Saturday, April 25, 2009

When life gives you lemons, buy a used car

Since both liberality and mauigirl have hit me with this particular meme, I'm guessing I have an honest face. Must be the classy monocle.

The Rules, chumps:
1.You must brag about the award.
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger.
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself.
Then pass it on with the instructions.

Honestly, honesty isn't always the best policy, so, bien sûr, some of the following ten items might not be 100% truthful. Honest.

1. I have never used Craigslist but I have used eBay. No, not to solicit erotic goods and/or services, you perverts. Unfettered Capitalism®, baby.
2. Christmas 1980 was probably the crystallization of my love of non-illegal substance-induced outer space. Sure, the Shuttle program was in full swing -- yes, kids used to get excited about things off the planet; I bet all the articles I cut out of the newspaper are still sitting yellowfied in a basement box at my folks' place -- but that was when I received the Alpha-1 Rocket Base Lego set. Good times.
3. For someone who digs the occasional spin of obscenely brutal music, I'm not a fan of obscenely loud music outside of a smoke- and sweat-filled concert hall. Look, that's why they invented headphones, you self-centered fuck. I won't blare my shit, you don't blare yours. Especially since your taste sucks.
4. Once I tried spinning Antaeus' Cut Your Flesh and Worship Satan and Bach's St. Matthew Passion simultaneously in hope of supernaturally recreating the angel/devil fight from Animal House. I was unsuccessful.
5. I still greatly enjoy onion rings.
6. The fastest mile I ever ran was 5:09. I would probably throw up before 1:09 if I tried running one now.
7. I'm really struggling to come up with stuff. Honest.
8. Through admittedly limited field work, I have deduced that twiddling one's thumbs doesn't increase brain activity. A large government grant is necessary to further said research, which, if it ever bears fruit, think of the unlimited applications!
9. I never did figure out which one was Pink. My money was on Nick Mason.
10. Lastly, I'm not sorry in the least for the colossal suckitude that is this list. Without the slightest bit of mystery, I'd be revealed as the cosmically boring, basketball-watching, Buffy-salivating dude that I am.

I think everyone has been hit with this. Either that, or I'm too lazy to see who actually has or hasn't (hey, I've got a increasingly unwieldy and horrible paper to finish!) so everyone is tagged.

Except you. You know who you are.


Anonymous said...

Whew, thanks for exempting me, I am really too busy. You shocked me with the craigslist thingie. I was for sure you were the killer. I was so hoping to see an expose on you and your home, with all the super yucky psycho pictures and serial killer news clippings. So I guess I must wait a while longer to say "I knew that guy, and I always thought he was creepy."

Karen Zipdrive said...

I haven't been hit with it but I don't want to be. It's like Facebook invitations--I hate them because I like to keep my privacy private.

S.W. Anderson said...

RG, you need a good old-fashioned drive-in, complete with cute girls in skimpy, tight-fitting uniforms and on roller skates, to go with those onion rings. Throw in a double cheeseburger with the works and a large root beer.

That should take your mind off the mysterious paper (news, wall or toilet?) and your burdensome compulsion to tag innocent bystanders with memes.

Utah Savage said...

This bastard started with me! Hah! Finally I got you. Onion rings. Mummm. Now I'm hungry and it's after eight and JNNR said no eating after eight.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Maybe if you didn't eat onion rings before you ran, you wouldn't throw up so early.

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Thanks for not tagging me. I always knew you liked me best.



My Inner French Girl said...

I'm still wrapping my head around your admission that you've never used Craigslist. Not even to troll for young bucks?


Übermilf said...

I think you lied about getting this award.

Beach Bum said...

I have never used Craigslist...There is story on that subject I will never be able to tell.

Dusty said...

Dude..the King was on today wasn't he?

Congrats! ;p

Notre Vie Juteuse said...

and you're athletic too...."the fastest mile I eve ran was 5:09"...if that's honest you're my hero!

Anonymous said...

An invitation to do this would drag me out of retirement. Fuck, I would have so much fun with this.

Dean Wormer said...

1. If they hadn't caught the Craislist killer I'd assume it was you.

4. Funniest bit from the movie.

10. Buffy still holds up if you haven't watched it in a while. My kids LOVE that show.

themom said...

Man, it's late in the evening and now I'm craving "onion rings!" Curses.

Dusty said... bout them Cavs?

glad I got through another freaking meme without being tagged. ;p

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Sal Kilmister said...

I have to agree with Sexy. Couldn't say it better myself. I must say 她是很容易的最有趣的人在互聯網上管
so you no at...

Sal Kilmister said...

Randal- How did you pull of getting porn spam from China on your blog? That is a real get...

Randal Graves said...

AFD, oh, so we all just assume that I was the Craigslist killer. And after all I've done for humanity?

karen, that's why I make shit up half the time.

SWA, I wouldn't dare disagree with the idea of scantily-clad, roller-skating burger babes, but innocent bystanders? There's no such thing on the internets. You're all guilty!

utah, but she's in France, she'll never know. C'mon, eat some onion rings, I won't tell.

chef, either that, or if I hadn't gotten so out of shape in the intervening 18 years. Must've been all those onion rings.

tengrain, of course, it has nothing to do with the fact of you sending a paramilitary death squad after any tagger. I've heard the rumors.

marjorie, just chicks.

übermilf, when I wear my honest monocle, it is impossible for me to lie.

BB, dude, now you must tell it.

dusty, man, was that sweet to watch.

NVJ, but that was many years ago. Probably safe to double that amount now.

spartacus, then by the powers vested in me by The Google, I hereby bestow this tag upon thee!

dean, 1. that hurts. But I would've assumed the same thing.

4. Oh man, that's a tough call, there are so many moments of genius.

10. Hell yeah it does, we watch it all the time.

themom, ha ha ha, my world domination plan engulfs yet another victim!

dusty, you will now be tagged with the next one. ;-)

sexy, that wasn't very sexy.

sal, really, this is a family blog. Let's watch the fucking potty mouth.

Randal Graves said...

sal, good question. I assume that all the porn I surf is Made In America®. But then again, China owns us, lock, stock and lube.

Sal Kilmister said...

Good pun intended.

Freida Bee, MD said...

Everyone knows that it is what one twiddles between his and/or her thumbs at work that determines whether there is an increase or decrease in bloodflow to the cranial region. There is already a fortune invested in researching this, naive Randal; just ask the little camera spying on you right now, but if you knew about it, it might taint the test results, so don't let on that you're reading this.