big wooden hammer now.

Would you like Merlot with that?

Betty C. said...

Writing a post about ghosts of Wordless Wednesdays past, I just found your first-ever comment on my blog:

Tom Harper said...

Hey, you need to lose that snarky attitude and buckle down and get to work, and be nice to those library patrons. Otherwise, you'll end up like your namesake in that picture.

Or maybe he's having more fun than a librarian.

S.W. Anderson said...

Given that your new governor and Grover "Drown Government in a Bathtub" Norquist are each other's idea of a walking wet dream, you definitely should work on a Plan B for survival.

Being a server where the swells put $100 lunches washed down with $60 wine on the expense account can be much more remunerative, even just tip wise, than pushing Big Breakfasts (sans butter and plastic knife and fork, of course) across a counter.

Or, you could find a niche and start a business. I'm thinking remainders of Sarah Palin's books could be recycled into some kind of building material to help house the foreclosed destitute.

TomCat said...

Off Topic, congrats on winning Lefty Bloggers Plus!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

There are prizes?

I wasn't told there would be prizes!

susan said...

'Can people be branded too?', the reporter asked Brenda.

'Why, yes, of course they can,' she replied, 'but you have to make sure they sit very still after you heat the iron.'

okjimm said...

Ya know.. And just sayin....we's all know you own a camera..... Iza wanna see a pic of the REAL Randalz....or at least a small body a toe or fingernail or ingrown why not?

Randal Graves said...

ricky, given that adult beverages are all but necessary these days, um, yeah.

betty, I'm still waiting on that Kinks post.

tom, free food, such as it were, at least.

SWA, but then I'd have to be in same room with those fuckers, though I *would* be able to spit in their food.

tomcat, blind luck, sir!

if, there are always prizes, & don't worry, we don't adhere to that no-lead-in-our-kid's-meals bullshit.

susan just flew in and boy are her arms tired.

okjimm, I suppose a middle finger could be arranged.

Liberality said...

middle finger!!!! you're killing me Randal with the comedy and the suspense!