Wednesday, January 12, 2011
There's a gli- gli- gli- glitch that sti- sti- icky -icks.
A craw, a craw, my kingdom for an oblivious craw.
Last three in PER for our *cough* stalwarts, minimum of 500 minutes played:
Antawn Jamison 20.6 to 17.3 to 16.2, coulda needs a contendah.
Anthony Parker 12.1 to 9.9 to 10.1, sweet merciful crap, just stay hurt.
Anderson Varejao 14.6 to 15.8 to 15.4 + Defender + out for the year = ARGH.
Mo Williams 17.2 to 16.1 to 14.3, if there's a sack with a dollar sign, you take it.
Boobie Gibson 10.1 to 11.3 to 15.1, always one kid who listens -- & gets hurt.
J.J. Hickson 12.5 to 15.2 to 11.4, a walking brain cramp.
Ramon Sessions 17.6 to 12.9 to 16.9, out-of-control turnover machine.
Jamario Moon 13.3 to 12.6 to 8.9, why is he not cleaning Cheney's cage?
The sad part is, aside from Old Man Antawn still being owed 28+ milion through the Year of Quetzalcoatl, the only contracts off the books this offseason are Parker's 2.8 million & Leon Powe's 900k. Moonpie's 3.19 million team option will not be picked up or I'll walk from here to Californistan to toss eggs at Tengrain's house. Throw in the fact that the odds of lottery numero uno ain't swanky (we already lucked out once, one more than Cleveland, per the basketball gods, should be allowed) & thus, it's a black matter for the font & us.
Look, when you're offensively inept, you play D. If you don't play D, you're these guys. I'll admit I might have been smoking something out of a dime store vending machine -- remember those NFL helmets for a quarter? -- when I penciled these jokers in for 35 wins & an 8th seed, but fuck man, 1992-93 Mavericks bad, that's a nigh unattainable realm of suck only spoken of in hushed tones. Terry Davis! Mike Iuzzolino! Sean Rooks! The immortal Walter Bond! How Derek Harper didn't commit center court seppuku remains a mystery Eleusinian.
Can someone clear all the knives out of Sideshow Bob's house? Merci.
Sigh. At least they're not the amoral denizens of the Sunday morning talking hairpiece roundtable nation & goddammit, that's something.