Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Return to Placeholder Place Returns Again

On our last visit to Placeholder Place, the smooth Mr. Smooth was heating himself up some celluloid friction with the vivaciously sultry cigaress, Mary Jane. On the lookout for angry, would-be beau Hunk Johnson, busy off camera boiling his own inept blood, was Sonny the Snitch.

Sonny the Snitch: Knock, knock, knock.

Mary Jane: Hunk! He's here!

Mr. Smooth: Relax, there's no way he could've heard our chin.

Hunk Johnson: Wrong, Smoothie. This plan was duck soup.

Mr. Smooth: Dropped a dime, didn't you, Sonny.


Mary Jane: No, Smoothie, I did. Hunk, darling, the loot's in the heap.

*for dramatic purposes, and because the only shot of Rita Hayworth holding a gun that I could find was one of her brandishing blonde hair, pretend that the smoke is from a pistol. I pride myself on consistency, as evidenced here today*

Mr. Smooth: Who knew my last role would be as the patsy?

Hunk Johnson: We knew, Smoothie. Just think of all that scratch, babe, half for you, half for me. And a nickel for a job well done, Sonny.

Sonny the Snitch: Once a third wheel, always a third wheel.



Chef Cthulhu said...

Bravo!!! BRAVO!!!

Don't ever let them remake this with mediocre, annorexic, attention deficit twenty-something actors.

Unless they offer you lots of money. Like, $50 or something.

Dean Wormer said...

That is all sorts of win!

Tom Harper said...

Sorry Chef: Stay tuned for the remake, starring Justin Timberlake and Miley Cyrus.

okjimm said...

SO...... where's the baseball post??? Have the Cleveland Cubs started playing yet?

okjimm said...

I mean.... they do have a baseball team in Cleveland, right? Or do they just rent one for the season...... I heard you could rent whole baseball teams from the Dominican Republic real cheap.

Übermilf said...

Is your real name Larry?

Sherry Peyton said...

Who me? Oh I just made a wrong turn. Looking for Sam's Deli...you wouldn't happen to have a ham with swiss on rye? I saw a Chef (over there ----->). And a diet coke decaf if you have it.

Utah Savage said...

I'm speechless and my fingers don't work.

Bubs said...

The Sons of Lee Marvin salute you!

Beach Bum said...

Still waiting for Mary Jane's nude scene.

susan said...

Once again you prove that clever is as clever does. Bravo.

..and you didn't even have to resort to the silver nose.

Randal Graves said...

chef, I was going to say I never would, not even for $49.99, but the studio has the rights.

dean, I feel like a poor man's poor man's Bogey!

tom, now that was just cruel.

okjimm, I realized yesterday that I hadn't done a baseball preview, but then figured with the Indians sucking Erie Canal water, hell with it.

übermilf, know how rockers cringe at Spinal Tap while we laugh? I cringed at that video. I need some shades, though.

sherry, we have decaf rye and whole wheat Coke.

utah, CVS sells robot fingers for five bucks a pack.

bubs, woo! Lee was fucking great.

BB, sorry man, she wouldn't do it for "artistic reasons."

susan, I think I accidentally shot someone's Maltese Falcon though.

Dr. Zaius said...

"Vivaciously sultry cigaress" - Freaking brilliant! I may steal it...