Thursday, February 12, 2009

Night of the Living Post

Bonjour, all you fancy glitterati --
captain, o my captain, what rhymes with that?
"Enjoy the spinach cheese manicotti."
Away your frets, arsenic laces not --
or -- dramatic pause -- does it? I kid, kid,
for why would I wish you forever rot
seventy-two below this milquetoast earth,
dining fresh on mercurial toxins,
thus to mutant undead you shall give birth!
"What the fuck are you going on about?"
Up north in Canuckland, that's aboot,
as, 'I'm aboot to kick you with a boot.'
"Strainin' to do some postin', ain't ya, bub."
Rub 'a dub dub, alone in my old tub
stormin' cranial waves, fishin' for bits --
"Always Plan B, a picture of some --" cough!
Huge tracts of land is the preferred term, pig.
"That hurts, Dr. Frankie. Now do you see
what happens with a monster-making gig?"
Oh, sob and sackcloth, I've learned my lesson!
Nevermore will I create, nor stimulate --
"Yeah, right." Do you mind, brain? I mean, really.
-- with these needles, threads my TARP scratch bought.
Lightning will be harnessed only for good
such as frying eggs, a slab of bacon,
mayhap some Congressfuckers in their house.
"Not concerned 'bout these violent tendencies?"
Merely fun n' games; look! eyes all around.
But a plea, good sir, how to end this verse?
Something terse, funny, voluptuary?
"Nay, something tried n' true, brimming with blue."
Ah! Supreme melancholy, the rich -- "No!
Like your ideas, big bangs that whimper,
sparks that burst, fizzle, then dull the senses
as Cosmic Candy: flashy then stale --"
What was that bluster about monstrous gigs?
Three reckonings as to what always dies.
"With thanks, so does this post." Amen to that.


Christopher said...


Mary Ellen said...

Holy crap, what are you smoking and can I have some????

You're the best, Randal....anyone who can write, "Lightning will be harnessed only for good
such as frying eggs, a slab of bacon,
mayhap some Congressfuckers in their homes.", is number one in my book. ;-)

Missy said...

Not a strain at all.

(I'm with ME. That was the best quote.)

Bull said...


Congressfuckers: +1

No Lovecraft reference: -10

Just being objective.

Liberality said...

you need to stop arguing with yourself and just go with the flow there dude.

Utah Savage said...

Hi Randal, it's your shallow friend, me. So we both have nothing much to say, but we are shallow together. There is comfort in that. Small comfort, I admit, but comfort none the less.

okjimm said...

Plan B is always good.
'such as frying eggs, a slab of bacon,' always nice with whole wheat toasted bread units.

frankly, though, when I have no ideas, no inspiration.... I usually just consume mass quantities of beer or smoke lotsa dope.

ooops, that IS my Plan B.

Anonymous said...

Ya know Randal, every now and then it's a good thing to go to the intellectual toilet and take a gigantic information dump. I find that relieving myself that way, of all the useless information trapped in my intestinal mind really helps.

Beach Bum said...

Lightning will be harnessed only for good
such as frying eggs, a slab of bacon,
mayhap some Congressfuckers in their house.

As long as Lindsey Graham is the first one fried.

Mary Ellen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Ellen said...

Ok Randal, get your bard ass back in the blogosphere, where the hell are you today? You get Monday's off...that's it. I even wrote another post today and you weren't around to visit. Sigh...

Tom Harper said...

I agree wholeheartedly with this post. It's exactly what I've been saying all along.

S.W. Anderson said...

Every time I think I've seen it all, you come up with another post like this, doing with thoughts and words what a kaleidoscope does with mirrors and bits of colored glass.

MRMacrum said...

And all the "dead poets" try to speak at the same time. I wondered where they all ended up. Damn Randal, it must be noisy in there.

Randal Graves said...

christopher, I'll take that as a backhanded compliment!

ME, oh I get it, grease the wheels in hopes of getting some of my stash. ;-)

missy, violent thoughts are therapeutic, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

bull, au contraire, sir, do you think Cthulhu eats Three Musketeers? Nope. Cosmic Candy.

liberality, the source of the flow IS the arguing. I'd be the worst Buddhist.

utah, and in the shallow end, less chance of drowning. I'm not a very good swimmer.

okjimm, I think you should elevate that to Plan A. As long as there's toast.

spartacus, that's actually a good idea since the brain is always full of crap, 99% of said crap being, well, crap.

BB, I might want to make him last until he's nearly drowning in the sweat of fear.

ME, I was actually doing real work, please don't tell anyone otherwise they'll think I'm a lackey of The Man.

tom, I'm glad you agree with the guy I stole it from.

SWA, I always wanted to be a kaleidoscope when I grew up.

mrmacrum, don't get me started. You haven't seen a real kegger until you've seen Wilmot and Plath loaded. Yikes!

Dr. Zaius said...

You had me at eggs and bacon.

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