Saturday, February 21, 2009

Fantasies dead on arrival


















No, not that kind.


















This
kind. It was bad enough when I lost Michael Redd to a season-ending injury, and now Amare -- oops -- Amar'e. Don't want him to get pissed off and pummel me into a bloody pulp that'll dirty up his size 853 sneakers, thus causing more, um, blinding pain for yours truly.

"Dude, he can't see anymore, even you could evade him."

That's right! Take that, freakishly large man with the extensive bank account! Randal wins again!














Anyway, since my hoops team keeps on getting sledgehammered by the hardwood gods and my current third place will probably remain so only through this week as this is the last scrub team on my schedule, I figured it's time to set the Imaginary Sports Brain for the heart of the shining, crazy diamond. As I did with football, I've created a free Yahoo league hoping to gather all of my fellow sports-obsessed bloggers for merriment, whimsy and ample vulgarity. Send me an email or make your desire known in comments and I'll get you the password. BYOB.

First prize: nothing.
Second prize: nothing.
Third prize: nothing.

Bragging rights: priceless, for about an hour until you realize all the time you wasted debating over whether to pick up that speedy, backup middle infielder or the power-n-strikeout callup could have been better spent towards completing your version of the great American novel, you stupid bastard.

24 comments:

Sal Kilmister said...

Yo- Check your email.

Liberality said...

And here I'm thinking the other fantasy you mentioned at the top of the post would be way more productive. You could at least write a steamy love scene in that great American novel you are writing...

Christopher said...

Not a basketball fan.

I've tried to watch it and that starting and stopping the clock drives me nuts.

Just play the damned inning or quarter or whatever the hell they call it.

Dick Tremayne said...

Basketball would be great if it was football.

Christopher said...

Football would be great if it was baseball.

anita said...

One of my best friends is a Knicks fan. He spends hours and hours and hours and hours on a Knicks Fan Forum/Site. Do you think my friend should be institutionalized? Or should I just acknowledge that Hope Springs Eternal?

Randal Graves said...

sal, done.

liberality, already tried and it was an abysmal failure, so I decided to stick with hinting such intimacy.

dick, it already is great, just not the greatest like football.

christopher, communist!

anita, institutionalized? Cthulhu, no. We all have our irrationalities and that's what makes the world less boring.

The problem comes from having too many where you end up spending time with none.

susan said...

I used to have a fantasy about a basketball team - I think it was the 1990 Lakers.

Utah Savage said...

I'm so glad I didn't miss anything.

Randal Graves said...

susan, now you know this is a family-friendly blog.

utah, watch it, or it'll be all sports, all the time.

Beach Bum said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beach Bum said...

Given the dog house that I currently reside in the first fantasy is almost always DOA. I was introduced to the other type at work and had even less talent at it then I do the X-box video games my son plays. Decided that I'll embarrass myself on a regular basis just to my son. He is the one that will have to change my diapers when I'm senile so he will be use to it.

Tom Harper said...

I liked that fantasy in the top photo best.

I'm not much of a sports fan anyway, but basketball always reminds me of that line from Annie Hall: "What's so fascinating about watching a bunch of thyroid cases trying to stuff a ball into a net?"

Lisa said...

Oh for cliff's sake. Now I'm going to have to listen to this for the next eight months?

Great. Just great.

Distributorcap said...

was this about sports?

Mary Ellen said...

Dammit, Randal!!! I told you not to put that pic of me on your blog! Next time I won't believe you when you say the picture is just for your eyes.

And ummm...about that big check you're holding. Can I borrow a few bucks...like about $10,000? Sure would appreciate it. ;-)

What is this thing you call basketball? Never heard of it.

pissed off patricia said...

I'm not a fan but if there will be cocktails, I'll be there.

Dean Wormer said...

I'm not sure about that first prize but the second prize is tempting.

Even though I'm about the machoiest macho guy you could meet (I look just like Tom Selleck without the mustache. Or the great hair. Or the fit figure.) I'm not a baseball fan.

Bull said...

Basketball? Vaguely aware of it. May watch again during the playoffs...

Tried my first fantasy baseball league last year. It was fun for about 3 weeks, then it was just too much fucken' work with everything else I have going on. Besides, I just don't dig that deeply into the game to build a good team...that's for geeks.

La Belette Rouge said...

The nightgowns pretty. That's all I got.;-)

Übermilf said...

Blah blah blah sports blah blah

Spartacus said...

All I can say is thanks for not taking David Lee. The Knicks are only a few games out of the last playoff spot. They need every decent player they have to take the eighth spot, play the Cavs, and show King James that he'll have a great supporting cast when he comes to New York.

S.W. Anderson said...

I'm with Tom. No offense, but basketball was one game that, even as a kid, I never warmed to playing, much less watching.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Graves: On second thought, I'm kind of tempted to do a political/snark bloggers' fantasy baseball league this season. The Yahoo! platform keeps it nice and simple. Christopher, I believe, would play. Spartacus. Fred Schwartz. David "Gunslinger" Bach. O'Tim. Buelahman's a possibility. Lady Judith, The Oracle At Acheron: without a doubt. With us, if all go then we'll have enough teams to draft from the NL.

By the way, I think the next time Kevin Smith revisits the gang, "KELLY" must be part of it somehow. Donkey optional. I could see a passionate love affair between Kelly and Elias, however. Donkey optional.

Lots of loose strings like:

*Dante and Becks set up home and have child?

*How long will Jay stay with the program?

*Graves's effort to reclaim "Porch Monkey" for a lazy young person without regard to race, creed, color, religion, national origin or sexual preference?

*Dowds loses everything in financial crisis and has to work for Randal and Dante?

*I believe that Kevin Smith's dance number was way more appropriate and germane to the story in a weird way than Spike Lee's 20-minute dance number which he inserted gratituitously into wjat was otherwise a very serious, though incomplete, Malcolm X biopic.

Man, I must have been tired or something when I saw it the first time. I didn't recall being anywhere near as amused by it nor was I into it this way.