Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Eat it, Shakespeare

Tues-day is shrove with mutton and ryghte fatt.
Wonderfull merry-ment? Nay, deepest feares,
Fr the Ladye of Texyse speaketh at
Mee with Godly wrathe, callynge saddest teares.

With-out mine quest fr solitairie headd,
A saintlie offer, O, 'tis mine dutee!
The Devill cometh fr me, wretchydd deadd
who loseth. O, blacke woe; I know! Rudy!

Lord Mayor of York anew, I beseech
Thine aide fr th'import journie of morrowe!
A sword have I. The publick, it can reach,
Your Gown of Smiting + 1 to borrowe!

With sequins faire blindyng the poor-est foole,
Mine quest -- are not these fancie heeles coole?

Once in a dreame, we were damn hell ass kinges;
Or deuce queenes decked in finery to find.
O, swine, what sacrifyce a ryder bringes
When thy clothe I lift high, a headd in kinde,

Loppedd by the blade to roll as a wheele;
Prophesy filld, bus goeth rounde and rounde!
Dearest Ladye, I shant cop a feele
Up thy skirt, lyinge on Holy grounde,

'til, as high-lande kilts and London towne were,
Or factoree serfs, ower Naughtie unione doth Bee.
What of gyftes? This rottynge headd of a cur
Is all that lye on silvere plate fr thee.

Oh! pike yt, fr yon circus I shall joine
Fr there can slime as I earn some ryghte coine!

O market, bless thou, best muffins that be!
Blueberry for me, banan'nut for thee!


Übermilf said...

I prefer Chaucer.

Mary Ellen said...

What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how
infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and
admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like
a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—and yet,
to me, what is this quintessence of dust?

"O happy blueberry muffin!
This is thy sheath; there calories and cholesterol, and let me die."

Ok...that's all I've got for you today, obviously, Shakespeare is well beyond my range of intellect, yet I post a comment anyway. Sigh...

Lisa said...

How very fitting for today.


Utah Savage said...

Lisa's just saying that because she's got eats from England.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, so do I, but Donne beats 'em all. Not counting me, of course.

ME, I had a feeling that link contained such blatant Rudy!ism.

And hell, I've posted actual poets now and then too, and their brain power hasn't stopped this dumbass from doing so.

lisa, I really do think I'm going to start posting via riffs off everyone's comments.

utah, and did she bring enough for the whole class? Hell no.

Liberality said...

can you run that by me one more time--but in English this time ;)

Sherry Peyton said...

Whatever you said, it was dirty. I just know that. Randal for shame! Now I gotta spend more time praying for your immortal soul. I have shopping to do tomorrow for goodness sake!

Betty C. said...

Funny, I just told my daughter that Shakespeare was my favorite poet -- after Bob Dylan, but I wasn't sure that would count. She had to find this out for an English assignment in the USA.

In the meantime, you are tagged for something that will take some real thought:


Have fun!

Randal Graves said...

liberality, but then it won't be as good! You know, I'm going to start writing everything in faux early modern English!

sherry, so what you're saying is this smut will be keeping you from stimulating the economy? Now I feel bad.

betty, I'm not sure if he would or wouldn't count. There's probably a federal statute on such things.

A tag requiring thought? That wasn't very nice of you!

La Belette Rouge said...

Is it pancakes or cross-dressing cheesecake that one eats on Fat Tuesday? I think I would prefer zucchini or carrot muffins, if you have any?

Tom Harper said...

Oh woe is me, for I findeth fault not in the stars but in myself, for I am an underling who hast become unable to think of a comment.

Oh, and happy Mardi Gras.

Beach Bum said...

Giuliani in drag, never really understood that or that how we were suppose to take him serious as a possible president with his taste in pink gowns.

S.W. Anderson said...

Randal, this post is a remarkable piece of writing. I mean that seriously.

Just slightly less seriously, have you ever thought about going to work for an insurance or loan company? Or maybe a cell phone or satellite TV service, writing contracts and the fine print for special offers? They have obviously reached the limit on publishing those things at absurd width in mico-size type. So, what's left?

Olde English! And at that, you're the man.

anita said...

i grieve for poor rudy, for he seems to suffer from gender dysphoria. i weep in my bed for him each night.

Randal Graves said...

LBR, perhaps cross-dressing pancakes? Would that entail not using syrup?

Verily, yon shoppe have beene knowne to selle muffins of carryt!

tom, forsooth, goode Christian mann, pray unto Thy Lord and He shalle showe thee His waie!

BB, what was so bothersome was the fact that had a Dem done that, the ensuing firestorm of hot air and 'won't someone please think of the childrens' that we'd have to hear.

The power of Rudy! knows no bounds.

SWA, thank you, good sir. And that's not a bad idea, but of course, we'd have to use that old gothic script. Make it even less legible than it is now!

anita, as well you should. If you continental communists hadn't erased the lines between Manly Men of Manliness and everything else, well, Rudy! might be our pretzeldent.

Dean Wormer said...

What bonehead gave Bush a sharp object? When he was at the white house even the steak knives were wrapped in duct tape.

Randal Graves said...

Oh, it's alright, that comes from the L'il Jack Sparrow Adventure Kit.