Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I attract the exact conditions that I need to become a fuller person, or, March of the Peons*

Start looking at your job with kind eyes. 

Creatively combining the mesmerizing, psilocybin DSM-IV combat zone known as the first day of the semester & the timely(!) completion of assessment's post-assessment assessment, where the allure of creatively altering body language, the latest in software technology & judicious electro-theft of мой товарищ's masterpiece of English major bullshittery melt into a heady, non-alcoholic brew because those HR-mandated 12-step gigs would get in the way of empty glass-half-empties, I'm not sure how to complete this thought dying to vulture those already decaying, a delicious saucer of milk greedily lapped up by The Man's Blofeldian feline.

What was your impression of this course?

Oh, it left an impression, zing.

I enjoy my day in harmony and share my harmony with others.

Two out of three renegade Nazi occultists infiltrating the Bilderbergers agree, Harness Quantum Mind Power!

An image of Brainiac would have been more appropriate, but poor, poor Solomon Grundy, the purple-headed stepchild of supervillains, never gets any love & I'm all about being positively quantum, don't you dare declare that I'm being meta, ninjitsuly declaring all this rigmarole a living comic book especially since I'd likely be cursed with the useless power of rendering you a messy blob with my 20/9,000 vision at least I've got the Bat Cave.

This is actually true:
Be diligent and proactive. On the one hand, if you don't like your tasks you will "suffer" them for longer if you delay doing them. On the other hand, when you finish all you have to do you achieve a sense of accomplishment and the inner peace that everything is done. 

Internets porn is peaceful after finishing achievement.

Visualize or imagine a big bubble or shield, made out of light and that shines like diamond or gold, which surrounds you and protects you. 

Wonder bubble powers, activate!

Shape of, shiny happy people holding hands!

You can start a gratitude journal in which to record what you are thankful for, or you could also use a gratitude rock.

Won't this conflict with my success journal, or worse, won't my pet rock get jealous?

This big ball of energy feels good; it acts like a shield and doesn't let any negative energy get to you. 

Who's got the biggest balls of them all?

The person who typed this, natch:  Remember that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know at each moment.

*79.6% of stuff in bold from this pile of fecal matter, a place that shares an aura with the Solomon Grundys behind Customer Service Training Day(s).

P.S. Trying to promote brown jeans may prove quite useless.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I started a gratitude blog, instead.

P.S. It is even more difficult than usual to think positive thoughts about my tasks. I may put a youtuber on my gratitude blog, instead.

La Belette Rouge said...

You are being meta.
p.s. Never did I imagine that I would come here and see all these New Age platitudes. I love how you make them all feel deeply sinister and dark. And, yeah, I need a gratitude rock. Are you selling them here?

Laura said...

You are my new Guru.
Please don't hit me with your Gratitude Rock!


Tom Harper said...

Great to hear Alice In Chains again. Some of those dissonant guitar riffs at the end sounded almost like something out of Captain Beefheart.

Demeur said...

Where to begin? The degeneration of the academic system? When the newly tenured slackers have become the teachers of the next generation of slackers. And all the thinking outside the box or feely good aura capturing circle jerk mantra humming staff meetings will not change that. What useless dross oozes out of ivy covered halls that poses for the gen Z+ leaders? But I know you're just there to collect a pay check and amuse yourself until retirement. What a gig ya got there.

Susan Tiner said...

"Oh, it left an impression, zing."

Have you seen this video?

Chef Cthulhu said...

"Who's got the biggest balls of them all?"

I try to explain to my wife how Bon Scott's droll and self-mocking faux British accent take a lowly piece of double entendre' and turn it into a true masterpiece, but she doesn't see it.

And she's freakin' Australian!

MRMacrum said...

If you have ever hunted grey squirrels you would know that they have the biggest balls in relation to their body size. The damn things are huge. If mine were that big, people would ask me if I was going bowling.

Randal Graves said...

if, be careful about thanking yourself for the gift of thankfulness, rips in space-time are usually the result. That's how I lost my pet rock.

LBR, if you act now, get my 37-step success program, a free PDF download, free, for only 39.95.

laura, hitting people with rocks? This is the 21st century. I've got a couple of tactical nukes in my backpack.

tom, Alice are always, as they should be, in the playlist.

demeur, they keep on upping the retirement age, so I figure I'll still be trying to amuse myself when I'm 86, assuming I don't keel over from a coronary before then.

susan t, oh what a crock of a video that is. Some people simply need to know their place, damn disposable cubicle jockeys.

chef, I'm not sure I can reply to that as I'm unable to see the keyboard through these tears.

Bon Scott, dammit!

mrmacrum, who's lookin' the squirreliest of them all?