Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Restrictions may apply


















"That's a ridiculous question. Pumpkinhead steals his questions from me!"

This is unpatriotic!

Maybe Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton can sum up their policy differences in 30 seconds or less on Wednesday night.

They will have to if they are going to get their points across well on networks other than ABC, which is sponsoring the hotly anticipated Democratic debate that evening. According to the usage guidelines circulated by ABC, other news organizations are only allowed to excerpt half a minute from the broadcast.

I've been blessed by The Lord to live in the Eastern time zone, but what about our brave men and women out west? They'll be forced to engage in bated breathing while waiting for such hotly anticipated Gibby nuggets like:

"Senator Billary -- can you put down the shot glass and rifle, please? -- will you actually be able to take the call at 3 a.m. telling you that the deadly Iran/Al-Qaeda Conglomerate of Cartoon Supervillainy has started their invasion of The Free Democratic Republic Of Iraq if you're busy busting up yet another one of your husband's trysts?"

"Senator Osama, in between bouts of wiping marijuana ash from the dog-eared pages of your copy of Das Kapital, do you eat both Christian babies on your plate, or do you share a limb or two with your Muslim brethren and sistren as your communist manifesto dictates you should?"

Enjoy watching that claptrap, kids. I'm afraid I'll have to pass. That booze won't drink itself.

24 comments:

Dr. Zaius said...

I may join you in a liquid refreshment debate. I just painted these walls, and if I tune in I fear that they might peel.

Mary Ellen said...

Not watching the debate, I have a goat to sacrifice tonight. And who are you trying to kid with all that "I've been blessed by the Lord" stuff? Are you trying to turn me on with that preacher talk?

La Belette Rouge said...

I feel sure you will drink more if you watch. Just something to consider.

Randal Graves said...

dr. zaius, perhaps if you mute your television? Freshly applied paint still can't read, right?

ME, a goat to sacrifice? Have you committed your soul to Satan? And that's all it takes? I've got some Gregorian I'd like to chant for you.

LBR, well, I do have work tomorrow. I don't want to get that plastered.

Tom Harper said...

Congrats to ABC. Sounds like good old fashioned capitalism to me. What are you whining about?

This comment was brought to you by ExxonHalliburton. (Yes, we merged; I thought you knew.)

dguzman said...

I started drinking last night, just to make sure.

Gibby ought to step aside and let YOU ask the questions, Randal.

Dean Wormer said...

I'm actually looking forward to this one. It's Clinton's last chance to save the rotting corpse of her campaign.

Tengrain said...

I'm guessing that the other channels will have their best rating night ever.

Regards,

Tengrain

PoliShifter said...

They should at least have a Hillary, Obama, McCain debate...make it a little more interesting.

They can then argue on how much longer we are staying in Iraq. 18 months, 2 to 3 years, or one hundred thousand million years.

I guarantee you the media will find something to glom on to and make a mountain out of a mole hill yet again.

The Cunning Runt said...

Hey, ya gotta play the house yer booked in, OK?

The Cunning Runt said...

...And you pissed my pants with that "Blessed by The Lord" bullshit. Again.

pissed off patricia said...

Oh god, it sucked so much. Even with two martinis it was unfu*king-believable!

By the way, are you wearing your flag pin?

Mary Ellen said...

I actually got to watch part of the debate between the goat sacrifice and the pagan dancing. The best part was watching Obama throw Reverend Wright under the bus. It must be getting crowded there, with his grandmother under the front wheel and all. Just sayin'....

Randal Graves said...

tom, you're right. I cannot believe that I forgot Rule #1 of life: money über alles. I was brainwashed by commies, I tells ya!

dguzman, never too early to have a shot or three! Oh, hell no, wouldn't it be more fun to ask The Maverick® some questions? We can make a game of it, see how long it'll take before he blows his top.

dean, you sir, as a masochist. I hope your bar is well-stocked!

tengrain, "I know sir, I can't explain how a rerun of Gimme A Break got a 7.2 share either!"

poli, it certainly would, but what's disturbing is, in light of how horrid the Kerry-Bush debates were, thinking how bad the (probably)Obama-McCain ones will be. "No, Senator Obama, we're giving the Good Senator from Arizona a few extra minutes to cool down. It's only fair."

tcr, America is booked in a real dive, then. I hope the spirits are cheap! And hey, I'm just happy to count my blessings, praise Him!

POP, the fact that you even have to ask that is the deepest cut. My lapel pin is so large, I have to tilt to go through most doorways.

ME, you're turning into an angry polytheist before my eyes. Don't you pagan babes like to get extra naked? Come on over and we'll blaspheme to the mass in B minor.

Candace said...

I loved the questions you came up with - brilliant!

My mentor, Pooks, is asking for input on the frenchiness of a passage written in English, for a French character. Thought you might want to take a look, here

Randal Graves said...

I did, and commented, but I don't think I was much help. :)

Anita said...

what a smarmy piece of shite that charlie gibson was ... and georgie porgie, even worse.

if only i had a bottle of good vodka handy last night, it wouldn't have been so painful.

Mary Ellen said...

Hey slacker, time for a new post. I already put up two today...one with a dancing clown. C'mon, get with the program.

Randal Graves said...

anita, it's funny. Yesterday, I was dead set against watch that piece of claptrap, but after finding out how much of a televised trainwreck it was, I wish I had watched. With a bottle of good vodka, of course.

ME, Flying Nunly, weren't you chastising me for posting three times in one day last week? Now, you either want the economy stimulated, or you don't.

Mary Ellen said...

Randal- Well, I want something stimulated, that's for sure!

I just like to bitch, it's in my nature.

Randal Graves said...

Show me your economy, and I'll show you mine. And please, bitch. Not like I don't do the same. One reason that you're my favorite nun.

TomCat said...

That was a debate? I thought it was a circus.

Randal Graves said...

With not one, but two clowns, asking the questions.

Distributorcap said...

nothing screams news like a taped oprah chat fest.....

it wasnt even live to the west coast