"That's a ridiculous question. Pumpkinhead steals his questions from me!"
This is unpatriotic!
I've been blessed by The Lord to live in the Eastern time zone, but what about our brave men and women out west? They'll be forced to engage in bated breathing while waiting for such hotly anticipated Gibby nuggets like:
Maybe Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton can sum up their policy differences in 30 seconds or less on Wednesday night.
They will have to if they are going to get their points across well on networks other than ABC, which is sponsoring the hotly anticipated Democratic debate that evening. According to the usage guidelines circulated by ABC, other news organizations are only allowed to excerpt half a minute from the broadcast.
"Senator Billary -- can you put down the shot glass and rifle, please? -- will you actually be able to take the call at 3 a.m. telling you that the deadly Iran/Al-Qaeda Conglomerate of Cartoon Supervillainy has started their invasion of The Free Democratic Republic Of Iraq if you're busy busting up yet another one of your husband's trysts?"
"Senator Osama, in between bouts of wiping marijuana ash from the dog-eared pages of your copy of Das Kapital, do you eat both Christian babies on your plate, or do you share a limb or two with your Muslim brethren and sistren as your communist manifesto dictates you should?"
Enjoy watching that claptrap, kids. I'm afraid I'll have to pass. That booze won't drink itself.