Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Wherein I'm tempted to make stuff up

Raw. Power.

All this merely because I posted about one of my loves, professional basketball? Oh, Freida Bee, don't make me put up another piece of putrescent verse, you know I don't have anything randomly interesting left to say.

Thus, as chiseled on white marble streaked with pulsing veins of porphyry, carefully excavated from underneath an ancient temple in the faraway lands over the sea, older than the first city-states themselves, as seen in the British Museum [cue music of awe-inspiring humility and supplication] the rules:

*Link to the person who tagged you.
*Post the rules on your blog.
*Write six random things about yourself.
*Tag six random people by linking to their blogs.
*Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment (on each blog).
*Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

1. Whenever I hear or see the word 'frog,' the first thing that immediately pops in my head is an image of Charles Durning singing "frog legs, frog legs, get 'em while they're hot!" I have no control over this.

2. It's disturbingly comic yet thoroughly unsurprising that when one combs through past experience and events to find something worth talking about, it's nearly always something that one doesn't want to talk about, for whatever reason, good, bad or a murky mixture of the two. Does this count as number two? Damn right it does.

That sounds far more mysterious and intriguing than it truly is. I'm simply a smart aleck cartoon character with a hat. No torrid love affairs nor tales of righteous violence here.

3. After my great-grandmother kicked the bucket (save your fucking gasps, she was one snarky chick) during the waning days of Saint Ronnie's kingship, amidst the dispersal of her stuff to various members of the family, we received The Great Pumpkin, her orange Chevette, a wondrous relic of the Bitchin' Camero, bralessness and weed-saturated 70s. When one has been instructed on and driven nothing but cars with power steering, to go to that thing with its notoriously bad steering column was quite interesting. I laugh when I picture the modern jackass trying to multitask with a cell phone all-but-glued between the ear and shoulder, one hand holding a steaming hot cup of coffee -- just don't put it between your legs, the one shot at suing McDonald's is long gone -- the other desperately pleading with futility to cut him or her some slack and please, oh God/Allah/Zeus/Odin/Marduk/Flying Spaghetti Monster -- Cthulhu doesn't give a shit about your problems -- let me make this turn without crashing into that hot dog cart or mailbox!

4. I'm really straining here. I already told the story about the Lego guillotine. Wait, I do recall once upon a time that when my neighbor's dad was putting in the foundations for a deck, we stole a bag of Quick Crete to see if we could make some stone shoes. Relax. It's not as if Johnny suffered that much. He had all those fish to eat, and that's brain food, so I'm sure he used his newly discovered smarts to find his way back to the surface. Or maybe we just buried some Star Wars figures up to their necks in the backyard. At least that's what I told the cops.

5. I Can't Remember anything else.

6. No, really, I can't. So, go Earth Day, buy a Green Machine.

I'm sure everyone has been tagged or is in the process of being tagged by now, and if not, enjoy the freedom given to us by Der Leader and choose whether or not to complete this meme. God Bless Darth Vader!


Anonymous said...

Have mercy. Briefly, in college, I drove a Chevette station wagon. Beige with faux wood paneling.

Thanks for unearthing that memory.

Mary Ellen said...

Every day I find out a little more about you...and none of it's interesting. ;-) (kidding...just kidding!!!)

Rumor has it, you and okjimm are planning a road trip. I'll throw a few extra beers in the fridge, stock up on more of my stash, and hide my embarrassing collection of music and put out something that makes me look cool. If you're high when you listen to it..it is cool, actually.

Have a great day....and hey, I ain't no slacker! I just need to take a few deep breaths, go for a lot of runs or bike rides, and get back to the real me again. Or, as my mom used to say to my brothers and I when we were kids and sitting around the house too much and driving her crazy, I need to.."Go outside and blow the stink off of ya." Or did she say that when we didn't shower enough? I can't remember. Freakin' old age.

Later, kiddo.

Dean Wormer said...

Johnny was a dirty rat who worked with the coppers. He got waht he deserved.

Anonymous said...

i feel the need to bow out of the room and say "My Lord".

Freida Bee said...

Ooh, I am such a meme terrist, 'cause your squirming makes me want to meme you more, but I go none, and I should just be thankful for that.

Randal Graves said...

dcup, now that was a classic car.

ME, I told you, but you insisted hanging onto false hopes! A

Come on, embarrassing? People dig what they dig. If someone else doesn't like it, fuck 'em.

