Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The family that shreds together, stays together

If someone way back in 1986 would have told a morose, punk-ass, girlfriend-less teenage jerk that nearly a quarter of a century into the future he would be barking MASTER! MASTER! into the mic while his kids thrashed on faux guitars and his sometimes-better-half pounded the virtual, yet plastic, skins in that oh-so-sexy way only a chick drummer can, he would've barked MASTER! MASTER! in your face and gone back to hibernating in the basement with his endless supply of Vernors, metal faces and angst.

There was, however, one moment of seriousness amidst the surreal nuclear familyism: after successfully navigating Ace of Spades (not on Expert+ though, holy fuck, I'll stick with being the pseudo-frontman), the teevee proclaimed that we had unlocked Lemmy. Of course our youngest said the only thing that could have possibly destroyed the collective glee of my wife and I:

"Who's Lemmy?"

The sting of parental neglect runs deep, but I resolve to be a better father. We'll start with the self-titled debut. No, no, forget about your math homework. This is far more important.


Agi said...

At least you're starting at the foundations. Black Sabbath, Motorhead, then maybe some early Metallica.

Dusty said...

Well, you obviously didn't educate that child correctly if the child had no clue who the Lemster was dude. ;p

How ya doing in roundball? I know how your doing in baseball. ;)

Übermilf said...

Is Motorhead an auto parts supply company?

Chef Cthulhu said...

ARGH!!! Motorhead!!! Need to get that on my kids' playlist ASAP...he's already got Sabbath, Metallica and Zep.

I've had the game for a week now; but life's been a bit busy to fire it up, and Junior is video game-restricted (read: grounded). Still, can't wait.

Mary Ellen said...

Are you telling me that Alvin and the Chipmunks are no longer cool? Perry Como is out?

Ok..just typing that creeped me out, I'm not THAT old. Motorhead is ok, I remember it blasting from my kids rooms, which was the only way I knew they were awake...I think.

La Belette Rouge said...

I would pay money to see the family Graves playing Guitar Hero---not a lot of money but enough for a bottle of two buck Chuck.

Randal Graves said...

agi, they're familiar (whether they dig it or not is a different story) with the Sabbath and old school Metallica, I'm not sure how Motörhead slipped by.

dusty, I know, I'm a parental failure. ;-)

Hoops in terms of what, fantasy-wise? Finally won my goddamn keeper league that I've been running for fifteen years. The youth movement paid off, thank you, Chris Paul and Danny Granger!

übermilf, no, robot parts.

chef, always important to indoctrinate the offspring.

The game is fun, but I can't compare it to the others since this is the first GH we own and that I've played. There's supposedly a harder version of drumming that requires a second pedal.

nunly, bang your head!
Como will drive you mad!

You're a closet Motörhead fan, you can't fool me.

LBR, you'd need that two buck Chuck after watching the family Graves playing Guitar Hero. The circle of life.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Could this be the modern-day incarnation of the Partridge family? How about the Osmonds? I won't insult you by calling you the Jacksons. They played their own instruments. ;^)

Dusty said...

Damn, 15 years? Dude...

Congrats however and in beisbol, your holding down first quite well dude. ;)

La Belette Rouge said...

So I am four bucks out. Not a bad deal for a night of entertainment.

darkblack said...

That child is lacking in proper guidance, Randal. You don't want the youth to grow up snapping their fingers to the satanic ditties in elevators, now do you?


Utah Savage said...

Okay, I now know I'm just too old to be reading this. I don't approve of these game things that keep the family indoors pretending to be musicians, or athletes or anything else. I think you should walk to the neighborhood malt shop and have a sunday together. Okay I'm laughing. Sorry.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Let us know when you master Muskrat Love.



Beach Bum said...

Sorry, tried the Guitar Hero game with my son and his friends once. I was so damn bad that it my son's social standing. But that shit was tough and I never could follow the colored lights and what buttons I was suppose to push on the fake guitar.

Liberality said...

I am just barely familiar with guitar hero and that bit only because we have a teen program whereby the heathens come in to play a tournament once a month. Oh, I also saw my nieces and nephews playing rock band or something like that. But if it brings the family together in the shared pursuit of happiness then the more power to ya!

susan said...

I think our downstairs neighbor was flunking out of med school last winter because he decided to use 'rock band' as a practice tool for a lucrative stage career. You wouldn't believe how many times I had to listen to him warbling 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. He's gone now.

I'm sure you guys sounded much better.

S.W. anderson said...

I'm thinking 200 years into the future. People then looking back into history, how families occupied themselves.

1930's and 1940's — family sits around living room console radio. Mother's knitting, father's reading newspaper and smoking a cigar. Kids are playing with a toy train set.

1950's and 1960's — Mother's on the phone with a friend. Father's guzzling beer, smoking a cigarette and watching The Garry Moore Show. Kids are in the basement den, watching Gunsmoke, playing Monopoly and fooling around with a hula hoop.

Zoom ahead to today, with a strangely possessed clan gathered around some little electronic thingy, playing Guitar Hero while bizarro heavy metal music blasts at ear-splitting levels.

What will those future historians make of it?

Übermilf said...

Will this help educate your children?

Dean Wormer said...

Heh heh.

Rock Band and Guitar Hero are so addictive. I like the former just because I can play with the fam like you.

'Course I'm a pretty proud dad because my 15-year old daughter just formed a real all girl rock band. I think they may be a little mellow for your tastes.

Oh- Ace of Spades IS friggin' hard, even on medium.

Randal Graves said...

spartacus, now we just need a van for traveling to all our gigs. No hippie colors, though. And hey, we play our own instruments. They just happen to be fake. ;-)

dusty, by sheer luck. My staff keeps on getting hammered. That chump Hamels goes today or tomorrow and he'll probably give up another six runs. Grumble.

LBR, I was about to say what about my dignity, but I don't have much.

darkblack, if any form of music is the music of the underworld in all its heinous blasphemy, it's elevator music. ;-)

utah, gotta do something when it's raining. And when it's sunny, they're more than welcome to go outside and leave me to some peace and quiet.

tengrain, I was aiming for Chevy Van myself.

BB, a real guitar is easier. I'm far too slow to keep up in my old age, hence being drafted as the default singer.

liberality, plus it helps with the metal indoctrination!

susan, you've never heard me sing or you wouldn't say that.

SWA, and what's the most disturbing is that the TV dinners of the 50s might actually be healthier than the processed crap of today. What that has to do with family entertainment, I don't know. I do remember being mildly amused as a wee child by the expanding foil on a stovetop popcorn pan. Must've been the root cause of my love of all conspiracies tin foil.

übermilf, I cannot wait to see that flick. Lemmy, damn you all, Lemmy!

dean, hey, I'm all for supporting independent bands, so your kid puts out an album, I'll buy, even if it ain't death metal. :)

Expert was laughable. One doesn't automatically equate Motörhead with 70s prog complexity, but holy fuck, that was insane.

Freida Bee, MD said...

I bet you teach them abstinence, too.