Friday, April 10, 2009

Brain Salad Surgery

Mon cerveau reste cassé. No, that's not a shot of my skull, but I'm sure I could use a little touchup here and there in the noggin. Anyway, talk amongst yourselves, peanut gallery. Here are some suggested topics to get you started:

Why the hate for the turnip, the original jack o' lantern?

Two stories on the front page of the local paper today: Pirates proving to be a thorn and Going great guns: sales of firearms on the rise. Should we put the citizen army of Manly Men of Manliness® to good use and send them to deal with those freedom-hating Somali pirates or are their services more urgently needed here as we breathlessly await the violent crackdown of Hussein X?

Glenn Beck: mere depositor of Fox checks or the greatest performance artist of the 21st century?

Ring: Onion or Nibelung?

And most importantly, hot pants: hot pant or the hottest pant?

What a lucky man, he was.


The guy served piping hot onion rings by the chick in hot pants while simultaneously oiling his turnip and carving his M-16 as he counts the dollar signs in his head, preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Duh.


Übermilf said...

Heh. "Oiling his turnip." heheheh

Non Je Ne Regrette Rien said...

I smoked some petard today and STILL couldn't have come up with this da bomb!

oh...and I have a FAR better assignment for a bona fide manlymanofmanliness...send him my way.

Beach Bum said...

I figure Glenn Beck is just the physical manifestation of death of the dominance of the Angry White Protestant Male. That or he is simply a bugged out crazy loon.

Randal Graves said...

übermilf, shut up, Beavis, heh heh.

JNRR, I better not because now I'm afraid I might make sense.

You want me to send a bunch of reactionary wingnuts over?

BB, It's funny, I blurted this crap post out, THEN found out that he did the Gas Can Waltz. I'm telling ya, the man's a genius.

Dusty said...

One man's genius is another man's fucktard.

Just saying...

Liberality said...

So where is the guy in the hotpants who is here to serve my every aching need? Not here? Wrong post? Alright then, just bumbling along and on to some other post...

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

I'm laughing so hard that the neighbor's dog started barking at my house!

Oiling his turnip!



Übermilf said...

Did he oil his turnip before or after attending a Fox News teabagging party?

Westcoast Walker said...

In the Star Wars universe you would say that he is "oiling his droid"

susan said...

We definitely need more people like Maddow, Olberman and Stewart. Are you ready for the Big Time yet, Randal?

Tom Harper said...

"Oiling his turnip" LOL.

And speaking of Brain Salad Surgery and Lucky Man, I hear Keith Emerson has a new CD out. I didn't even know if he was still alive, let alone still recording.

Lisa said...

It seems like lately there are two themes running through my world. Squirrels and pirates. I can't explain it. Naturally, it makes me think of squirrel pirates with little kerchiefs tied on their little heads and patches over their eyes.

Utah Savage said...

Lisa, you're having a squirrel problem too?

Now I want a well oiled turnip.

Chef Cthulhu said...

As long as he's not mashing his turnip. My grandparents tried to feed me mashed turnips. They suck.

When someone who has nothing against law-abiding gun owners but does not own one himself is thinking of buying one to protect himself against all the wingnuts who are "gunning up", we have a problem.

Then again, if we sent all the wingnut gun owners to fight the Somali pirates, we'd end up with many fewer gun owners and the pirates would have many more guns.

S.W. anderson said...

Randal, that was cool, the way you tied all those threads together at the end.

Chef wrote: "if we sent all the wingnut gun owners to fight the Somali pirates, we'd end up with many fewer gun owners and the pirates would have many more guns."

LOL, excellent observation. If we could send Deadeye Dick Cheney to lead them, the process would be accelerated.

Randal Graves said...

dusty, but he's our fucktard. Betcha the Czechs don't have a Glenn Beck.

liberality, dudes in hot pants? Since when do we wear hot pants?

tengrain, barking dogs can be annoying, so now I feel bad, you bastard!

übermilf, the Surgeon General should slap a warning on that comment: may induce vomiting.

WW, gives a whole new subtext to Luke's whining about going to the Toshi station.

susan, they hiring office lackeys for big time pay or something?

tom, the best was when ELP hired Cozy Powell as replacement drummer. Didn't need to change the name or logo one bit.

lisa, be careful, they're in town to steal the coal that you're supposed to steal!

utah, if I ever start a drug-addled rock band, I might call it Well Oiled Turnip.

chef, doesn't matter if the pirates have more guns because the only people that live on the coasts are commie pinko liberal homersexuals. Real America® will be safe.

SWA, our luck would be that Unka Dick, so bored from counting his money and the bones of dead children, would stumble across the one Somali pirate ship smuggling a dirty nuke to some brand spanking new terrorist offshoot gang that thought Hamas wasn't hardcore enough and then he'll come back and irradiate the plains in the hope that the squirrel pirates will mutate into something huge which would make for much more entertaining hunting excursions, grrrr.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Mmmmmm... turnips.

Distributorcap said...

i saw pirates and i thought
a baseball post!

Dr. Zaius said...

I don't get it, but I liked the part about the brains. :o)