As for the hiatus, believe me, I can understand. Politics - well, the world, as it were - is nothing but a cesspool, and sometimes one would rather not choke on the toxic sludge. Some new version of clown will get in, and thought it hopefully won't be the guy with the hard-on for blowing the fuck out of everything, the slow ride of imperialism will continue unabated.

No, readers, I'm not an optimist.

Oh, please make sure your stash is well-stocked. We'll be over at 9.

dean, and if his pals don't shape up, well, we know where his kids go to school. Be a shame if something happened to them.

fot, don't spend too much time bowing, the fields need planting, peasant.

Randal Graves said...

FB, just don't meme me with one of these random deals, you saw the carnage that resulted! Since I am thankful, do I have to send a card?

okjimm said...

RG...ah, is that 9 central or 9 eastern? I am rather time challenged.....I think it was that crappy mescaline Re-Pete gave me in '72. Gees, I hope he is still dead.

oh, ana saw this thingee on the net....ten WORST #1 NFL draft picks..Cleveland had #8, Courtney Brown and # 4, Tim Couch.

Just trying to make you feel better.

Jess Wundrun said...

One would think there was a car meme going around! mathman said he drove a dart, you drove a chevette, and I had me a maverick.

This means that NONE of us were cool. I'll make up for it when I'm eighty.

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, oh shit, good catch. 9 EST means less time I'll have to work on my paper, so let's go with that.

I saw that list. Courtney Brown was hurt all the time and Tim Couch wasn't all that good, but in his defense, until 2007, we haven't had an NFL-calibre line since the mid 80s. I think I'm going to go drink.

jess, I was straining - obviously! - to come up with stuff, but when I saw that some of you had talked about cars, I figured why the hell not.

I'd like to think that I'll make up for the cool then, but I fear I'll be the über-curmudgeon with the black dress socks and shorts combo.

okjimm said...

...what kills me is Tony Mandarich was left off the list...

'the first round draft pick of the Green Bay Packers in 1989, second overall behind Hall of Fame quarterback Troy Aikman and ahead of the third selection, Hall of Fame running back Barry Sanders.'

Ok...9 EDT, now is that 8 CST or 10 CST? DST, right. I get confused.

..and I think Chicago is still CST or are they MDT? I try to forget where Chicago is, when I can.

Aw, stuff, lissen, why doan we just stay home and do drugs...some LDS, oops, thems Mormons, right?! STP? Shit, I forgot the name of that drug...I just remember Kesey said it was good with Kool-aid.

I know it wasn't GOP, but gees, I think it was only three letters....damn ADD!!

FranIAm said...

I keep getting stuck at #1 and not in a good way at all.

I used to have a blue Pontiac 1000, the very poor and possibly worse cousin to the Chevette.

Oh those fucking frog legs.

Dr. Zaius said...

Ode to an orange Chevette. **sniff**

Mary Ellen said...

Hey, today is Shakespeare's birthday, where's the cake? I hope it's chocolate...triple layer, with fudge frosting.

Candace said...

Mebbe you should go back to basketball posts. (JUST KIDDING!!!)

The Great Pumpkin story cracked me up. Tell us more about the ole lady sometime - she sounds like a hoot!

Randal Graves said...

okjimm, holy hell, you're right. The Packers, led by Favre, handing off to Barry Sanders. Yikes.

I think you were drunk or high when you wrote that comment!

fran, worse than a Chevette? Hmmm. I believe we would need to take a poll to determine which car is viewed as the less cool. Unless there are definite scientific tests that one can perform to figure out such things.

dr. zaius, now that is a subject worthy of literary immortality!

ME, ask and you shall, well, not receive because I had planned on it beforehand, but no cake today. I didn't get to the store. So have a bowl of cereal in The Bard's honor.

candace, why does everyone hate the basketball? You godless communists!
Oh man, she was nuts, but in a good way. She would've loathed the modern Republicans but had quite the rude and dirty mouth on her.

Fade said...

#2 : yeah,definitely. I pussed out and went with some rather tame notes from life.

Liberality said...

My first car was a (big bird) yellow Gremlin. Boy was that a cool car, I don't care what you all say. It had OVER 300,000 miles on it and yet the thing wouldn't die! I bought it for $600and sold it years later for $300. The guys who bought it drove it for at least a year before they moved out of the neighborhood so I never did find out what happened to it.

Randal Graves said...

fade, we can't give all our secrets away, can we.

liberality, oh man, the AMC Gremlin. I bet yours is still on the road somewhere, pushing 400k.

There's an idea for a flick. The Car That Wouldn't Die!