Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Microcosmic Cadavaliers.

Hmm, meet Microcosmic Cadaver, the unholy love child of early Carcass & spacey, second-wave black metal. What, you thought I was going to be the 8,347,114th person to regurgitate a day late on assassination tango? Talk about reeking of putrefaction.

*uncomfortable silence*

Dammit, I need more metal readers.

Well, Comic Sans, your best player's all dressed up in 8-29 with no particular court to go, an unyielding, ever widening freakshow of tape, three-shilling jump shots, negative plane post moves, mind control defense, check this disturbance: imagine neither Klingons nor Romulans but twenty-six episodes of The Interstellar Cavalcade of Lwaxana Troi & Mr. Homn. There's your nutshell, trade everyone, even the ballboy for a 2014 conditional second rounder & a pastrami on rye.

Oh, & for the cherry on top, a leering Sammy Hagar AFC Weekend of Baltimore (horrors!) & the slightly-less-demonic Pittsburgh, plus the victory-saturated Egoburgs of Bah-ston & Noo Yawk. Pass the machine gun. What, I'm not allowed to be as violent as everyone else? I want to sup some of that state-sanctioned rage, too, bub. Now, at the risk of being unpopular, this blogger places the blame for all of this squarely on you, the viewers#.

#identify them per your own political bent, it's a free blog, I'm off to change the world by lighting a moment of silence. 


thatgirl said...

They're blaming said crazy man's shooting spree on that Dastardly Heavy Metal Music that the Kids Listen To These Days.

It's like Columbine+Oklahoma City and I cringe to think of where the pundits will go with this.

Randal Graves said...

I miss the days when metal got blamed for things. Sniff.

thatgirl said...

Since it's cycling back around, does that mean that blaming metal for things is now kind of retro?

Where's Tipper Gore? And Dee Snider?

Liberality said...

I haven't blogged about the shooting in Arizona yet. Geeze, give me some credit here. :P

okjimm said...

Blaming Metal? Pffftttt.... all the world's trouble are due to the fact that you cannot find good cheap doughnuts.

Randal Graves said...


I wanna assassinate!

Drowning Pool must be using subliminal messages.

liberality, yay! I didn't even hear about the thing until yesterday & I figured someone somewhere would have articulated my view, so why add to the cacophony?

okjimm, especially custard, dammit.

Laura said...

Great. Now I want a doughnut.

I like uncomfortable silences too. Awkward situations are kinda my thing...
I have a headache. Do you even care?


Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

If Bowling for Columbine taught us anything, it is that Marilyn Manson is the smartest dude on the topic, so with that, um, what the heck were we talking about?



susan said...

It's a certain fact the kid would have been better off as a metal fan with a fetishistic interest in football.

Tom Harper said...

Heavy Metal caused the Tucson Massacre? I thought it was caused by marijuana and the breakdown of family values.

S.W. Anderson said...

Obviously, those brownish, roundish things on your pizza weren't mushrooms, Randal.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Randal Graves rips Cavs via Blogger...

Randal Graves said...

laura, I care if you have donuts!

tengrain, the Maharishi Yogi, duh.

susan, but then he wouldn't have that fabulous mugshot to fall back on.

tom, the family that smokes together assassinates together.

SWA, oh they were, magical ones.

if, I thought god only cared about Super Bowls and gay sex.

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