Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Closed thread














Duuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I've got zip. A shit paper, an oral presentation that I haven't even started on and frankly don't care about all that much, not a single line of verse in about a month has been written, and the mouldering stench of stupid fucks who couldn't operate a simple copier is hovering like a cloud of swine flu.

Actually, all that adds up to - 4. Maybe if I go ohm-ohm.

"Too new-agey. How about a blood sacrifice?"

Though tempting, there's all that cleanup, so here's some purty music to cleanse the noodle -- wait, what's that? Poland is gonna forget about us?



That's the last piece you're ever playing, chump. Now all you patriotic Americans shut the hell up, I've got to think of whom to sacrifice. Perhaps I'll start with, oh, I don't know, Poland, you ungrateful, malodorous, pianissimo nation of terrorist sympathizers. Long live the American Empire®, a subsidiary of China Corp, your summertime fun headquarters.

56 comments:

Utah Savage said...

You're fun when you're pissed-off and empty. When I'm empty I can just have the other me write. It helps to be a bipolar Gemini sometimes.

Loved the Chopin.

Mary Ellen said...

I'll tell you the same thing I just told my son when he called to complain about all the studying and papers he had to finish before finals..."Get to work, you slacker."

;-)

Chef Cthulhu said...

I always studied best after a I'd downed a few Long Island Iced Teas and booed some foreign pianists.

Ubermilf said...

how do you feel about Hungarian harpsichordists?

La Belette Rouge said...

Drink a vat of coffee and get to work and then promise yourself a vat of wine once you are done with the studying. That is what I learned is the best way to prep for an exam when I took Learning Strategies. It worked for me.

Randal Graves said...

utah, but the other you, like the first other you, is a gut-spilling maniac and that's a good thing. I self-filter like a sumbitch and thus, this whining.

nunly, but if I do work, won't I ruin my hard-earned rep as lazy man? ;-)

chef, sounds like someone has forgotten Poland. Time to boo Billy Joel.

übermilf, the same way I feel about Bulgarian bassoonists.

LBR, I drink so much coffee I'm desensitized to it. Can I drink a vat of wine now and a second vat when I'm finished?

S.W. anderson said...

RG, I don't get the Raw Story piece. Last I heard, both Obama and Gates oppose siting missiles in Poland. Maybe that piano player just needed to make something up to act snotty about. Screw him, there's still plenty of Liberace on videotape.

As for your plight, industriousness in the pursuit of a goal about which you're ambiguous is no virtue and laziness in the throes of writer's block is no vice.

I'm told that standing by a busy road with your thumb out until someone who looks like she's on the way to a Sports Illustrated swimsuit photo shoot picks you up is a great antidote for the latter situation — that even if you end up accepting a ride from someone who looks like she's on the way to a Joan Rivers look- and sound-alike contest, you're likely to be wrenched from your unproductive lassitude.

Might be worth a try, anyway.

Tom Harper said...

I'll bet that Polish pianist just doesn't want to get Swine Flu. European governments are warning their citizens not to go to those pestilent third world countries where Swine Flu is raging. You know -- Mexico, the United States...

Tengrain said...

Graves, you swine!

Sheesh, do I have to solve ALL your problems around here?

100 typing monkeys and you're done. Given your usual academic standards, you could probably go for 10 monkeys and 30 minutes.

Regards,

Tengrain

Mary Ellen said...

nunly, but if I do work, won't I ruin my hard-earned rep as lazy man? ;-)School work isn't real work, unless you're doing it while you're cutting the grass or fixing a leaky sink. Multi-tasking...that's real work.

Just like right now, I'm typing and making up an excuse to tell my husband about why I didn't make dinner and he's taking me out instead. Multi-tasking, it's a gift.

Commander Zaius said...

Screw Krystian Zimerman, here in the good old USA we have girlfriend beating Chris Brown, pop star and mother Brittany Spears, and any number of talented American Idol contestants. Let him stay in Poland.
Anyone can play Chopin, its takes real talent to get onto Entertainment Tonight.

susan said...

I loved the part about the TSA taking his custom Steinway apart because it 'smelled funny'. I'm surprised he came back after that.

Unknown said...

Smoke a bowl and try again. ;)

Randal Graves said...

SWA, wasn't that only if Iran said they'd stop pursuing their own nuke?

Your scenario contains merit, but I'm hoping for something more along the lines of Clark Griswold, thereby bypassing the need for the Joan-Rivers look- and sound-alike.

tom, I feel bad for the bacon fans in Egypt. They're slaughtering all the pigs there.

tengrain, 10 monkeys isn't cost-effective. I'd be willing to lower my standards even further and go with one monkey subsisting on cheap hooch and Funyons.

nunly, I should practice that. Try writing the rest of the paper while holding down the cutoff bar on the mower. I can just smell that A+!

BB, that's an excellent point, and only further supports the theory of International Imperialism Yay! We should make Michael Vick and Bernie Madoff ambassadors.

susan, so was I. Certainly grounds for a 'fuck off and die, Yankee dog.' Of course, now that that's been revealed, watch for Al-Qaeda to start using classical instruments to ship their dirty bombs.

dusty, how about I just do part one by itself. ;-)

Dean Wormer said...

Waterboard the ungrateful bastard.

Dr. Zaius said...

Oh, right. NOW you get all classy with the classical music and the candelabra and all that.

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